As The World Falls Down
by xstormbornx
Summary: When Alexis brings Rick Grimes and his group back to the Alexandria Safe-Zone, the battle for survival becomes a battle of the heart. {AU}.
1. Undertow

**Author's Note:** Videos for characters canon and original, can be found on my Youtube channel under _**girlinashipwreck**_.

* * *

**Undertow**

"I think this is a really bad idea," Deanna Monroe said, surveying Alexis over the top of her steepled fingers.

Alexis glanced around the room, taking in its quiet splendour, the oak-panelled walls and antique furniture, before dismissing it all, pushing her blonde hair back out of her face, revealing the black eye Pete had so kindly bestowed upon her. Her piercing gaze met Deanna's head-on, forcing the older woman to look away, uncharacteristically capitulating to the younger, surprising Alexis slightly despite herself.

"You're not going to be dissuaded, are you?" Deanna said, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"I know what I'm doing," Alexis said quietly, "it's not like I haven't been out there before."

"But look what happened last time" -

\- "I _trust_ Aaron," Alexis said, cutting across her.

"And you trusted Earle," Deanna said, finally looking at her.

Alexis studied the other woman for a long moment. "You think I'm just a shit-stirrer, don't you?" she said, her voice shaking. "Rocking the boat" -

\- "I exiled Earle for what he did," Deanna said, standing up, "and his so called buddies for daring to back him up, trying to justify his sins as though I was the one at fault, that I didn't understand. But I understood alright." She exhaled sharply, her gaze drifting to the window, dwelling on the church steeple, the embodiment of all she held sacred; safety, security, survival. "The situation with Pete is a whole different ball game," she then said, her eyes meeting Alexis's again. "Whether I like it or not, we need him - _Alexandria_ needs him."

"Look what he did to me, Deanna," Alexis snapped, "look what he's doing to my sister on an almost daily basis. Somebody has to stop him - I've tried and failed too many times, and I'm sick of it - I'm sick of being unable to protect my own family" -

\- "Which is why I'm giving you permission to go out with Aaron," Deanna said, sitting down again. "It'll give everyone a chance to calm down and let the dust settle, and when you come back, maybe we can sit down and talk about the situation in a civil manner, yes?" She raised her unplucked eyebrows at Alexis, arrogantly expecting Alexis's unequivocal acquiescence to the arrangement.

Alexis bit her lip, before nodding, hating herself for being a hypocrite.

"Well, off you go," Deanna said, gesturing to the door with a theatrical flourish, "and watch your back out there beyond the walls - be goddamn safe."

"I'll be safer out there than in here," Alexis said before she could stop herself, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Jessie stacked the tins on the shelf in alphabetical order, more for the distraction than anything else. After her husband had attacked Alexis, her sister taking the blows meant for her, Alexis had moved out and in with Aaron and Eric, sleeping on their sofa instead of her own sumptuous bedroom, refusing point blank to live under the same roof as Pete anymore. And now Alexis was once again leaving the shelter of the safe zone's walls for the wilderness outside, she and Aaron searching for what Deanna classed as 'suitable' survivors to strengthen their community.

She picked up a can of Crazy Cheese, turning it over in her shaking hands, her vision blurring as the tears threatened to overwhelm her again. Alexis was her baby sister, the only family she had left apart from her husband and sons, but she couldn't choose between them. Deanna might tolerate Pete for the sake of Alexandria, but for Jessie it went beyond that. She didn't want her boys to grow up without a father. Her family were unique in the sense there was still two parents alive, rather than just the one or none, and Jessie didn't want her sons to suffer that.

Jessie set the can down, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She and Alexis had been brought up to take care of themselves, but Jessie tended to accept her fate whilst Alexis fought it; Jessie thinking of the greater good, Alexis thinking of the few. It was this that worried her so, fearing Deanna might be moved to exile her sister on the grounds she was disturbing the peace one too many times.

There had been the trouble over Earle, Alexis returning from scouting for survivors, saying Earle had tried to force himself on her when they'd been away from Alexandria, Earle denying it, his friends inadvertently condemning him by rushing to his defence, arguing things were different now; that the world had changed and the rules of civilized society were no longer applicable in an apocalypse. Deanna had exiled all three men, but it hadn't been a decision made lightly. And now Alexis was making merry hell over Pete, and Jessie just didn't know what to do, caught between a rock and a hard place as their father had been so fond of saying.

"Behold the Queen of the Pantry!" Aaron joked as he came through the doorway, making Jessie a mock bow as she turned around, only to stop short at the sight of her tearstained face. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, stepping forwards. "I - Are you alright?" he asked, wincing a little at his words, when it was patently obvious she wasn't alright.

"I don't want to talk about it," Jessie said abruptly.

Aaron looked at her for a long moment, before nodding, not wanting to put anymore pressure on their already fraught friendship.

"Can I help you with anything?" Jessie asked, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Uh... Alex sent me over for the applesauce," Aaron said reluctantly, wincing again. But to his surprise, Jessie laughed, shaking her head almost fondly at her sister's foolishness.

"She hates the stuff," Jessie explained, enlightening Aaron. "Even the sight of it is enough to make her barf."

"That makes two of us," Aaron said, backing away as Jessie opened a cupboard, taking some white-labelled jars out of it.

"She's never told you about how she hates applesauce?" Jessie said curiously, setting the jars down on the table.

"It's not really something that's ever came up in conversation," Aaron said, shrugging his shoulders. "But you must know better than I do that Alex is a closed book, whether it's about applesauce or otherwise."

Jessie nodded, seeming to struggle with herself. "Is - is she okay?" she suddenly said in a rush, her eyes shining with tears again.

"Shouldn't you ask her that yourself?" Aaron pointed out gently.

"This morning she crossed the road to avoid me," Jessie snapped. "I think that says it all."

"I can speak to her for you - if you want," Aaron hesitantly suggested.

Jessie just nodded, biting her lip before turning away from him.

* * *

"I feel so guilty about you going out there," Eric said, squeezing Alexis's hand, his eyes anxious as they scanned her sullen face.

"No, I'm glad to," Alexis tried and failed to say lightly. "I'm going stir-crazy in this cess-pool."

"That sounds suspiciously like sedition," Aaron observed, coming through the doorway.

"I love it when you go all _West Wing_ on me," Alexis said, rolling her eyes.

"I prefer him when he's doing his Basil Fawlty impression," Eric twinkled, making Alexis smile despite herself. Eric's almost obsessive love for all things twee, quaint and most of all British, had become an in-joke in Alexandria, amusing Alexis no end. Whilst Aaron collected car number plates, Eric secretly hoarded tea-cosies, the more bizarre, the better, Alexis coveting anything with a cow on it.

"Did you get the jars of applesauce okay?" Alexis then asked Aaron as he set his backpack down on the coffee table.

"I had to literally prise them from your sister's fingers," Aaron joked, only to stop short at the sight of Alexis's face. "Look, you should really go and see her before we leave, Alex," Aaron then said quietly, exchanging a glance with Eric. "She's worried about you."

"If she's really that worried, why doesn't she leave that bastard she calls a husband?" Alexis snapped, tears springing to her eyes. "Why does she put up with his shit - why do _we _all put up with it?"

"It's not just the roamers or walls that keep us in here, kid," Aaron said, sitting down beside her, "it's the fear."

"I'm not scared of Pete," Alexis said, flaring up.

"No, but we're scared of losing him," Aaron said gently. "He's the only proper medical personnel we have."

"But that doesn't give him the right to do what he wants."

"I'm not saying that" -

\- "But you are," Alexis argued, getting to her feet. "You're all Team Pete now because he saved Eric's leg."

Aaron stared at her, before looking away, his jaw tightening.

Alexis glanced at the door, before pushing her hair out of her eyes. "Look, I'll meet you by the gate," Alexis said, struggling to keep her voice civil, Aaron acknowledging her with a brief nod of his head. "See you later, alligator," she then said with some difficulty to Eric, their old catchphrase catching in her throat.

"Bye," Eric said softly, giving her hand one last squeeze. "Stay one step ahead, sweetie."

"Always do," Alexis said, "and always will."

_Eyes stinging from the black smoke, new hope_  
_Loose rope, risen from the undertow_  
_All is well_  
_We welcome the cry, of the dark night sky_  
_Swallow me peacefully, follow my heart back inside..._


	2. Fire Meet Gasoline

**Fire Meet Gasoline**

Alexis swung the RV round to a stop, ignoring the three roamers wandering the road ahead, glancing in the rear-view mirror instead, double-checking to see Aaron was still behind her. Satisfied he was safe, she pulled the keys out of the ignition, shoving them into the pocket of her denim shorts, before snatching up her backpack and swinging it over her shoulder, picking up a plastic carrier bag filled with bottles of water from the seat beside her as she did. Taking one last mocking glance at the RV's retro chic interior, she then made for the door, throwing it open and leaping down onto the parched earth outside, landing like a cat, the plastic bag banging off her thigh.

"You could always use the steps, you know," Aaron said dryly as she came towards him, shielding her eyes with her hand against the glare of the sun.

"How else am I supposed to test my reflexes?" she parried.

"By dodging Pete's punches?" Aaron suggested.

There was a silence.

"If that was meant to be a joke, it was in pretty poor taste," Alexis said from between gritted teeth.

"What like your little dig about me being Team Pete?" Aaron said coldly. "That was pretty below the belt itself, kid."

Alexis bit her lip, pushing her hair back.

"You know, I have my own problems with Pete," Aaron said, his voice shaking slightly, "he fancies himself quite the wit when it comes to making so called astute observations on my so called alternative lifestyle. He calls it humour, but I call it homophobia, and whether you like it or not, he's turning your sister against me and Eric as well. For a free spirit, she's surprisingly narrow-minded."

"She'll agree with anything Pete says to keep the peace," Alexis said tiredly. "You should know Jessie better than that, Aaron."

"Well, I figured it was only a matter of time before she joined the rest of Alexandria in passing judgement on my sexuality," Aaron said lightly, the anger in his eyes belying his flippant tone. "Now I'm just waiting for you to follow in her footsteps and defect to the other side."

"I don't think so."

"Yeah, right," Aaron said, turning away from her.

"Fine, whatever," Alexis snapped. "You have your flare gun?"

"Do_ you _have your flare gun?" Aaron retorted.

Alexis's answer to this was to swing her plastic bag of water bottles into the skull of a roamer that suddenly loomed out of nowhere on Aaron's left, its broken teeth heading straight for his jugular. As the roamer crumpled to the ground, Alexis stepped over it, pulling out her machete as she moved, sinking it into the skull of another two roamers that came staggering out of the woods towards them, before despatching the three that had been shambling about the road up ahead. Aaron just stood there, watching her work her way through them, his jaw tightening.

"You know, I think you're wasted in Alexandria," he called over to her, shouldering his backpack higher. "You'd be better off out here, a one-woman wrecking crew."

"I think Deanna's thinking along the same lines," Alexis said grimly, wiping her machete on the trousers of the nearest corpse.

"What?" Aaron said, shocked out of his antipathy.

"I'm talking about exile, Aaron," Alexis said bluntly, coming over to him. "An act of proscription."

Aaron stared at her, his face paling slightly. "She wouldn't do that," he said, shaking his head. "She has no grounds" -

\- "I'm not some fancy-assed board-certified surgeon," Alexis hissed, stowing her machete away. "When it comes to the crunch, it'll be me hitting the road, not Pete."

"I won't let her," Aaron said quietly, startling Alexis. "We might have our differences, but you're family - maybe not by blood, but by bond. You'll be deported over my dead body."

Alexis looked at him for a long moment before suddenly throwing her arms around his neck, Aaron wrapping his own around her shoulders, the two of them holding onto all that they had left, Alexandria suddenly seeming very far away.

* * *

Alexis crept through the trees, tucking a lock of wavy golden hair behind her ear, wishing she'd thought to tie it up before she'd left Alexandria. It fell over her shoulders and down her back like a waterfall, catching the light as well as the eye as she moved. Its length was impractical, a vanity she could only afford to have in Alexandria and not out here. If Deanna did exile her, Alexis would have to exile her hair in turn. The thought amused and antagonised her all at once, embodying the air of change Alexis could sense in the air. Something was coming, but what it was, Alexis couldn't quite say, feeling it was both about her and bigger than her.

She tightened her grip on the plastic bag of water bottles, fighting the thirst in her throat, not wanting to stop and start the laborious process of taking off her backpack and taking out her own bottle of water. She could easily open one of the other water bottles, but they weren't really for her use, more for any recruits she may come across. Alexis wasn't too fond of the term 'recruits' but Aaron seemed to favour the word, so she just rolled with it, even as she rebelled against its usage.

She clambered over a fallen tree-trunk, the sweat trickling down her spine. Aaron was somewhere nearby, trailing her just out of sight. If they did come across any survivors, they would observe them for a period of time to see if they were 'suitable', before approaching them, Alexis being the one to make first contact. Aaron hadn't been too happy with this, but Alexis and Earle had been the original so called 'recruiters' and they'd had their own system where Alexis had been the one to approach anyone they found, figuring a woman would be less threatening to them, making them more likely to listen to what she had to say.

When they'd first started building the walls of Alexandria, they'd needed all the help they could get, taking in all and sundry to complete such an ambitious undertaking. But with Alexandria now established, and Deanna looking to build a new and select society, anyone seeking sanctuary within its walls would now have to run a gauntlet to get past the gate, and Alexis wasn't sure whether to be repelled or not by the idea. They had a lot to protect, but when did protection stop and self-preservation start?

To Alexis, there was hypocrisy in the idea of vetting potential candidates before admittance to Alexandria. There was no point in trying to stop sinners at the gate when there was darkness already within. If Earle and his friends had been of any real use to Deanna, Alexis suspected they wouldn't have been banished. It all came down to who toed the line and who didn't; those that were disposable and those who weren't, and Alexis was both disposable and disputative.

She stumbled on, becoming nothing more than a shadow slipping between the trees. "_I was born in the wagon in a travelling show..." _Alexis sang tunelessly, pushing a vine out of the way before freezing, her eyes widening in shock. Then she heard it again, the shrill cry of a baby, life in the midst of death.

* * *

_But it's a bad debt_  
_Certain death_  
_But I want what I want_  
_And I gotta get it_

_When the fire dies_  
_Darkened skies_  
_Hot ash, dead match_  
_Only smoke is left..._

Alexis adjusted her binoculars, before taking another long look through their lens, disbelief paralysing her bones. What she'd first mistaken as roamers, where actually living, breathing human beings shuffling along the road in an uneven line, a slowly increasing band of real roamers trailing at their heels a short distance behind. What she couldn't understand was the lack of reaction the living was showing to the dead, as though they weren't there. It was almost as if they were part of the herd, heading aimlessly for a horizon that would never be reached.

She lowered her binoculars, her brow furrowing. It was obvious to her these people were on their last legs, clinging to life even as it slipped through their fingers. Whatever and whoever they were, they were alive, and they had a _baby_, a goddamn _baby_. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen an infant. The standard rules of 'recruiting' didn't apply here. She just didn't have the time to shadow and observe them to see if they were suitable. By the time she deemed them as such, they would probably be dead.

Knowing what she was about to do was directly against Deanna's orders, she suddenly made for the road, crashing through the undergrowth, tripping and stumbling over tree roots and moss covered rocks, branches catching at her hair and clothes. The world was nothing but a blur, some instinct warning her that it was imperative she reached these people before they perished, but when her feet found solid ground, it was only to find herself facing a row of guns, a Samurai sword and a crossbow.

_But it's a bad debt_  
_Certain death_  
_But I want what I want_  
_And I got to get it_

_When the fire dies_  
_Dark in the skies_  
_Hot as a match_  
_Only smoke is left..._


	3. We Are The Reckless

**We Are The Reckless **

_And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones_  
_'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs_  
_Setting fire to our insides for fun..._

"I don't mean any harm," Alexis said quietly, taking a step forward, only for a bolt to hit the ground just in front of her foot.

"Next time, I won't miss, _missie_," the redneck holding the crossbow hissed.

Alexis stared at him, the blood boiling through her veins. "Thanks for the warning," she said sarcastically, trying to conceal her fear with flippancy.

"Anytime," the redneck growled.

A silence fell, drilling into Alexis's skull. Almost against her will, her gaze became drawn to the man balancing the baby on his hip, his authorative stance and ruthless gaze holding her attention hostage. His eyes were azure blue against the background of his weatherbeaten face, his grey beard flecked with black, his filthy t-shirt clinging to the thin contours of his frame. He radiated a danger that drew her in despite herself, making her straighten her spine, silently acknowledging the challenge he was offering.

"Strip her," the man said coldly, lowering his gun.

"You could at least buy me a drink first," Alexis snapped, feeling her self-control slip.

The man just ignored her, two of the women stepping forwards, their bodies tensed up like coiled springs. Yet their faces were wary, uncertain even, the elder glancing at the man with something like doubt. As they patted Alexis down, something like sympathy battled with suspicion in their eyes, yet it didn't stop them from taking her machete and guns, as well as her backpack and plastic bag, not even bothering to check their contents. They then backed away from Alexis, the man stepping forwards this time, moving almost mechanically, tilting his head to one side as he studied Alexis.

"Walk," he ordered, raising his gun once more.

* * *

With her hands raised behind her head, Alexis stumbled across the scorched ground, the others following behind, forming the uneven line of before, the roamers trailing in their wake. Where Aaron was now, Alexis didn't know, some instinct warning her that she was alone, utterly and completely. With bitter hindsight she realised the monumental mistake she'd made in acting on impulse, sacrificing all sense for a bunch of strangers who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet between her eyes.

"Are you alone?" the man asked Alexis, almost as if he was flicking through her thoughts, making her glance curiously over her shoulder at him. Yet she didn't speak, suspecting silence to be the better part of surrender. "I said, are you goddamn alone!?" he suddenly exploded, making her jump violently, the baby letting out a wail.

"I'm alone!" Alexis yelled back, her voice shaking despite itself.

"Liar," he said from between gritted teeth.

"How am I a liar?" Alexis challenged, gritting her own teeth, even as she lied through them.

"Because you're obviously some kind of honey-trap," he snapped, his jaw tightening.

"A honey-trap?" Alexis said in disbelief, looking at him like he was mad.

"Yeah, a honey-trap," he drawled, looking at her in disgust.

"There is no trap," Alexis said, brow furrowing.

"How did you get that black eye, huh?" he demanded. "Your keeper kindly bestow it upon you?"

Alexis paled, suddenly thinking of her sister and nephews, how she might never see them again. Nobody would stand between them and Pete now, least of all Alexandria, the settlement only anxious to secure his services for itself, not caring what it might cost to have them. The man studied her again, something almost coldly methodical in his appraisal of her, like he was gathering evidence at a crime-scene. For a moment their eyes met, blue battling blue, and then Alexis turned away, staring at the long road ahead, the horizon shimmering in the heat as indistinct as a dream.

* * *

"We're not at our strongest," the man said quietly, surprising Alexis. But he wasn't speaking to her, but rather to the redneck with the crossbow who had fallen into step beside him. They had been walking for about twenty minutes now, each step taking Alexis further and further away from what she knew, reinforcing her certainty Aaron was lost to her. But she was grateful he was gone. All that mattered was that Aaron was safe from the strangers, nothing else. While she'd walked, she'd sensed the man's stare boring into her back, his silence unnerving her more than words ever would have.

"We can't keep walkin' the road," the redneck said distantly.

"I know," the man replied, "but it's been three weeks since we left Atlanta, and we've held out so far."

The redneck just scoffed, Alexis's attention caught by the mention of Atlanta.

"Look, I know you lost something back there," the man said in an angry undertone, "but I need you with me on this, brother."

The redneck glanced at the ground, refusing to meet the man's almost pleading gaze. "She's hungry," he said, gesturing to the baby without looking at it, "best git somethin' in her belly."

"There's nothin' to give her," the man said, his voice cracking.

The redneck strode ahead, his shoulders hunching, but as he passed Alexis, she saw rage in his ravaged face, belying his defeated demeanour. She watched as he left the road for the woods instead, raising his crossbow as he moved, the swiftness of the movement matching the swift stealth of his feet. As he disappeared from sight, she glanced over her shoulder at the man again, her gaze crashing into his once more.

"There's a jar of applesauce in my backpack," she said urgently. "Take it for the baby."

The man just stared at her blankly.

"For God's sake!" she snapped. "Take the goddamn applesauce!"

The man raised his gun again, his finger almost but not quite curling around the trigger. "You say one more word, I will sink a bullet into your skull," he said in a low voice. "Do you understand me?"

Alexis swallowed hard before nodding, sudden hatred coursing through her veins for him.

He then lowered his gun, dropping a fierce kiss on the baby's brow as he did so. "She's okay," he fired at Alexis, almost daring her to challenge him, "she's going to be okay."

Alexis faced the road again, sweat dripping down her spine, struggling with the urge to argue with him, to make him see sense so he would let her lead him and his group back to Alexandria. But he would sacrifice salvation for silence, sinking a bullet into her skull, just like he'd promised. So Alexis kept silent, her feet dragging along the parched ground, one of the walking dead.

_And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones_  
_'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone_  
_We're setting fire to our insides for fun..._


	4. Paper Prince

**Paper Prince**

"Rick!"

Alexis raised her aching head, finally daring to glance over her shoulder, only to see everyone else slow to a halt, her feet following their example. Pushing the greasy dark hair out of his eyes, the Asian man gestured to the crowd of roamers shuffling towards them, dangerously close now, enough for Alexis to see their ravaged faces and bared teeth. Her hand instantly reached for her machete, only for the man to swing round, cocking his gun in the direction of her head again. Alexis froze, remembering too late her machete was gone, her arm falling almost stupidly to her side. He contemplated her for a moment, tilting his head again, his eyes oddly empty, before turning back to the others.

"To the bridge," he said abruptly, before striding forwards, forcing Alexis to start walking again.

"Rick" -

\- "I said _to the bridge_," he snapped, losing all measure of self-control, "now!"

For a moment, mutiny was in the air, and then it was gone, the others resuming their slow stumble again. Time stumbled with them, the bridge beginning to loom near, Alexis's heart sinking with every step she took towards it, feeling the man's stare boring into her back again. _Rick. _It didn't fit the picture he presented, the civilization present in those several syllables sitting at odds with the savagery of his soul. Rick was the name of guys with freshly ironed shirts that strained at the stomach, the kind that sat on their porches during the long summer evenings, putting the world to rights over a cold beer or two.

Pete was one of those men, holding barbecues for the neighbourhood whilst battering his wife behind closed doors, sporting a smile whilst Jessie sported a black eye, their life a web of lies and deceptions that deceived nobody. Pete had broken her family, whilst Rick would ensure she'd never return to its remnants. She had failed to save her sister, and she would fail to save these people, all because one single man stood in her way. Her fists clenched uselessly by her sides, the gesture noted and recorded by Rick, making his jaw tighten, his gaze then travelling over the rest of her, taking her in from top to toe, trying and failing to work her out again.

There was no avarice in his eyes, only an empty coldness slowly becoming filled with a bitter distance. She had denied being a honey trap, but what else would she be with that face and those long limbs? She was a front for something bigger, luring them onto the rocks by lowering their guard. But he hadn't fallen for the bait, pre-empting any possible attack by taking her hostage. Yet as he studied the fall of her golden hair, he sensed they were still on the edge of war, merely awaiting the enemy to come out into the open. It was only a matter of time before blood would be shed, and it wasn't going to be his or his kin's.

With gritted teeth, he directed Carl with Judith balanced on his hip, Noah, Father Gabriel and Eugene to the other side of the bridge, jerking his head at Carol, Tara and Rosita to follow, before turning to the others, his gaze falling on Alexis again. She stood there, her face a carefully blank mask, contrasting with her blazing blue eyes. Behind her, the others formed a makeshift line, the roamers almost echoing their stance, all that the living would become.

"What ab't Goldilocks?" Abraham asked, making Alexis glance up, surprise spoiling the stillness of her features. He glanced at her in return, almost appraisingly, making her spine stiffen, reminding her of Earle, the way he used to look at her like she was a prize already won. There was no threat in Abraham's gaze, only a discreet admiration, but it was enough to recall a past she'd rather not remember.

"She can take her chances with the rest of us," Rick growled, striking a stance, his hand on the hilt of his machete.

"But she doesn't have a weapon," Maggie said quietly, gesturing to the pile of belongings they'd taken from Alexis.

"I don't want her anywhere near my children," Rick snapped, "so she stays where she is." He surveyed the approaching horde, his jaw tightening again. "No guns, no noise," he ordered, "I want total silence. Conserve your strength and use your surroundings."

Everyone nodded before taking an offensive position, their faces strained, bodies hunched over. Rick glanced round at them, brow creasing with worry, his gaze falling upon Alexis again, comparing her against his family, how well fed she appeared next to them, and _clean,_ her long hair well-kept and glossy, her bare legs smooth and tan. Wherever she came from, she had it good, prosperity built on the bones of others. The thought made his fists clench, and he strode forwards, struggling to rein in his rage, to keep a clear head as he went in for the kill.

The fight began slow and silent, the Walkers staggering right up to them, before being shoved down the slope, Alexis hesitating before joining in, pushing what had been once a woman down the grassy verge. Somehow she found herself by Rick's side, the two of them dispatching the dead together as if they were allies instead of enemies, and when Rick lost his balance, it was Alexis who grabbed his arm, dragging him back from the edge. He yanked himself out of her grip, staring at her in shock, before recovering himself, giving her an abrupt nod before returning to the fight.

In the end, it was Sasha who broke rank, her grief making her lose control. She attacked a Walker head on, before seeming to go blank, Michonne pulling out her Samurai sword, eyes angry as she interceded, making Alexis uncomfortably realise this was a conflict that beyond battling the roamers. Rick watched this piece of by-play with bitter interest, before stalking forwards, pulling out his machete as he moved.

"Stay in line," he ordered, "flank her but keep it controlled." But as Alexis stepped forwards, he yelled at her to stay back, startling her, Glenn shoving her behind him before throwing himself into the fray, Alexis watching him and the others turn into killing machines, taking out the roamers with coldly practiced precision. But it was Rick she watched the most, the harsh motion of his frame, the savage curl of his lips -

A roamer suddenly grabbed him from behind, but before Rick could react, the redneck was there, dragging it off him, sinking a bolt into its skull. The air was filled with spurting blood and slashing blades, then silence, Michonne looming over Sasha, her face a battlefield of emotion; pity, anger, and an odd contempt Alexis didn't understand. The others surrounded them, Rick stowing away his machete, looking almost reluctant to interfere.

"I told you to _stop_," Michonne said from between gritted teeth.

Sasha just stared at her, her big brown eyes becoming blank again, and Alexis stepped forwards, making Rick whirl on her, his gun suddenly in his hand, its barrel aimed at her head again.

"I told you to stay _back_," he growled, almost echoing Michonne.

"We - we need to talk," Alexis stuttered, spreading her hands wide, "it - it doesn't have to be like this" -

\- "Gag her," Rick ordered Daryl, "and tie her hands up as well. I'm not taking anymore chances."

"You have to listen to me!" Alexis protested as Daryl and the others descended on her. "Your lives depend on it! There's a" -

\- "I don't have to listen to anything," Rick said as Daryl shoved a dirty rag into her mouth. "Least of all you."

* * *

Rick shoved Alexis onto the ground, ignoring her muffled protest of pain, the concrete biting into her bones. The others collapsed onto the ground around her, Rick stationing himself some distance from Alexis, sitting beside her belongings instead, studying them with a sneer. They'd walked for a good half hour before stumbling across some abandoned cars, ransacking them for anything useful, Alexis witnessing an odd interlude between the brown-haired woman and Asian man, an incident that had made her raise her eyebrows despite everything.

She'd watched the woman unlock the boot of the car, only to find a roamer bound and gagged, the woman then slamming the boot shut, before trying to open it again, something like hysteria beginning to engulf her as she struggled to gain access again. She'd hit the car with her fist, before pulling out her gun, preparing to shoot the lock off, until the Asian man had halted her with his hand, words being exchanged between them. He'd then opened the boot, surveying the roamer before sinking his blade into its skull, making to close the boot again, only to hesitate and leave it wide open instead.

Alexis studied her scraped knees, her throat burning with thirst, her skin slick with sweat. She didn't know how this was going to end, if they would see sense and listen to her, or they would just let her go without listening to what she had to say, but she sensed Rick would rather put a bullet between her eyes than show mercy. They all sat there in silence, Alexis burning with frustration, only to start violently as the sound of a branch breaking underfoot went off like a gun, shattering the stillness, making everyone reach for their weapons.

There was a rustling, and then the redneck, Daryl, emerged from the undergrowth, his face filthy beneath his tangled shaggy hair. Everyone's hands fell uselessly to their sides, sinking back into their usual antipathy as Rick and Daryl exchanged a series of looks, a telegraph that ended with Daryl shaking his head. He'd left the group earlier, stalking back into the woods, his crossbow slung across his back, searching for a shelter out there that would never be found. And again he'd returned empty-handed, not realising shelter was right in front of him, for all of them, if Rick would just make that leap of faith.

Daryl sat down on the edge of the roadside, his eyes oddly finding Alexis's. For a moment they stared at one another, Daryl's gaze travelling over her blonde hair, something like a strange longing flickering over his face, and then he abruptly turned away from her, leaving Alexis slightly shaken. He hadn't been looking at _her_, but someone else, like Alexis didn't exist. Every other time he'd looked at her, it had been with indifference or dislike, but in the space of a heartbeat, something had shifted in the balance between them. As though from far away, she remembered what Rick had said, _look, I know you lost something back there..._

"So all we've got is booze?" Tara said quietly as Abraham pulled out a bottle of bourbon from his pocket.

"Yep," Rosita said curtly.

"That's not gonna help," Tara said, exchanging a glance with Glenn opposite.

"He knows that," Rosita said, smoothing down her bunches.

"It's gonna make it worse," Tara said, making the obvious obvious.

"Yes, it is," Rosita replied deadpan, making the obvious even more obvious.

Ignoring their commentary, Abraham started to slowly unscrew the bottle lid off, almost like he was deliberating with himself over whether he should drink it or not.

"We need water, not liquor," Carol said, shooting Abraham a sharp glance.

"Ihavefwater!" Alexis snapped, making everyone look at her. Rick studied her for a moment, involuntarily remembering her hand on his arm, her grip surprisingly strong, steadying him, dragging him back from the brink. He signalled Tara to remove Alexis's gag, before training his gun on her for the umpteenth time.

"You say anything other than what you just said, I will kill you here and now," he said coldly. "Do you understand me?"

Alexis nodded, hatred for him twisting her guts like a vice.

"Now what did you just say?"

"That I have water," Alexis said sourly, "in that plastic bag beside you."

Rick signalled for Tara to gag Alexis again, before examining the plastic bag in question, raising his eyebrows at seeing it packed with plastic water bottles. He took one out, before holding it up, examining it from all angles. Before anyone could react, he unscrewed the lid, tipping the bottle upside down and emptying its contents over the parched ground, the others watching with sullen faces as he repeated the gesture until he was surrounded by empty plastic bottles. Alexis stared at him, her face pale beneath her tan, eyes wide with disbelief above her gag.

"Beware of Greeks bearing gifts," Rick said, the corners of his lips curling downwards with contempt. But just as he said this, several dogs with matted fur and bared teeth suddenly sprang from the foliage, making everyone freeze, the beasts bearing collars round their necks, belying their former origins. Nobody moved, canine or otherwise, a stand-off developing between the species, kill or be killed.

Then Daryl slowly drew out his Bowie knife, Rick reaching for his machete in response, face feral as he faced the row of dogs. An Alsatian barked, its brown-black fur bristling, the sound sharply reminding Alexis of the dogs back in Alexandria, a world away from the desperate creatures before her. Like a chorus, the other dogs started barking as well, edging forwards and backwards, Alexis not sure if they craved their flesh or friendship, naivety blinkering her. Then there were several sharp spits of bullets, the dogs collapsing to the ground with whimpers that tore at Alexis's heart, their jerking bodies finally flinching still, Sasha standing over them, rifle raised, her face as blank as theirs.

* * *

Alexis dragged her feet forwards, the tang of roasting dog meat still strong in her nostrils, making her stomach turn. To her horror, after some hesitation, the others had cooked and eaten the dead dogs, Alexis watching with a sort of stoic despair. Father Gabriel had been the only one of their number to show any kind of open revulsion, staring at the flickering flames with empty eyes, before tearing off his dog collar and watching it burn, the other collars of the dogs lying abandoned on the ground nearby, the irony not lost on Alexis. Then the group had set off again, nourishment giving them much needed strength, whispered conversations catching, and then losing Alexis's attention. _I don't think I'm going to make it... I don't know if I wanna fight it anymore... _

"You shouldn't have disposed of those bottles of water like that," Eugene said suddenly, startling everyone.

Rick did a double-take, before tilting his head to the side. "Excuse me?" Rick said in disbelief, the group slowing to a stop.

"I said, you shouldn't have disposed of those bottles of water like that," Eugene said, trying and failing to stand his ground, almost comically shrinking into himself under the weight of Rick's rage.

"There could have been something in it," Carol said quietly, stepping forwards. "Some sort of poison perhaps, maybe not enough to kill, but certainly enough to incapacitate."

"If this is a trap," Eugene said, indicating Alexis, "we already happen to be in it."

"Don't you think I know that?" Rick snapped. "That bitch is bait, sent to lull us into a false sense of security. Until her people reveal themselves, we're walking a thin line here."

"An' we ain't into walkin' tight-ropes," Daryl said, rounding on Alexis, his bitter gaze burning her.

"So what do we do?" Glenn asked, glancing at Maggie.

Rick looked away, his hand twitching in the direction of his gun, making Alexis tense up. Then the sky rumbled overhead, making everyone raise their heads, brows furrowing. Before Alexis could blink, the heavens suddenly opened, droplets striking her skin, the sound of sudden rain rippling the silence. In the space of several seconds, she was soaked through, water plastering her hair to her head, making it drip down the back of her neck. All around her, everyone just stood there, letting the storm wash over them.

Then the laughter started, bringing everyone back to life, Rosita and Tara sinking to the ground in relief, Carl tilting his head back, mouth comically wide open, Judith looking less than pleased at being wet. Carol started rummaging through their rucksacks, Noah and Glenn helping her, the trio pulling out water bottles and containers, anything that could be filled with water. As Father Gabriel stood there sobbing, thanking God for this unexpected benediction, Maggie glanced at Daryl with dead eyes, some unspoken loss binding them together, the two just standing there in the pouring rain, Sasha making a third, her blank gaze meeting Machine's, her pretty face suddenly becoming alive and ugly with contempt.

Alexis watched all this unfold, feeling isolated amongst the crowd, Alexandria nothing but a distant memory, her family fading from her. Where Aaron was, she still didn't know. If he had tracked her trail, he would have surely found her by now, or at least approached the group upon seeing her with them. His absence was ominous, only serving to emphasize her own precarious position. Her gaze travelled over those she was trying to save, seeing all sides of society from all walks of life, a society that no longer existed except inside Alexandria's walls, before finally falling on Rick, trying and failing to work him out all over again.

He held himself like a hero, like a leader, like the paper princes Alexis used to dream about as a young girl, her head turned by tales of chivalry and romance. But appearances were deceptive, illusions two-edged, able to hurt as well as heal. Alexis had outgrown her idylls, but she couldn't help but remember them as she watched Rick smile at his son, the expression changing his whole face, making his eyes crinkle at the corners, lightening his entire aspect. For a moment, she caught a glimpse of who he'd been, but as his eye caught hers, his face shut down, darkness descending, killing his light.

_And he's looking at me now_  
_But what he can't see_  
_Is that I'm looking through his eyes_  
_So many lies behind his eyes_  
_And tell me stories from your past_  
_Sing me songs you wrote before_  
_I tell you this my poison prince_  
_You'll soon be knockin' on heavens door…_


	5. Storm Nor Soul

**Storm Nor Soul**

_I saw their starved lips in the gloam_  
_With horrid warning gaped wide_  
_And I awoke and found me here_  
_On the cold hill's side..._

Deanna fast-forwarded through the interview she'd recorded of Earle denying Alexis's accusation he'd tried to force himself on her, before hitting the pause button, steepling her fingers as she studied his subdued demeanour, resting her chin on her hands. Not for the first time, she doubted her decision to send him away. For a moment, she allowed herself to be seduced by the memory of his handsome face and earnest air, remembering the conviction he'd carried in his voice, making people trust him despite themselves, Deanna included. And then she switched the laptop off, staring at the blank screen for a long moment, before getting up from her chair, the movement slow and measured.

She made her way over to an antique writing bureau, hesitating before pulling out a manila folder from one of its pigeon-holes. Inside it was various black and white photographs taken just after the completion of Alexandria's walls, several featuring Earle and Alexis together, his arm either slung casually across her shoulder, or Alexis mock punching him. Anyone could have been mistaken in thinking they were a couple, but in reality, the affection had all lain on Earle's side. Or he'd said in the interview, confessing he was in love with Alexis, that he'd only made a move on her thinking she felt the same way, insisting he'd backed off when Alexis had rejected him.

Deanna set the photos down, her gaze lingering on Alexis's face, trying to unravel her mystery. Whilst Jessie was textbook girl-next-door pretty, blonde and buxom, Alexis's beauty ran along more complex lines, appearing plain one moment, then luminously beautiful the next. Her main advantages were her fall of naturally golden hair and almost violet eyes, but her lips were thin, her nose big, her chin jutting out slightly. Yet for all these faults, her features held a harmony that sang of beauty, even as her high cheekbones clashed with the sharp planes of her face, lending her an otherworldly look, almost unearthly to behold.

The thought made Deanna frown because she wasn't prone to flights of fancy, but Alexis had always reminded her of the poem _La Belle Sans Merci_, 'Full beautiful—a faery's child/Her hair was long, her foot was light/And her eyes were wild'... Alexis carried herself like a queen, holding herself apart from the rest of the world, even from those closest to her. In these photographs, she seemed like a whole other person, lively and always laughing, open and easygoing, looking like there was still hope in the world. But that had been before Earle, before he'd betrayed her fragile faith in him, making her become what she was now, alternating between anger and ice, qualities Deanna hadn't dreamt Alexis could possess.

Deanna thought back to her last conversation with Alexis, trying not to dwell on the details, but rather Alexis's manner, the contradictory combination of defiance and submission it had held. Deanna flattered herself she could read people, but Alexis, even now, remained a closed book to her. She could never get a handle on Alexis, the moment she thought had, Alexis would do a complete 360, forcing Deanna to start all over again. She suspected that there was a constant storm brewing under Alexis's still surface, one that could tear down the walls of Alexandria if so inclined.

She took one last look at Alexis's face, thinking of the girl she had been, comparing her to the woman she was now, realising that the storm had been brewing in Alexis from the very beginning, only awaiting its chance to strike. If it hadn't been Earle, it would have been someone or something else. Now it was Pete who was the focus of Alexis's wrath, and while she might have reason for it, she lacked the logic to see the position it put Deanna in. She had to think of Alexandria, not just Jessie, involving her in an impossible dilemma that couldn't be resolved.

Deanna sighed heavily before putting the pictures away. For a moment, her heart ached for the old Alexis, the one that smiled without a second thought, who had danced her way down the sidewalks of Alexandria with an utter lack of self-consciousness, her blonde hair billowing behind her, framing her face like a golden veil. She had embodied all that Deanna had hoped for Alexandria, but that Alexis had never existed. She had only been a front to fool what was left of the world, deceiving Deanna with it. That Alexis had been all shadow and no substance, only all storm.

If Deanna exiled Pete, what would they do for a doctor? But Alexis only thought of her family, not even Aaron or Eric. She would battle for her blood but nobody else. At this thought, Deanna felt a twinge of guilt, knowing she wasn't being fair on Alexis. But she dismissed her doubt. Alexis wasn't being fair on her, backing her into a corner, forcing her to defend her indefensible position. Alexis didn't carry the burdens she bore, having the lives of so many depending on her one. They looked to her for leadership, and so she led, having no other desire but to do so.

She made her way over to the window, her gaze finding the walls that kept them safe. Beyond them lay the wreckage of civilization, but she would build a better world on its bones, forging a future from its flesh. But to survive, they needed more than a dream. They needed knowledge. Those who lived within the walls needed to learn from those who lived outside them. That was how Alexandria would survive. It would be her legacy, a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Deanna turned away from Alexandria, her heart hardening against Alexis. Nothing would stand in her way to keep these walls standing, not storm nor soul.

_And this is why I sojourn here_  
_Alone and palely loitering_  
_Though the sedge is withered from the lake_  
_And no birds sing_


	6. What We Are

**What We Are**

A storm was coming, Rick reading the sky like a book, forcing the group to retreat to a rickety barn a mile or so out, Alexis unwillingly included in the caravan, the rain striking her skin like bullets. After securing the building, Rick had then ushered his people inside, before dragging Alexis in by the arm, almost but not quite hurting her, his cold gaze lingering on her bruised face. She knew he was trying to work out the contradiction she presented. If she really was a honey-trap, her black eye would only serve to arouse suspicion. Even if Rick did eventually listen to her, she would still have to explain her injury, knowing he would brook no bullshit.

"Some people just can't give up... like us," Carol said in an undertone to Maggie, making Alexis glance over at them. She was starting to put names to faces, assessing who held standing, and who didn't. Carol caught her eye, her brow furrowing slightly, then she turned away from Alexis, effectively ignoring her. After a few moments of murmured conversation with Maggie, she then went away, leaving Maggie on her own, Rick then coming over, his attention as always on Alexis. No matter what he was doing, he always kept her in his eye-line, just in case.

Alexis tossed her blonde hair back, blue eyes blazing, meeting his stare straight on. But despite her apparent defiance, she was shaking inside. She didn't know what Rick was capable of, whether his people were capable of stopping him once he started. There was a mutinous undercurrent within the group, but it was largely repressed, everyone reluctantly falling into line behind Rick. If he unleashed his rage on her, would they intervene? And what happened if that rage broke its boundaries, becoming something else? Would they stand by and let it happen for the sake of their own survival?

As Rick stalked over to her, Alexis involuntarily took a step back, making him spring forwards. "What the hell are you playing at?" he hissed, taking his tension out on her. "You ain't got nowhere to go, Goldilocks, not unless you want to become Walker bait."

Alexis just stared at him, trying to stand her ground.

Rick stared at her in return, before suddenly raising his hand, making her flinch. Her reaction made him freeze, striking his raw conscience like whiplash. "I ain't going to hit you," he then said from between gritted teeth, "I just want to take a look at you." He meant her black eye, but his words held a whole other meaning for Alexis.

Before he could react, she turned tail, sprinting for the barn doors, Daryl rugby-tackling her to the ground before she could reach it. Then both men were on top of her, trying to restrain her, Alexis twisting and turning, her tangled blonde hair blinding her, legs lashing out, her screams choked off by the gag. The others hung back, shocked, Maggie at the forefront, eyes blank, like she was in a trance, seeing not Alexis, but Beth, Beth being taken, screaming, struggling -

"Get away from her!" Maggie screamed, startling everyone. "Get away from her!" Before Glenn could grab her, she'd turned her gun on Rick and Daryl, the former slowly getting to his feet, the latter backing away, calloused hands raised, understanding when nobody else could. Maggie advanced on Rick, her shaking hands making him unwillingly follow Daryl's example, and hold up his own. "Get away from her," Maggie repeated, enunciating every word.

"She ain't Beth, Maggie," Daryl said softly, "it ain't her."

Maggie stood there, her chin trembling. For a moment, the world hung in the balance, and then she finally lowered the gun, Glenn quickly taking it from her. Rick stared at Maggie, seeing a stranger, and he turned away from her, anger threatening to overwhelm him. But he fought it, knowing he couldn't judge, having done the same himself, pulling a gun out on everyone back at the prison. The others remained rooted to the spot, unsure what to do next, secretly wondering who would turn on who next.

It was Eugene who broke the impasse, shuffling forwards, shoulders hunched. Without a word, he helped Alexis to her feet, before steering her over to a broken down bench, Alexis too stunned to do anything but submit. Rick witnessed this bit of by-play in bitter silence, before suddenly turning and leaving, heading for the hayloft instead. At this, the others retreated, Daryl stationing himself by the barn doors, Eugene shrouding himself in a shadowed corner, his heart pounding in his chest.

He'd challenged Rick over the water bottles, and he'd done it again by aiding the girl. There would be repercussions for such rebellion, but in that moment, Eugene didn't care. His conscience had smote him over lying about the cure, forcing him to confess, but this was different. Whatever the girl was, she hadn't done anything so far to justify being manhandled and ill-treated. She hadn't sinned like he had. And so he hid in the shadows, an unlikely knight in shining armour, his pudgy hands curled into fists by his side, ready for the fight.

* * *

As Glenn and Daryl tried to keep the fire going, the flames threatening to flicker out into oblivion, Rick approached Alexis almost nervously, a horse blanket slung over his arm. He'd spent the rest of the afternoon up in the hayloft, keeping watch, trying and failing to forget the look in Alexis's eyes, the sheer terror she'd shown. Later on, Carl had come up to relieve him, forcing Rick to face his demons. But Alexis had ignored him, her head bowed, her golden hair falling across her face like a veil, concealing it from his sight.

Night had now fallen, Carl still up in the hayloft, scanning the surrounding fields, Judith slumbering in an old dusty basket Tara had found tucked away under some potato sacks. The others had ransacked the barn for anything they could use, their haul including a large pile of musty smelling horse blankets. Dividing the spoils amongst themselves, Rick had seen a blanket going spare, and against his will, he'd thought of Alexis shivering in her cow print vest top and denim shorts, driving him to snatch up the blanket with more force than necessary, making Carol raise an eyebrow at his aggressive enthusiasm.

"Hey," Rick said gruffly, inwardly recoiling as Alexis raised her head, her face bone-white, eyes almost sunken. To his disquiet, he saw she'd been crying, the sight striking his flayed conscience again. Wordlessly, he held out the horse blanket, but Alexis didn't take it, just staring at him like he was more monster than man, making Rick recoil again. Without any warning, he grabbed her bound wrists, hauling her to her feet, before steering her over to the fire, forcing her to sit down, startling the others with their sudden entrance.

With gritted teeth, Rick then cut the rope binding her wrists, before taking off her gag, chucking them aside. He then draped the blanket around her shoulders, Alexis looking up through her tumbled hair at him, fear battling bewilderment, not understanding this abrupt change of attitude towards her. For a long moment, Rick just looked at her, his jaw tightening, and then he sat down across from her, the flames dividing them even further. Alexis sank back, realising he was silently warning her, that just because he gave her an inch, she shouldn't take a mile. So instead of seizing the opportunity to finally tell him about Alexandria, Alexis just kept quiet, taking the battered tin cup of water Carol offered her, sipping the bitter liquid in silence.

Outside, the storm started its assault on the earth, stirring something in Alexis. In the old world, she used to sit by her bedroom window for hours at a time, watching the world at war with nature, the sky a battlefield, Alexis at one with the elements. Jessie had never understood Alexis's fascination with forces outside her control, her obsessions more earthly, rooted in paintboxes and paper, then Pete, much to her own detriment.

Rick sat there, watching the firelight paint amber shadows across Alexis's face, turning her into a living canvas. The flashes of lightning illuminated her hair, making it look like spun gold. It was fairytale hair, the type treasured for generations, kept in lockets, locked away. But wherever she came from, whoever she was, he didn't care. If she tried anything, he would cut her down. Sooner or later he would get the truth from her, but it could wait for tonight. Ignoring Carol's questioning sidelong glances, he threw some more wood onto the dying fire, the sparks reflected in Alexis's eyes.

"It's too wet," Daryl said quietly, leaning his back against the wall. "Ain't gonna last."

Rick just shrugged his shoulders, head twitching.

"Why did you cut her loose, Rick?" Carol asked without accusation or emotion, putting into words what everyone was wondering. Alexis kept her gaze on the ground, staring at the undone lace of her hiking boot, her grip tightening on the tin cup.

"Cos I felt like it," Rick said, eyes narrowing.

Carol's jaw tightened, but she didn't say anything else, the others following her example.

Time ticked past, Rick sitting there, hunched over, tracing a pattern in the dirt with his forefinger, Alexis daring a darting glance in his direction, wondering why he'd bothered to give her a blanket. It sat at odds with his earlier behaviour, and as she furtively studied him, he raised his head, catching her out. "I ain't no monster," he said hoarsely, startling everyone, Alexis most, "not the kind you think I am anyways."

Alexis swallowed hard, but again, she stood her ground. Rick was a riddle, one she didn't care to unravel. So she kept silent, keeping her distance.

"I'll go and check on Carl and Judith," Carol said tactfully, making to get up, only for Rick to halt her.

"S'alright," he said, "leave them be. Carl's got it covered."

Carol nodded, sitting back down. "They'll be okay," she said strangely, confusing Alexis, only to realise Carol must be carrying on an earlier conversation. "Kids bounce back, better than any of us adults anyways." Carol laughed bitterly at her own wit, Daryl looking at her for a long moment, his face unreadable, before glancing at the ground, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes.

Rick just sat there, eyes empty. "I used to feel sorry for kids growing up in this," he said more to himself than anyone else, "but I think I got it wrong," he said, raising his head, alert all of a sudden, looking round at them all, Alexis included, looking at her the longest. "Growing up is getting used to the world," he said, voice gaining strength, his words making Alexis think of her nephews, "so it's easier for them. This is all Judith will know, all Carl will remember. This will be their world, not ours. Everything _we _know is gone, and it'll never come back."

"No," Michonne flared up, "this isn't it. There has to be more than this."

"Might be," Glenn said under his breath, stoking the fire with a stick.

"Might?" Michonne snapped. "That's just giving up!"

"It's reality," Glenn said, losing his customary cool.

"It's _our _reality," Rick said, his blue eyes aflame with bitterness. "This is what we have to live with."

"For now," Michonne argued.

"For now," Rick repeated, "or maybe forever. I don't know. But we do what we need to do. _Then _we get to live. This is how _we_ survive. We tell ourselves that _we _are the walking dead." He glanced round them all, the firelight throwing the unrelenting lines of his face into relief.

"We're not them," Alexis said, her voice barely audible, making Rick's head jerk up. "We're not _them_."

_Did we travel all this way_  
_Just to survive?_  
_Did you stay another day?_  
_We could survive…_

* * *

The wind rattled the barn doors, making the hinges screech in protest, the rain striking the roof like arrows, making Alexis feel like she was in a besieged castle. She peered through the knot-hole, watching the storm turn the night almost azure before pitching it into darkness. After her outburst, the group had discreetly dispersed, retreating to their respective corners, Alexis claiming a corner for her own, always aware of Rick's gaze upon her. He hadn't said anything to her again, almost acting like she didn't exist, only watching, waiting for her to make a wrong move.

Alexis suspected Rick was just playing mind games with her, literally trying to kill her with kindness. But whatever trap he was setting, she wasn't going to fall into it. Sighing heavily, she was just about to turn away from the knot-hole when a flash of movement caught her attention, making her do a double-take. Pressing her eye against the wood, she strained to see past the shifting darkness, only for a flare of thunder to explode, setting the night alight. For a split second, the darkness became day, allowing Alexis to see through the veil.

"Oh God," Alexis breathed. Before Rick could react, she was gone, running for the barn doors. But some instinct warned him she wasn't making another break for it. He tore after her, hurling himself round the corner, only to be confronted by the sight of Daryl trying to hold the doors shut singlehandedly, his back pressed against the planks, face filled with strain, teeth bared.

Alexis skidded to a halt, swaying on the spot, before flinging herself forwards, ramming her palms into the wood, splinters searing her skin, Alexis obvious to the pain. Rick just stood there, exhaustion rendering him idiotic, dully remembering Carl was meant to be keeping watch, not realising his son had fallen asleep. Maggie rushed past him, then Sasha, the two women trying to shoulder the door shut, the others glancing up, realising reality too late, panic propelling them forwards, past Rick, their elbows clipping him, making him stagger. But still he stood there with his feet of clay.

"Rick!" Alexis screamed at him, the sound of her voice kickstarting him back to consciousness. With a yell, Rick rushed forwards, throwing himself into the fray. All around him were arms and legs, everyone flinging their bodies against the barn doors, digging their heels into the ground, the wind roaring through the rafters, drowning out the sound of the dead. Somehow his son was beside him, his face bone-white beneath the brim of his hat, eyes wide and wild, Lori's eyes, lucent blue, searing through his soul.

Alexis was now on the ground, wedged between Tara and Eugene, somebody's knee striking her in the back of the head. Gritting her teeth, she slammed her spine against the wood, battling the storm with blood and bone, barricading the world out with her body. Around them, the barn shook and swayed like a sinking ship, Rick struggling to stay upright, trying to gain traction, his feet slipping, sliding, fingers fumbling, heart stopping. Somehow his eyes met Alexis's, her gaze suddenly holding him steady whilst the world came crashing down around them, drowning them in death.

_All the sinners and the saints_  
_Move in the same direction_  
_They walk in place_  
_Until the end_

_Ramble on this barren place_  
_We call our home_  
_Dreams of endless landscapes_  
_Morphing in love…_


	7. Cruel World

**Cruel World **

_Because you're young, you're wild, you're free_  
_You're dancin' circles around me_  
_You're fuckin' crazy_  
_Oh, oh, you're crazy for me…_

Alexis sat in a far corner, hands folded in her lap, her face a blank study. Nearby, Rick paced to and fro, trying to soothe a wailing Judith. She was hungry, but he had nothing to give her, his hands as empty as her stomach. But still he strode back and forth, murmuring nonsense, cradling Judith's head against his shoulder. Alexis watched him against her will, studying the hard curve of his jaw, how it sat at odds with the uncharacteristic softness present in his weatherbeaten face.

After the storm had abated, Rick had sat up all night watching Alexis sleep, his gaze her bonds, trapping her as much as rope and chains. But all his intentions of questioning her over her own intentions had been replaced by the more pressing concerns of feeding his daughter. Daryl had gone out hunting, Maggie and Glenn embarking on a probably pointless supply run, leaving the others to occupy themselves, either keeping guard or catching up on lost sleep.

"There's a jar of applesauce in my backpack," Alexis said quietly, making Rick round on her.

"What did you say?" he spat, making Judith wail even louder.

"I said there's a jar of applesauce in my backpack," Alexis said calmly, the picture of composure, whilst chaos reigned inside.

Rick just stared at her, his blue eyes blazing, lips thinning. "Get it," he then said, drawing his Colt Python, balancing Judith on his hip.

Without a word, Alexis staggered to her feet, going over to where her backpack had been dumped unceremoniously under a tack-table. As she knelt down, Rick came up behind her, gun raised in her direction. "Here," Alexis said abruptly, all but slamming the jar down, beginning to lose her cool.

"Open it," he ordered.

Alexis unwillingly obeyed.

"Now eat it."

"It's not for me," Alexis snapped. "It's for the baby."

"Which is precisely why I want you to eat some," Rick snarled, "in front of me, right now."

"I'm not trying to poison your kid" -

\- "Eat the goddamn applesauce!"

"I'm not going to be your goddamn guinea pig!" Alexis shouted, her voice ringing through the rafters.

"You wanna die, Goldilocks?" Rick said, his finger curling round the trigger. "Cos if that's the way you want this to go down, I'm more than willin' to play."

"Do you want your daughter to die?" Alexis said, her voice shaking. "Because if she doesn't eat, that's what is going to happen."

"So eat the applesauce then," Rick said from between gritted teeth.

"I - I hate applesauce," Alexis winced, the words being wrenched from her lips, "even looking at it is enough to make me throw up."

"Barf or die," Rick said simply. "Your choice."

"I hate you, you know that?" Alexis said, the tears welling up in her eyes. "I fucking hate you!"

Rick just shrugged his shoulders, eyes empty, his finger still curled around the trigger.

Hands shaking, Alexis unscrewed the jar lid, Carl appearing out of nowhere, and handing her a battered looking silver spoon. As their eyes met, she saw pity for her, a pity that only served to anger her. Ramming the spoon into the sauce, she scooped out a large gooey chunk, before shoving it into her mouth, fighting the urge to spew up. Forcing herself to swallow it, she threw the spoon down onto the table, half turning away from Rick as he stowed away his gun, her hands involuntarily flying to her throat.

"You're insane, you know that?" Rick snapped, snatching up the spoon and wiping it clean on Alexis's shirt.

"I'm not a dish-towel!" she choked, shoving his arm aside.

"Your shirt's cleaner than mine," Rick spat, hastily sinking the spoon into the apple sauce. As he fed Judith, the sauce finally silencing her, Abraham approached Alexis, his ruddy face alight with reluctant amusement. Alexis slumped against the tack-table, face contorted with disgust and confusion, feeling like she was going to throw up any moment now.

"Here," Abraham said, offering his flask to her. "Rinse your mouth out."

Alexis all but snatched it from him, half turning away as she necked back the bitter liquor, swirling it around her mouth. As she went to spit it out in a discreet corner, her gaze crashed into Carol's cold one, Alexis hastily turning her back on her.

"Better now?" Abraham asked as Alexis then came back over.

She nodded, handing the flask to him, shrinking away from his appreciative stare.

"You look at her ass one more time, I'll kick _your _ass to kingdom come," Rick said from behind them, making Abraham's head snap up. "Do you hear me?"

"You threatenin' me, Grimes?" Abraham said, rounding on Rick.

"If you like," Rick said, handing Judith and the jar over to Carl. "Whatever turns you on, big guy."

"Whatever," Abraham scoffed, stalking back to his own corner.

Rick watched him go, his jaw tightening. He glanced at Alexis, before bestowing a barely imperceptible nod upon her. As he then turned away from the startled Alexis, the barn doors suddenly creaked open, the sunlight streaming in, striking Alexis's tangled golden hair like an anvil, framing her with light. Rick stared at her, uncharacteristically caught offguard, her strange radiance reminding him of a halo, making her eyes burn like blue fire.

As Alexis stared back at him, her hands clenching by her sides, Aaron stumbled through the doors, hands raised above his head, Maggie and Glenn at his heels, their guns aimed at the back of his head. "Aaron?" Alexis said stupidly, making Rick do a double-take.

"Hey kid," Aaron said weakly, "long time no see."

"What the hell happened to you?" she demanded, noting his torn clothes and cut hands.

"You don't want to know," Aaron said, looking as if he had been through hell and back.

"Try me," Alexis said, jaw tightening.

"How about the part I spent the night hiding under a boat tarpaulin?" Aaron snapped. "Or when I got stuck up a tree trying to escape like three hundred roamers?"

"It was more like thirty," Michonne said, stepping through the barn doors, followed by Rosita and Sasha.

"Eugene and Tara are still keeping guard," Rosita quickly said to Rick, interpreting his almost panicked glance.

"I'll pitch in," Abraham said, beating a quick exit.

"Where did you find this bozo?" Rick then asked, advancing on Aaron.

"Up a tree, screaming like a girl," Glenn answered, Maggie setting down a gun and machete on the tack-table.

"Did I not mention that part about the tree?" Aaron said, pretending to think. "Yeah, I think I did actually," he said, glaring at Rick. "And I was so not screaming like a girl," he glared at Glenn.

"You get all his weapons then?" Rick said, glancing at the tack-table, ignoring Aaron.

"He gave us them," Maggie said abruptly.

"That figures," Rick said, then glancing at Alexis. "Fuckin' insane, just like I said."

"Did she not go through the drill with you?" Aaron said, glancing at Alexis as well. "About how we have good news, yadi-yadi-yada?"

"What are you, a door to door Bible salesman?" Rick drawled, circling Aaron.

"No, just a friend," Aaron said quietly, glancing round at everyone this time.

"He has a settlement nearby," Sasha said, "and he wants us to audition for membership." She almost spat the word 'audition', making Aaron flinch.

"I wish there was another way to put it," Aaron said hastily, "auditioning makes us sound like we're some kind of a dance troupe."

"That's only on Friday nights," Alexis said before she could stop herself.

Despite everything, Aaron's lips twitched.

"You find this funny huh?" Rick hissed, rounding on Aaron.

"No - of course not" -

"Laugh at this," Rick snarled, before suddenly punching Aaron in the face, silencing him.


	8. As We Live And Die

**As We Live And Die **

The car jolted towards Alexandria, its familiar walls looming in the distance, making a lump form in Alexis's throat despite herself. Whatever happened, it was the only home she knew now. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be cast adrift like Rick and his people, not knowing if they would see out the night, the dawn of another day signalling the battle for survival was about to begin all over again.

Aaron was in the RV behind, allowing Alexis to relax slightly now she was no longer under his angry gaze. From the moment he'd regained consciousness after Rick had punched him, Aaron had been waiting for the right moment to unleash his wrath on Alexis for what she'd done, breaking every rule in the book, approaching a group without watching them for a while, gauging the dynamics of their unit, whether they'd fit into Alexandria or not.

Rick had forced Aaron at gunpoint to relate the ins and outs of Alexandria, what their set-up was like, why they wanted him and his people. He seemed to consider Aaron and Alexis in the light of a comedy turn, even laughing out loud when Aaron said they had their own apple trees, as if it was the funniest joke he'd ever heard. Aaron had tried every approach in the book, being earnest, righteous, forgiving, noble, deadpan, anything and everything to win Rick over, but none of it had worked, Rick only interested in what Aaron had to say, not how he said it.

There had been a tense moment over Alexis's black eye, about how she'd got it, Alexis looking at Carl and Judith, knowing what telling the truth would cost. Rick wouldn't bring his children to a place where people like Pete existed; he just wouldn't take that chance. She could see it in the manic glint in Rick's eye, the tic of his jaw. He would cut his group loose, letting them drift where the tide of life took them, rather than risk it in Alexandria. So she'd lied, almost convincing even herself, Rick accepting her explanation with sullen silence, not knowing he'd heard that excuse, _I walked into a door_, a million times before.

So for all she flattered herself, Rick just didn't believe her, the lies falling from her lips only setting him on edge even more. The photos, the stories, even the goddamn apple trees, it all sounded too good to be true. Yet if he were to judge by Aaron's almost unnerving openness, the fresh frankness of his manner, how it clashed with his own closed off attitude, it only served to highlight the difference between living and surviving. Physically, the pair were clean and well fed, their clothes almost brand new, neither one of them looking like they'd spent the night sleeping on a hard floor.

If it was Rick's decision, he would have taken his chances on the road. But with his children going hungry, Michonne at breaking point, saying they couldn't last out there much longer, Daryl letting the darkness over losing Beth draw him under, Rick was being railroaded into making choices that could cost them dearly. He was being told to trust two strangers, to let them lead him and his family into what could be another Terminus. Yet what other choice did he have?

So he'd gathered his group together, forcing Aaron and Alexis to lead them to where they'd parked the RV and car, before making Alexis drive them to Alexandria, his gun drawn, everybody on high alert, their hands on holsters, on the handles of knives. This could be what they were so desperately searching for, or they could be driving up to the gates of hell. As Alexis slowed the car to a stop, he glanced at her, his jaw tightening, his stare searing into her soul. She met his gaze, even as it felt like a physical blow, making her mind reel, something in her face stilling the storm within him.

"Listen," Alexis said quietly, holding his attention hostage, "just... listen."

Rick half turned away from her, staring ahead instead, his brow furrowing, focusing on the closed gate as if he could see past its bars through sheer will. As the sound of children laughing and playing filled the void, an expression of almost comical surprise spread across his face, his eyes growing childishly wide, as though he couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing.

Without thinking, Alexis reached out her hand, laying it over his, her touch tentative, almost terrified. For a moment, Rick let her hand rest on his, and then he tore his own hand away, making her flinch. Grabbing the steering wheel for support, she hunched over it, avoiding his eyes. As she did, Rick looked down at his battered boots, his jaw working, tears threatening to fall, the sound of civilization drilling into his skull. It almost seemed too easy, impossible to believe that shelter was only a few steps away.

As he wrestled with himself, Judith let out a wail, ripping him back into reality. Without a word, he clambered out of the car, Alexis and the others following him, Michonne assuming guard position, the sight of her Samurai sword making Alexis swallow hard. It embodied what the world had become, kill or be killed, its blade shedding blood of the dead and the living.

Rick and his group then approached the gate with weapons raised, stances ready, Aaron hanging back, Alexis striding forwards, thinking of her sister and nephews, the bitter high of homecoming healing the breach. Yet as she moved, Rick raised his gun, halting her in her tracks, silently telling her with one swift gesture this wasn't over yet. Alexis had just brought unbridled reality back to Alexandria, uncensored and unspoiled, not distorted by Deanna's visions of a Utopian idyll built upon a few sheets of tin metal and prayer. This was life, as they lived and died.

_'Cause you were so much better_  
_Than the rest of them_  
_Out of all the others_  
_You were the honest man…_


	9. Where Angels Fear To Tread

**Where Angels Fear To Tread **

As Carter and Nicholas started to roll open the gate, the sudden clatter of a metal garbage bin falling over made Rick and the others whirl around, weapons instantly raised, Daryl letting a bolt fly, killing the source of the sound, a starved looking possum."We brought dinner," Daryl drawled, holding the possum aloft by the tail, making Nicholas blanch.

"And who the hell are you?" Carter demanded, glancing at Aaron and Alexis for explanation.

"Yer dream man," Daryl flung back, making Glenn grin despite himself.

"What's going on here?" Deanna demanded, striding over, Reg and her sons trailing at her heels, a sight Alexis was sick of seeing. Wherever Deanna led, they would follow, obeying her every whim. She had them trained like show-dogs, her husband and sons jumping through every hoop she held up for them. But as she drew level with the gate, Deanna stopped dead in her tracks, the sight of so many strangers rendering her speechless.

"You run this place?" Rick said abruptly, stepping forwards, sizing Deanna up with one swift glance, not missing her self-confident stride, the almost arrogant way she held herself, his gaze meeting hers head on.

"Yes, I do," Deanna said, regaining her composure, "and you are?"

"Rick Grimes," Rick said coolly, tightening his grip on Judith, shifting her higher on his hip.

"I'm Deanna Munroe," Deanna replied, holding out her hand, but Rick didn't take it, making Deanna raise an overly plucked eyebrow.

"You want us to audition for your community, then?" Rick said carelessly, glancing past the gate, catching a glimpse of porches and people, a dog running past, before disappearing out of sight.

"No beating about the bush," Deanna said, her eyes beginning to glint, recognizing she had a challenge in Rick, "I like that."

"I don't brook no bullshit."

"Neither do I."

For a long moment, silence reigned, Rick and Deanna studying one another, opponent versus adversary, Deanna's gaze then focusing on Judith for a moment, before sweeping over the rest of Rick's group, finally coming to a rest on Alexis, instinctively sensing she was responsible for this, bringing the damned to Deanna's doorstep. Rick was trouble, Deanna was in no doubt over that, she could see it in his stance, the way he watched the world from behind hooded eyes, carrying war in his wake. But he was the kind of trouble she needed, and so she stepped aside, sweeping her arm wide, gesturing them to come in. "Welcome to Alexandria," she said simply.

* * *

"Mom is going to _create_," Aiden sing-songed, admiring his hair in the mirror hanging over the mantelpiece, twisting his head from side to side to appraise it from every angle.

"Shut up," Spencer snapped, glancing at Alexis who was sitting stiffly on Deanna's favourite couch, her hands folded primly in her lap, face a blank mask. Deanna had dismissed Aaron, instructing him to go and check in with Eric, Aaron gone before she'd even finished her sentence. It was Alexis who was going to face the firing squad, nobody else. Deanna had ordered Alexis to wait in her study, whilst she showed Rick and the others into the living room, Reg sorting out refreshments for the newcomers, the mere mention of coffee making their eyes light up like it was the elixir of life itself.

"Well she is," Aiden said, unperturbed. "You screwed up, Alex," he fired at Alexis, making her glance down at her hands, her cheeks beginning to burn. Aiden studied her for a moment, thinking not for the first time she was the hottest thing he'd ever seen within Alexandria's walls, before turning and stalking out of the study, whistling under his breath, deliberately slamming the door behind him, making Alexis flinch.

"Ignore him, he's just being a little shit," Spencer said tiredly, "as per usual." But Alexis just ignored him, staring at her hands as if they were the most engrossing things she'd ever encountered. Spencer exhaled sharply, turning away from her, battling his own desires. Aiden wasn't the only one who admired Alexis from afar; most men within Alexandria's walls were guilty of glancing her way, Spencer perhaps the guiltiest of them all.

Back at the beginning, before Earle had appeared on the scene, Spencer and Alexis had been friends, good friends, Deanna once secretly hoping they would be more, but then Earle arrived, changing everything, Alexis the most. After Earle's trial, Spencer, along with his father and brother, as well as Tobin, Heath, Holly, Carter and Francine, had personally escorted Earle and the others out into the unknown, exiling them from Alexandria forever, Spencer returning to Alexis with the intention of regaining lost ground, only to find himself exiled from her in turn.

"Lexie" - Spencer began brokenly, his old nickname for her making Alexis's head snap up, her eyes growing wide with unwilling emotion. They stared at one another, remembering a hopeful beginning, the start of sustainability, and then Deanna was suddenly there, dividing them like the past, startling Spencer back into sense, his face reddening under his mother's angry gaze.

"Would you leave us, please?" Deanna said, struggling to keep calm.

"Mom" -

\- "Go!" Deanna snapped, eyes flashing like fire. Spencer left the study, shoulders hunching, Deanna watching him go, her lips forming a thin slash in her face. As the door closed behind him, she rounded on Alexis, finally unleashing her wrath. "What the hell did you think you were doing picking Rick and his people up like that!?" she exploded, advancing on Alexis. "You could have got yourself killed!"

"That would suit you down to the ground, wouldn't it?" Alexis said quietly, tilting her chin.

Deanna half turned away from Alexis, closing her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. "You know that's not true," she said abruptly, facing Alexis again, "I care about you, Alexis - that's why I'm so _goddamn_ angry. I don't want you putting yourself in that kind of danger. There are rules for a reason, to keep us safe - to keep _you_ safe" -

"You call this keeping me safe!?" Alexis said incredulously, gesturing to her eye. "Don't make me laugh, Deanna"-

\- "I'm dealing with Pete," Deanna lied, "and I think I'm making progress in that quarter" -

\- "Progress with Pete!?" Alexis snorted, angry tears springing to her eyes. "You might have won the re-election, but I think reforming Pete is a bit beyond even your skills."

"Alexandria needs Pete's skills," Deanna said slowly, returning to her favourite argument.

"He's meant to heal, not hurt," Alexis flared up, "and he's hurting Jessie and the boys; he's hurting me - where is it going to stop? He's going to end up killing somebody - I - I had to fit a bolt on the inside of Sam's closet" -

\- "You've endangered everybody within these walls with what you've done!" Deanna hissed, rounding on Alexis again. "And that includes Jessie and the boys - if you want to talk about keeping people safe, start with yourself. You completely disregarded everything I said, waltzing off and bringing a bunch of despots back to our gates without so much as a by-your-leave" -

\- "They were walking dead!" Alexis snapped, shaking from head to foot now. "I had to do it!"

"No, you didn't, Alexis," Deanna spat, "this is meant to be the start of sustainability, not the end of everything we've worked to build here" -

\- "I didn't have time to trail them," Alexis argued, getting to her feet, "or observe them - I had to take that chance" -

\- "You can't play with people's lives like that!"

"What, like you can?"

Deanna stared at Alexis, all the blood draining from her face.

"There were lives on the line," Alexis said, her voice cracking, "innocent lives - that baby, the boy - your rules and regulations don't apply out there, Deanna." And with that, she turned and left the room, Deanna sitting down on the sofa, burying her head in her hands.

_But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good__  
__Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood…_

* * *

"Jess?"

Jessie whirled around, only to see Alexis framed in the pantry doorway, the sight of her sister standing there stunning her. She hadn't known Alexis and Aaron had returned, she and Olivia having been closeted in the supply room all morning, doing their usual monthly inventory, bemoaning the growing mountain of what they called unmentionables, the tins and packets of celery soup and old noodles making them roll their eyes theatrically. "Alex?" she said stupidly, setting down the cereal box she'd been checking the expiry date of, Olivia trying and failing to make a discreet exit, her eyes wide as saucers, sensing a storm in the air.

"Guilty as charged," Alexis said flippantly, hiding her sinking heart. Jessie was sporting a bust lip, the injury fresh, probably perpetrated in Alexis's brief absence. _And Deanna called that progress_, the memory making Alexis clench her fists.

"You're back, then?" Jessie said brightly, too brightly.

"Obviously," Alexis snapped, not caring Olivia was eavesdropping shamelessly.

Jessie just nodded, picking up the cereal box, before setting it down again.

"Are the boys okay?" Alexis asked abruptly.

"Yeah, they're - they're doing good," Jessie lied, knowing Alexis knew she was lying. Ron had been late for dinner last night, Pete exploding, hurting Ron's arm to the extent he couldn't move it now, forcing him to skip school and stay at home instead, locking himself in his room. "School's just finishing," Jessie said, glancing at her watch, all part of her pantomime, "so we could all have lunch together to catch up, yeah?"

"Maybe," Alexis said quietly, her heart twisting in her chest. She didn't want this, to be separated from her sister, divided from the boys, but it was too late now, the damage was already done. Jessie was failing her family, Alexis failing her in turn, unable to protect them from Pete. She'd conjured up fantasies of killing her brother-in-law too many times, years of hatred driving her to the imaginary deed, the prospect of ending it all devouring Alexis from the inside out. But she was no killer, and so they suffered, time and time again.

Jessie just nodded again, half turning away from Alexis, before turning back to her. "Do you need anything?" she asked, gesturing to the food piled up around her. "Some fossilized noodles maybe?"

"I brought some people back," Alexis said coolly, deliberately ignoring their old joke about the ramen noodles being there since time began, "so I was going to pack them a hamper or something."

"Do you have Deanna's permission for that?" Olivia said from the doorway, the news of new people making her blow her cover, not that she was deceiving anybody in the first place.

"I don't need it," Alexis snapped, picking up a cardboard box.

"You do," Olivia pointed out, her appetite for gossip overcoming her usual apprehension towards Alexis.

"What will it cost?" Alexis said, rounding on her.

"All you've got," Olivia said, folding her arms across her chest.

Alexis just looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"Come on, Alex, you shouldn't even be in here," Olivia said, rolling her eyes, "the supply room is for staff only, unless you've been signed in by yours truly - so you can't haggle, especially if you want me to double-cross Deanna."

"Holly finally kicked Spencer to the kerb," Alexis said, sighing heavily, "so he's ripe for the picking."

"Is she insane!?" Olivia gaped, her spectacles sliding down her nose in shock.

"She didn't want to be his secret bit on the side," Alexis said tiredly, "so she got rid."

"Okay, I'm starting that diet tomorrow," Olivia said, smoothing back her hair.

"Why should you?" Alexis flared up, slamming the cardboard box down. "He should like you for who you are."

"True," Jessie interjected, stacking up some Tupperware.

"Next, the newbies," Olivia said, ignoring their advice, "any hot guys amongst them?"

"Wait and see for yourself," Alexis said, picking up two cans of soup, studying their labels.

"I don't want to wait," Olivia said impatiently, "Deanna will have them closeted away until God knows when. I want to know now so I'm ready in advance for Mr. Right."

Alexis put the tins in the box, hesitating, playing for time. "I would be careful, Olivia," she said slowly, making Jessie glance sharply up at her, "they're... they're different."

"All they need is the love of a good woman," Olivia said, striking a melodramatic pose, "and my body is willing. Now spill!"

Alexis's hand hovered over some tinned fruit, not sure whether to pick the pineapple pieces or pear halves. "There's… there's their leader, Rick," Alexis said abruptly, banishing the memory of his bright blue eyes from her memory, "but he comes with baggage, two kids, a baby and a teenage boy," she continued, ignoring Jessie and Olivia's comedy double-takes, since infants were now as rare as unicorns. "Then there's a redneck, totes a crossbow, Daryl or something; a young Asian guy, some preacher man, a big burly redhead with muscles bigger than my head, probably ex-military, and a guy with a mullet, kind of talks like a robot. Plus there's a Noah, very gangly, quiet. But they might be taken already, or they might swing the other way, I don't know. I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"What's the competition, and I don't mean the rest of Alexandria," Olivia pressed.

"Some chick with a sword, some psycho housewife and a lot of pretty girls," Alexis said, abandoning the pineapple and pears for the peaches instead, "so again, I wouldn't hold my breath."

"So says you," Olivia said, tossing her head back, "I'm not so easily intimidated."

"Well, like I said, be careful," Alexis said impatiently, searching for the baby food Aiden had brought back a week or so before, almost like providence was providing for Rick and his people before they even arrived. "They only know their own rules, not ours."

"What, they're dangerous?" Jessie said, placing some SpaghettiOs into the cardboard box.

"They're not like us," Alexis snapped, snatching up the cardboard box, "so just tread carefully, okay?"


	10. Samson & Delilah

**Samson &amp; Delilah**

Alexis carefully carried the cardboard box down the sidewalk, fighting the urge to turn and run, knowing she had to face her fears. She had brought these people here, Rick the whirlwind she'd reaped, and there was no turning back now. She'd already stalled for time by taking a detour to Eric's house to check on him and clean herself up, her apprehension over Aaron being there allayed by the knowledge he'd gone on another wild goosechase after Buttons, who had been seen running past the walls again that morning during their absence.

Sam had first spotted the black horse galloping past the gate a month or so back, instantly christening it Buttons on the spot, Aaron taking it upon himself to bring the horse within Alexandria's walls. But he was no horse wrangler, and so far his attempts at horse whispering had failed miserably. Alexis had been a keen horse-rider during her teenage years, so fancying herself quite the expert, she'd stepped into the fray, only to be thoroughly humiliated, almost earning a kick in the head for her pains. The fall of civilization had turned the horse wild, and now it was out of control, lashing out at anyone who came near it, before taking off into the wilderness again.

Nursing a cup of coffee, Eric had sat on the sofa with Alexis, his ankle propped up on a footstool, intrigued and upset all at once over what Alexis had done, cautiously curious about those she had saved, whilst giving her a thorough dressing down for putting her life on the line to do so. But even though Aaron was angry at Alexis for what she'd done, despite everything, Eric approved of her actions. They couldn't play God with other people's lives; sometimes they had to make that leap of faith, gambling on a slim chance.

Afterwards, she'd taken a quick shower, washing the blood and dirt away, ridding herself of reality. For a moment, she'd stared at her reflection, remembering the girl she'd been, not recognizing the woman she'd become, before turning away from the mirror, denying the darkness within. Ditching her denim shorts and cow-print vest, she'd donned an ankle-length khaki skirt, teaming it with a long sleeved red top and her favourite battered blue tennis shoes, before piling her damp hair atop her head, the style accentuating her slanting eyes, making her look decidedly feline.

Since Aaron was out of the house, she'd lounged about Eric's luxurious kitchen for a while, stuffing herself silly with her favourite cinnamon monkey roll bread whilst Eric propped his ankle up on the kitchen counter, telling Alexis about the residences Aaron had picked out for Rick and his group, wondering which one they would choose, talking at length about which one he would go for based on the fireplaces alone, extolling the virtues of adjustable light intensity and flamespeed rolled louvers, madly in love with the idea of a mature-fire log presentation and coal-style grate.

After that, with her stomach straining against the waistband of her skirt, Alexis had forced herself to leave the shelter of Eric's domestic prattle and home cooking, picking up the cardboard box with a heavy heart and setting forth along Alexandria's sidewalks, taking a shortcut through the Miller family's back garden to avoid going past her old home, if it had ever even been that.

As she walked, Enid came round the corner, her face its usual blank mask, eyes deliberately empty of expression. She passed Alexis without acknowledging her, pretending to be absorbed in straightening the strap of her rucksack, Alexis ignoring her in turn. She'd been the one to let the teenager in, only to regret it, something about Enid's sullen silences setting her on edge. Ron was now enamoured of Enid, but it was obvious his emotion wasn't reciprocated, Alexis not knowing how to warn him to guard his heart.

It was hard to reconcile the Enid of now with the girl at the gate, the memory of Enid's bloodstained lips and haunted look reminding Alexis of Rick and his group. They were both from out _there_, that uncharted territory Deanna sought to subjugate with her walls and words. It was Alexis who had infected Alexandria with the outside, allowing it entrance, not knowing if she was sowing the seeds of its salvation or downfall.

Alexis slowed to a stop at the sight of Daryl sitting on the front porch steps, waxing the string of his crossbow, face contorted in concentration. Sensing her stare, he glanced up at her, shaking his shaggy hair back, brow creasing, eyes narrowing into slits. Alexis stood her ground, jaw tightening, eyes narrowing in turn, refusing to be intimidated. They were on her turf now, and she held the upper hand, not them.

"What you gawpin' at, Goldilocks?" Daryl asked abruptly, the sight of her standing there, so innocent and untouched by the outside world, making the madness rise in him. He'd sized Alexandria up with one swift glance, seeing it as a sitting duck just waiting to be blown out of the water. Those within its walls were fools, and now they were expecting him to become one as well, but hell would freeze over and become an ice-rink for the undead before that happened.

"I was just bringing over a hamper," Alexis said uneasily, "nothing fancy, just a few bits and pieces."

Daryl eyed her cardboard box suspiciously, wondering if it was some trick or trap. Any hampers he'd seen in the past had been fancy-assed affairs, all wicker baskets and red ribbons, packed with caviar and champagne, not some sad battered box with a few tins rattling around inside. "Take it roun' the back," he said, losing interest, "mebbe Carol can do somethin' with it."

Alexis hesitated, before remembering Carol was the one she'd dubbed the psycho housewife, Carol's pleasant smile sitting at odds with her hard eyes. Seeing Daryl had all but dismissed her, she went round the back, thinking she would rather face anything than anymore of Rick's people. Taking a deep breath, she went up the steps, rapping the door with a hand that shook. For several long moments, there was nothing but silence, Alexis entertaining the thought of fleeing, abandoning the box to its own fate, but then the door creaked open, a pair of bright blue eyes meeting her own through the gap, making her do a double-take.

"_Rick?_" Alexis said stupidly, taking a step back at the sight of his clean-shaven face, making him look like a completely different man.

"What do you want?" he said defensively, his shoulders hunching slightly, feeling open and exposed under her shocked stare.

"I - I brought you a hamper," Alexis stuttered, feeling like she had fallen into a parallel universe.

Rick hesitated before opening the door, stepping aside to let her in. But Alexis just stood there, struggling to reconcile this shirtless stranger with the Rick who had held a gun to her head, the memories making her think twice about going anywhere near him again. Yet she'd deliberately sought him out, when she could have kept her distance, so pulling herself together, she went inside, Rick all but slamming the door behind her.

"It's not much," she said in a nervous rush, setting the cardboard box down on the table, "Olivia is the one who'll sort out your supplies - but there's baby food here and some tinned fruit" -

\- "I said, _what do you want?_" Rick repeated, advancing on her, his face resuming its usual ruthless lines.

Alexis stared at him, her throat turning dry, her hand instinctively reaching for a machete no longer there. She'd been forced to hand over all her weapons upon returning to Alexandria, knowing Rick and his group had been made do to the same, the knowledge affording her scant comfort, not when there were kitchen knives lying around within easy reach of Rick's hand.

"Don't look at me like that!" Rick snapped, making her flinch.

"What, like you're a monster?" Alexis snapped back, trying and failing to fight her fear.

"This ain't a game, Goldilocks," Rick said, jabbing his finger at her, "so drop the goddamn act."

Alexis shook her head in disbelief. "I'm just trying to help you," she said, angry tears springing to her eyes, "nothing else. There's no ulterior motive to my actions" -

\- "Stop the fancy-assed college bitch talk," Rick said bitterly, "you ain't fooling anybody, least of all me. You offered us sanctuary and in return we offered you death. I battered your boyfriend back there, and threatened to put a bullet between your eyes. Why would you still want to help us after all that?"

"First of all, Aaron has a boyfriend," Alexis hissed, "and nobody knows what you did to us out there, least of all Deanna. I understand why you acted like that, Aaron too, but Deanna wouldn't. She wants to believe in the best of people, even when she's contradicted time and time again by the opposite" -

\- "Did they name this place after you or somethin'?" Rick interrupted, startling Alexis again.

"No, they didn't," Alexis spat, recovering herself.

Rick just nodded, not looking the slightest bit interested.

"What do you mean you offered us death?" Alexis said suddenly, looking at him like he was mad. "Why can't you just say you threatened us and leave it that? This isn't a George R.R. Martin novel we're in."

Rick just shrugged his shoulders, infuriating her further.

"You have shaving cream on your chin by the way," Alexis pointed out acerbically, unable to hold back any longer, "plus you need a haircut as well - it's an absolute mess."

"I used to be quite the beauty queen," Rick said coldly, wiping his face clean with the back of his hand. "But standards tend to slip when you're walking the road, slowly starvin' to death."

Alexis bit her lip, knowing she deserved that. "Look, do you want me to cut your hair for you?" she said in a rush, startling Rick this time.

"You wanna give me a makeover now?" he said incredulously, amused against his will. "What's next, a holiday to the Bahamas?"

"Do you want a haircut or not?" Alexis flared up, knowing she would feel a lot better if she had a pair of scissors in her hand, evening the odds.

"What, is it mandatory?"

"Completely compulsory."

Rick tilted his head back, appraising Alexis, studying the swanlike curve of her neck, the black eye that marred the strangely striking symmetry of her features. But her beauty meant nothing to him, being false currency, just another trap to trick him into. He only saw the storm within, the fire that threatened to burn him and his out of existence. This girl had got past all their defences, bringing them to their knees by bringing them back to this so called Safe-Zone. Nowhere was safe, least of all here.

"I worked in my sister's hair salon for three years straight," Alexis said, rolling her eyes, "so there'll be no bowls involved, I promise."

Rick snorted, shaking his head to himself, but he sat down on a kitchen stool all the same, wondering at himself for humouring her. As she bustled around the kitchen, he watched her every movement, unconsciously caught by the ungraceful sweep of her hands as she searched through the drawers for the scissors; the way the light glinted off her gold hair.

"You better not try anythin' with those scissors," Rick warned as she came over, now armed with an alarmingly large pair of silver scissors, a towel flung over her arm.

"Or what?" Alexis challenged, throwing the towel across his bare shoulders.

"Or you'll regret it."

"Maybe you will," Alexis said coldly, before beginning, an unknowing Delilah to his Samson.

_Tired of fighting you  
Seems like everything I do  
Even when I win, I lose with you  
And it's not something you choose  
You say trouble follows you  
It's been like that since the day you began…_


	11. Awaken Then

**Awaken Then**

_Who knows what's right?__  
__The lines keep getting thinner__  
__My age has never made me wise__  
__But I keep pushing on and on and on and on…_

"Why did Diana film us?" Rick asked abruptly, startling Alexis. She was perched on the draining board, nursing a mug of bitter coffee, Rick still sitting on his stool, resting his elbows on the kitchen counter, his own coffee lying forgotten. As Alexis had looked out of the window, staring at the far church spire, Rick had studied her oddly perfect profile, his gaze lingering on her black eye the longest, unable to let it go. Somebody had lifted a hand to her, and he wanted to know, using it as a tool to etch out potential enemies in Alexandria.

"It's _Deanna_," Alexis corrected him irritably, setting down her mug.

"Never mind that," Rick retorted, making her flinch, "why did she film us?"

"Because that's what she does," Alexis snapped, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear, "I think she likes to watch it back or something, picking over our quirks and foibles - she fancies herself as quite the expert on human nature."

"I bet she doesn't have you pinned down," Rick said quietly, making Alexis glance at him in surprise, not sure if he paying her a compliment or not.

"How... how long have you been out there?" Alexis then asked curiously, impulsively deciding to take advantage of this unexpected equanimity to satisfy some questions of her own.

Rick exhaled sharply, making Alexis tense up. "Since the beginning," he said reluctantly, fiddling with the cuff of his clean shirt, avoiding Alexis's eyes.

"How did you all find each other?" Alexis pressed, feeling like she was prodding a tiger with a stick, but unable to stop. "Did you know each other before" -

\- "We didn't know each other before," Rick snapped, only to regret it. "Sorry," he apologized unwillingly, startling Alexis again, "I... I just don't like bein' cross-examined, okay?"

"I know," Alexis said slowly, "but you've been out _there_ \- we've pretty much been behind these walls since the beginning. So the storm more or less passed us by, but not you. Can you see why I'm so curious?"

"Curiosity killed the cat."

"Not this one."

Rick studied Alexis for a long moment, his stare almost searing her soul. "You should keep your gates closed, Alexis," he said quietly, tracing a pattern on the kitchen counter with a rough finger, "it's all about survival now, at any cost. People out _there_ are always lookin' for an angle, looking to play on your weakness. They measure you by what they can take from you - by how they can use you to live. So bringing people into a place like this," he gestured around the kitchen, almost mocking his civilized surroundings, "is sheer insanity. What you did was pure stupidity" -

\- "Your children were starving," Alexis flared up, eyes flashing like blue fire, "the rest of your people fading - even you, Rick. I had to do something - I - I - I couldn't let you die." She looked away, chest heaving, her lips trembling.

"I've killed people," Rick said, leaning forwards, making her head snap up, "I don't even know how many, but I know I could have killed you - I still could, right here, right now, in this kitchen."

"But you didn't, and you won't," Alexis said, sliding off the draining board, making Rick get to his feet, feeling he was under threat. "I'm not going to hurt you," she said, coming over to him, her hands half raised in front of her. "Not any of you." Again, Rick studied her, his gaze travelling over her earnest face, feeling something long dead start to stir awake inside him. "Why did you have to kill?" she asked gently, straightening his shirt collar, the gesture almost costing her what remained of her courage.

Rick tensed up under her touch, but he stood his ground, gritting his teeth. "I killed so my family - all those people out there - can be alive," he said, his voice cracking, "so I could be alive for them."

Alexis nodded, understanding against her will, that rage she felt towards Pete rising in her again. "I have a family too," she said, half turning away from him, "my older sister and her two boys. They're all I have left."

"What about a husband?" Rick asked carelessly, glancing at her ringless hand.

She snorted, the unladylike sound sitting at odds with her aloof exterior. "You kidding?" she scoffed. "I'd like to see a man try."

"Your sister think along the same lines?" Rick said, leaning against the counter.

"What, you want me to set you up on a date with her or something?" Alexis said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Sorry to disappoint you, but she's taken."

"Nah, I figured since we were playing Twenty Questions, I might as well ask some of my own," Rick said, rumpling up his hair, the gesture deliberately casual.

"I'm the spinster of the parish," Alexis said bitterly, "so draw your own conclusions." She then made her way over to the window, unaware Rick was doing just that, finally finding the threat within Alexandria's walls.


	12. The Space Between Us

**The Space Between Us**

"Aaron offered us both houses for our use," Rick explained as they went down the hall, "just in case we wanted to split up our space, what with the couples canoodlin', christening the rooms and whatnot."

"Canoodle," Alexis smiled, turning into the dining room, "I haven't heard that word for a long time."

"I've never had much occasion to use it," Rick said, running his hand over the sideboard.

"Really?" Alexis said, glancing over her shoulder at him. "And I had you down as a veritable ladies' man."

"Well, you're wrong," Rick said tiredly, picking up a vase, turning it over in his hands. Dating had been a disaster for him during high school, Shane mocking him mercilessly, but then he'd met Lori, and as they fell in love, everything had fallen into place, Rick finally finding where he belonged.

"I imagine you and your wife will appreciate the privacy though," Alexis said almost absentmindedly, opening a drawer, only to close it again.

"My wife's dead," Rick snapped, making all the blood drain from Alexis's face.

"I-I'm sorry," she stuttered, running through her mind all the faces of the women in Rick's group, forcing her to revise her original opinions.

"Don't be," Rick said abruptly, turning away from her.

Alexis bit back the natural onslaught of next questions on her tongue, choosing instead to examine a Willow Tree 'Together' wooden ornament**.**

"Electricity, showers, _haircuts_," Rick said suddenly, startling her, "I never thought I would see those again."

"Just be grateful I didn't use that bowl on you," Alexis retorted.

"Is that a threat?"

"It depends on what light you look at it," Alexis countered smartly, taking his arm and leading him into the living room, only to stop short at the sight of his group sitting there, everybody's heads snapping up as they entered. "Oh," she said stupidly, dropping her hand to her side.

"Oh indeed," Rick said dryly, nodding at everyone, holding his arms out for Judith as Carl brought her over. "Hey there, sweetheart," he said quietly, dropping a kiss on her brow, "do you like the big house?"

Judith just gabbled something incomprehensible, hitting his chin with her tiny fist for good measure.

"With a punch like that, I think she's gonna be a heavyweight," Rick grinned at Carl, "Mike Tyson better watch out."

"Do you want to look over next door?" Alexis said, turning to Rick, anxious to get away from everybody's accusing stares, feeling the full weight of the silent us/them ratio within the room.

"What, think I'll end up in Narnia if you're not there?" Rick said cuttingly, smoothing back Judith's hair. "Worried I might just open the wrong wardrobe door, huh?" Alexis just stared at him, her face flushing angrily, and then she was gone, turning on her heel, slamming the door behind her. Rick stared at the space she'd vacated, before shaking his head and following her, realising he'd made one rude remark too many. "Alexis," he called, something in his voice making her stop halfway down the porch steps, turning around to face him. "I'm - I'm sorry," he offered helplessly, his blue eyes almost but not quite begging.

Alexis exhaled sharply, hesitating before meeting him halfway. "It's okay if you're not okay with this yet," she said, gesturing around at Alexandria, her voice cracking, "but I'm not going to be your whipping boy, alright?"

Rick hesitated, before nodding, temporarily tamed.

"Good," Alexis said abruptly, "now with that out of the way, let's go and look over next door."

_Changes  
All of these changes  
But I'm here to tell you  
Don't be afraid…_

* * *

"These are like mansions," Carl said, turning on the spot, sounding awed.

"I know," Alexis said tiredly, readjusting Judith on her hip, "it had to take the end of the world for me to move up in it."

"Where did you live before?" Carl asked curiously as Rick went through the drawers, marking out what could be used as weapons.

"Flatshare," Alexis said, pretending to steal Judith's nose, making the baby squirm and giggle, "which is just another name for hell."

"So is marriage," Carol said dryly, making Rick glance over his shoulder at her, his brow furrowing.

"I know," Alexis agreed before she could stop herself.

"Really?" Carol said, frowning.

"Yeah, really," Alexis said, half turning away from her.

"I see you're not a veteran," Carol said casually, studying Alexis's left hand, "so why the bitter pill?"

"You see, but so do I," Alexis countered, "so I suspect there's a certain sympathy to be found in mutual observation. It's what I call finding a middle ground."

"And what a middle ground," Carol beamed, gesturing around her, slipping back into Mom Mode, "it's like something out of _The Bold and The Beautiful!_"

Rick didn't say anything, only coming over to take Judith from Alexis's arms, his gaze meeting Alexis's for a long moment, holding it, something flickering between them, before Rick looked away, breaking the spell. Slightly flustered, Alexis turned away from him, pretending to become absorbed in a bread-bin, her brow furrowing, not quite sure what had just happened, only knowing something had.

* * *

Night had fallen, and Alexis still hadn't left Rick's house, not wanting to face Aaron or anyone else at that moment. She hadn't seen hide or hair of her nephews but she silently promised herself she would drop by the makeshift school at lunch-time to check in with them, therefore avoiding Pete. She sat down on the windowsill, discreetly watching Rick gently lay Judith down in the travel cot, half wondering all over again at this other side of him, so quiet and tender, rendering Rick almost unrecognizable.

The door went, making everybody's heads snap up, Alexis not missing the way their hands automatically reached for a weapon. Earlier on, when it'd become obvious she wasn't going anywhere, the atmosphere had immediately become tense. But time had ticked past, the tension slowly subsiding, Rick's group more or less ignoring Alexis, Maggie offering her a tentative smile now and again. But nobody else made any overtures of friendliness, but Alexis preferred to be ignored, using it as an opportunity to further familiarize herself with Rick's family from a distance.

Rick went over to answer the door, glancing at Alexis as he went past, Alexis glancing at the ground, not daring to meet his eyes. She still remembered that odd moment in the kitchen, that flicker of forever, the memory making her hackles rise, unable to explain it.

"Wow," Deanna exclaimed from the porch, staring at Rick's face in shock, the sound of her voice making Alexis stiffen, "I didn't know what was under there." Rick exhaled sharply, glancing away, catching Alexis's eye against her will, Deanna following the path of his stare, the sight of Alexis sitting with Rick's group making her tense up in turn. "I just stopped by to see how you're all settling in," she explained with apparent friendliness, "but I see Alexis has pre-empted me."

"She's been very helpful," Rick said casually, not missing a beat, sensing the underlying tension between the two women.

"My youngest son was going to bring round the baby food he found out on a supply run before your arrival," Deanna said, tucking a lock of mahogany hair behind her ears, "but a little bird told him Alexis had beat him to it." She smiled as she spoke, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "She's quite the go-getter," Deanna continued, making Alexis tense up, "our go-to girl to get stuff done."

"She got my hair," Rick replied ruefully, running his hand over his head, making a laugh ripple around the room.

"Well, please don't pinch my personal hairdresser," Deanna pretended to tease, "she's got magic fingers - I swear she makes me look ten years younger."

"We've all got jobs around here," Alexis explained without needing to, "I... multi-task, hair-dressing being one of my many talents along with catching knives with my teeth and eating fire."

"What about the dance troupe?" Rick said, making Deanna frown, not understanding the joke.

"My high kicks are _legendary_," Alexis said straight-faced, making Rick repress a reluctant grin.

"And I have some jobs in mind for the rest of you," Deanna interjected loudly, glancing around at the others, "once I figure Mr. Dixon out," she finished with a frown, her gaze falling on Daryl for a long moment, her mask of good humour slipping for a second. "But we'll discuss it tomorrow," she said, her smile back in place, "I'll let you enjoy the rest of your night in peace." She glanced at Alexis, all but ordering her to take her leave too, but Rick stepped in front of Alexis, closing the door on Deanna's face, his brisk nod all but dismissing her, unknowingly signalling the beginning of Deanna's downfall.


	13. Put Your Guns Away

**Put Your Guns Away**

Rick stood on the porch, his hands balled by his sides, dark circles etched under his eyes, having been unable to let his defences down and sleep. He'd gotten up in the middle of the night, pacing the rooms, lingering in the master bedroom the most, the sight of the double bed making him remember the early days of his marriage, all the plans he and Lori had made for their future, never imagining the end of the world. This house was for a family, not the makeshift family he'd formed with the others, but of blood and bone, children and grandchildren, settling down and setting down roots.

As he stood there, Alexis walked past the porch, two boys trailing behind her, one about Carl's age, sporting acne and floppy hair, all skater chic and slouching shoulders; the other younger, small and weedy, with wide eyes and a brown bowl-cut, Rick taking them to be the nephews Alexis had spoken of. They looked morose, Alexis even more so, but she scavenged up a smile for Rick, raising her hand in greeting to him, Rick lifting his own hand, the gesture feeling almost alien. As they went down the sidewalk, Rick watched them go, leaning his elbows on the porch railing, his face darkly thoughtful.

"Ready to rumble, Dad?" Carl said, coming out onto the porch, carrying Judith in his arms. He'd tried putting her in the pram provided for them by Aaron, but she'd thrown a temper tantrum, never having seen a pram before, the contraption frightening her.

"You go up ahead, I'll catch up," Rick said as the others streamed down the steps, ready to explore the rest of Alexandria, Carl shrugging his shoulders before following them.

"You sleepwalkin' last night?" Daryl asked Rick as he sat down in a far corner of the porch, making Rick glance over at him.

"All night," Rick said bluntly, straightening up.

Daryl just nodded, hugging his knees to his chest, face tripping him.

"You stayin' put?" Rick asked, reading Daryl's defensive body language.

"I don't wanna get all hot an' heavy just yet," Daryl said sarcastically, "Fantasy Island will j'st have to wait for my warm embrace." Rick reluctantly grinned at this, having always admired Daryl's unique turn of phrase, but his humour faded at Daryl's next words, not liking the unmistakeable meaning behind them. "Blondie went that way," Daryl said, jerking his head northwards, "seen her head past the kitchen window - if you stop gettin' your frilly panties in a twist, you might just catch up with her."

"You're gettin' more and more like Merle every day, man," Rick said, shaking his head at Daryl.

"So is you," Daryl retorted, "losin' your head over a piece of tail."

Rick snorted. "That is the last thang on my mind," he said scornfully, his antebellum accent suddenly becoming extremely pronounced, "especially with Alexis. She's a pistol, and ma tastes don't run in that direction."

Daryl was on the edge of reminding Rick that Lori hadn't exactly been a wilting wallflower either, but he held his tongue, knowing when too far was too far.

"Stay here, then," Rick said sarcastically, jogging down the porch steps, "and keep the home fires burning."

* * *

Rick made his way down the sidewalk, moving as though in slow motion, trying to adjust his mind-set to the mundane instead of the murderous. A woman went past, walking a dog, the sight making him stumble to a stop, remembering the dogs Sasha had shot, the bitter taste of their flesh still on his tongue. In his warped world, the woman's dog was a hamburger on a leash, food on the go, but in here, it was a pet, pampered and protected whilst the living starved to death outside Alexandria's walls.

It was starting to feel like being trapped in a time capsule, the seconds stagnating, the hours hanging. The world had left Alexandria behind, Alexandria entombing itself, barricading the truth out. This was Deanna's dream, founded on fantasy, running away from reality. In its own way, Alexandria was as dangerous as Terminus, a trap just waiting to be sprung. This was what he'd brought his family into, death dressed up as Disneyland. In that moment, he was suddenly aware of being alone, of his children away from him, out of his sight, making him panic.

He ran like a madman down the street, cutting through a yard, rounding a corner, only to crash into something large and metal, almost knocking it over, scattering wings to the wind, the clatter of them hitting the concrete startling him back into his senses. He stood there, shocked, his head reeling, only to whirl around as somebody grabbed his arm, his hand automatically reaching for his holster, only to find empty air, making the panic rise in him again.

"Rick, it's me," Alexis said, grabbing his wrist this time, "it's okay, calm down."

"Carl, Judith" -

\- "Rick, look at me," Alexis said, taking his hands in hers, "just look at me." Rick stared at her, his eyes wild, Alexis holding his gaze as she held his hands, steering him to stiller waters.

"I - I'm sorry," he gabbled, trying to turn away from her, Alexis forcing him to face her, "I - I" -

\- "It's okay," Alexis reiterated, "it's okay."

Rick nodded, exhaling sharply, Alexis finally letting him go. "I'm sorry about knockin' that down," he said, gesturing wildly to the pieces of metal lying on the ground, "whatever that - that was," he finished, scrunching up his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"_That _is a sculpture of an owl," Alexis explained, kneeling down to pick up a wing, wincing at its bent state. "I personally would have preferred a cow though, but my sister has a thing for owls, so here we are."

"I thought it was the Tin Man," Rick said, circling it.

"If it was, it would be coming after you with an axe right now," Alexis said deadpan, "less Narnia, more Oz."

"Does that make me Dorothy, then?" Rick joked weakly, his heart still thudding in his chest.

"You'd look sweet in a checked dress," Alexis said, picking up the other wing, "accessorize it with a little basket and you'd be winning pageants."

"You made this thing, then?" Rick said, eying up the owl with an askance glance.

"No," Alexis said, hanging the wings back on, "my sister's making it with the boys as a sort of art project. It's nearly finished, but they just can't get the eyes quite right." She studied Rick for a moment, his pale face shooting a pang through her. "Why were you running like that?" she asked quietly, clutching his sleeve, scared despite herself. She'd walked the boys to the back door of their house, before making her way over Eric's, only to see Rick run past like the hounds of hell were after him, making her chase after him, terrified something had happened.

"Carl and Judith," Rick said, half turning away from her, looking ready to run again, "I don't know where they are" -

\- "I think I do," Alexis said, taking his arm, "follow me."

_Close your eyes and count to thirty five  
You may never ever find me  
Close my eyes and then I realise  
You are never far behind me…_

* * *

Rick leaned against the porch railing, Carl beside him, both watching Judith make repeated grabs for the gold chain dangling round Alexis's neck as she held Judith in her arms, Bob and Natalie Miller cooing over Judith like she was an angel dropped from heaven, their saccharine sweet statements sickening Rick slightly. Alexis had led him over to the Miller house, explaining that the elderly couple had lost their whole family, five children and twelve grandchildren, almost using the children of Alexandria as a substitute to keep them sane, deluding themselves the old days hadn't died out with their future.

"Ain't that a pretty picture?" Bob said for the umpteenth time, gesturing to Alexis and Judith, the sun making Alexis's hair glint like gold. "Ain't it just?"

"You and Earle need to get your act together," Natalie said, wagging her finger at Alexis, making her freeze, "and make some beautiful babies" -

\- "Excuse me," Alexis snapped, all but shoving Judith into Rick's arms, before taking off like a whirlwind, tearing down the porch steps, making Bob flap his hand at his wife, face contorting with anger.

"You old fool!" he admonished, staggering to his feet. "What did you go and say somethin' like that for!?"

"I'm an old fool!?" Natalie retorted. "You're the one makin' eyes at a girl young enough to be your grand-daughter" -

\- "Carl, take Judith," Rick said quietly, handing the baby over to her big brother. "I'll be right back." He caught up with Alexis by the gate, grabbing her by the shoulder, forcing her to face him, a strange reversal of roles. "You wanna tell me what that was about?" he demanded, allowing her no room to manoeuvre.

Alexis stared at him, her face completely bloodless, making her look like she'd been carved from marble. "What do you care?" she said, standing her ground. "What's it to you?"

"Why do _you _care?" Rick said, turning the question back onto her. "Why you stickin' your neck out for me and mine?"

"I'm just trying to be decent" -

\- "Decency is as dead as the dodo" -

\- "Is it?" Alexis snapped, rounding on him. "Is it really?"

"Who's Earle?" Rick suddenly asked, making her flinch. "Your boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Did he give you that black eye?"

"He's none of your business," Alexis spat, before turning and leaving, Rick standing there, watching her go.


	14. I'm The Violence In The Pouring Rain

**I'm The Violence In The Pouring Rain**

_And there's a storm you're starting now__  
__And there's a storm you're starting now__  
__And there's a storm you're starting…_

Rick sat on the porch steps, shoulders hunched, still unable to sleep. He was starting to spend a lot of time on these porch steps, almost like it was a border between both his worlds, the inside and the outside. There was a harvest moon high above; reminding him of the night he'd killed Shane, the memory almost worn threadbare by thinking.

At that point in time, he'd left Merle handcuffed to a roof, as well as killing the two men in the bar, but those assaults had been oddly impersonal, executed with icy precision. But Shane had been like his brother, Cain and Abel; killing him had killed a part of himself. That had been the turning point, where he'd changed, evolved even. There was a new world now, a new order to ascend above, hunt or be hunted.

"Rick."

He glanced up, only to see Alexis standing in front of him, the moon casting shadows across her face, making it even more unearthly as usual. She had a face that couldn't be tired of, the kind that could be appreciated like a painting, the passing years adding depth to the patina. "What do you want?" he said quietly, echoing his earlier words.

"You," Alexis snapped, startling him, "handcuffed to my bed, making me the envy of every woman in Alexandria."

"Even Deanna?"

"_Especially _Deanna."

Rick just looked at her for a long moment, before bursting out laughing, the sound strangely rusty, ringing through the darkness. "I said you were nuts," he said, shaking his head at her, "and I was right."

"At least I don't go around offering people death," Alexis flared up, rounding on him, "ordering them to barf or die."

"At least I don't go around jumpin' out from behind trees at complete strangers," Rick retorted, getting angry now, "nearly gettin' myself killed in the process."

"It sounds like you're stuck in a timewarp," Alexis said tiredly, sitting down beside him, startling Rick for the second time.

"If you wanna talk about timewarps, look around you," Rick said, recovering himself, "it's like steppin' back into Stepford."

Alexis shook back her hair, making it flash strangely silver in the moonlight, falling over her shoulders like a shimmering veil. "I don't like playing house," she said, staring off into the distance, "I never did."

"What, you'd rather be out there playin' with death?"

"I don't fit in here, Rick." Alexis said tiredly, wondering why she was even telling him this. "I'm not interested in catching a husband or recipes or anything. If I hear Mrs. Niedermeyer talking about that goddamn pasta machine one more time" -

\- "See, this is precisely what this place's problem is," Rick snapped, startling her this time, "you keep missin' the bigger picture, focusin' on the things that don't matter. All you're thinkin' about is that your face doesn't fit, your horizons are too narrow; that outside these walls is your escape, but you're just talkin' through a hole in your head. You wouldn't last two seconds out there, Alexis, so keep within your walls and _learn _how to play house - shack up with some douchebag and bang out a few babies, live what's left of your life because that storm never passed you by; it's been here the whole time."

Alexis just looked at him, her full mouth mocking. "I didn't have you down as a philosopher," she said, elbowing him in the side, "Plato better watch his back."

Rick just shook his head, torn between being annoyed and amused. He'd been walking dead for so long, but Alexis was waking him up against his will, forcing him to see another side to the world. "Make it more like Nostradamus," he said tiredly, "I've got quite the eye when it comes to apocalypses."

"Where were you when it all went to hell?" Alexis asked curiously, unconsciously edging closer to him, her knee brushing his.

"I was in a coma," Rick said quietly, eyes distant, "I'd been shot on the job - I... I was a cop - and when I woke up, everythin' was gone, changed."

Alexis studied him, something in his face making her heart twist in her chest. "You really want to know who Earle was?" she asked, her voice cracking, becoming almost oddly high.

Rick nodded, hesitating before reaching for her face, gently cradling her cheek with his rough hand, his thumb tracing an outline around her black eye. Alexis froze, not because she felt under threat, but because it felt like her flesh was being burned by his touch. "Did he do this to you?" he asked in a low voice, holding her gaze hostage, making her snap.

"Take your fucking hands off me!" she snapped, jerking her head away, stumbling to her feet. "Don't think acting the good guy is going to get you a golden ticket into my pants. Your Paul Newman routine won't work on me, batting those baby blues to make me drop my drawers" -

\- "What!?" Rick said in disbelief, getting to his own feet. "You cracked in the head or somethin'? I ain't tryin' anythin' with you!"

"What's with you turnin' on the Southern charm, then?" Alexis exploded, completely losing control. "Think I'm a fool? Well, I've got a newsflash for you; we ain't in Kansas anymore, Dorothy."

"No, we're in Oz," Rick snapped, looming over her, "with Deanna as the goddamn Wizard duping you all into believin' this bullshit you all have a future here" -

\- "You don't know that" -

\- "You seriously think I was hittin' on you?" Rick said, silencing her. "You think cos you got every other male and then some within these walls pantin' after you, that I'm gonna fall into line and do the same?"

"Why - why did you do that?" Alexis said brokenly, remembering his touch, tender and too soon. "You - you shouldn't have done that."

Rick exhaled sharply, before studying her, realising there was more to this than met the eye. "I'm sorry," he said slowly, "I shouldn't have put my hands on you. I didn't mean anythin' by it. There's no ulterior motive behind it, and I apologize if it offended you."

Alexis nodded, biting her lip, before turning away from him.

"Look whatever this Earle did to you, I'm not him," Rick said quietly, gently taking her hands in his, echoing Alexis's earlier gesture, forcing her to face him. "You're safe with me, I swear."

Alexis glanced down at her hands in his, the sight of them so contradicting his words, but she sensed that he meant there was no motive behind his actions. She raised her gaze to his, eyes almost wondering, her brow furrowing slightly.

"Alex?"

Rick dropped Alexis's hands like they were hot coals, half turning away from her, Alexis schooling her face into its usual inscrutable lines as Jessie came over, brow furrowed as well, throwing the resemblance between her and Alexis into relief, Olivia at her side, eyes goggling behind her glasses.

"Hey," Jessie said, glancing at Rick, his harsh profile making her raise an eyebrow, "is everything alright?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Alexis flared up, her face flushing angrily. She hated Jessie babying her, trying to protect her, when her big sister's bust lip plainly showed Jessie couldn't even protect herself, never mind Alexis.

"We heard yelling," Olivia explained, refusing to be intimidated, "it sounded like you were giving somebody what for."

"As usual," Jessie said under her breath, rolling her eyes.

To Alexis's fury, Rick snorted at this, startling the two other women. A reluctant smile tugged at the corner of Jessie's mouth, and she held her hand out to him, Rick hesitating before taking it, not missing her cut lip, the sight making his jaw tighten. "I'm Jessie, Alexis's annoying older sister," she said, introducing herself, "and this is Olivia."

"Rick," he said, nodding at Olivia, who waved back, clearly liking what she saw.

Jessie hesitated, as if caught in some internal dilemma. "I hear you have a son about my oldest boy's age," she said almost nervously, balancing the basket on her hip higher, "you should bring him round for lunch tomorrow, Ron and him could hang out, if - if that's okay? We're having Philly Cheesesteak" –

\- "He'll be there, alright?" Alexis said abruptly, her stomach turning at the thought of Rick under Pete's roof, "Rick and his children, the whole damn county" –

\- "That's if you don't put me off my food," Rick said, ruffling up her hair, startling Alexis.

"I think that's you told, Alex," Olivia said smartly, smirking.


	15. Is There Somewhere

**Is There Somewhere **

"Were you holding hands with Alexis?" Carol said from behind Rick, making him whirl around. "Or was I just imagining that part?" she said, stepping forwards, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Jesus," Rick hissed through his teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, "don't even ask."

"But I am asking."

"Look, I don't even know what that was," Rick snapped, rounding on her, "the woman's cracked in the head, man. Everywhere I go, she's there, in my face, gettin' on my last nerve."

"Really?" Carol said, leaning against the draining board. "I got the impression you were rather enjoying her company – in parts anyways."

"Hold your horses, Carol," Rick said, coming over to her, "I'm not interested in Alexis, okay? I barely know her for chrissake – anythin' like that is out of the question" -

\- "Then why are you so upset?" Carol said coldly. "If she doesn't mean anything to you, why are you getting so hot and bothered?"

"What, you jealous?" Rick snapped, a terrible silence falling in the wake of his words, making him wish he could take them back.

Then Carol's lips twitched, and the next thing he knew, she was laughing, the sound ringing round the kitchen. "God, you kill me sometimes," she said, reaching over and pulling out a bottle of bourbon from the rack. "Jealous? You wish, Rick Grimes."

"God, I'm never gonna live this down, am I?" Rick said, exhaling sharply as she poured him a glass.

"Forget about it," Carol said, necking the bourbon straight from the bottle, "let's get lit before Abraham gets his grubby hands on this little beauty." She held the bottle up, admiring it like she was appraising a fine diamond, making Rick grin reluctantly.

"Alexis is a card," he admitted, cradling his glass, "maybe a beautiful card, but a card all the same."

"But you're interested in her, aren't you?" Carol said, returning to her original attack. "Whether you want to be or not" -

\- "I am not interested in Alexis," Rick reiterated through gritted teeth, "and I don't give a damn about her either."

"But you're starting to."

"No, I'm not."

"Then why are you so interested in how she got that black eye?" Carol said, setting the bottle down on the kitchen counter. "Why are you going to her sister's house for lunch tomorrow, and don't use Carl as your excuse, and yes, I was shamelessly eavesdropping as well as spying on you."

Rick just shook his head, before half turning away from her, torn between amusement and annoyance.

"Look, your personal life is none of my business," Carol said tiredly, making him glance up at her, "but we need to take stock of _where_ we are, and _who_ these people are. Alexis is one of _them_, Rick, and I feel she's getting too close, too fast, particularly to you. She's barely away from your side" -

"Because she brought us in here," Rick said impatiently, "she feels like she's obligated to keep an eye on us, some sort of duty of care, I don't know. She thinks we're her responsibility or something. I'm telling you, Carol, the girl's got a screw loose."

"So do you," Carol said scathingly, "we all do actually."

"Alexis isn't 'one of them'," Rick said, brandishing his glass at her, "she doesn't belong here. But that isn't my problem" -

\- "She's making it your problem" -

\- "This place isn't Paradise," Rick snapped, "somebody gave her that black eye, and she's covering for them. Her sister's sporting a bust lip as well. My money's on either the sister's husband or this Earle everybody keeps talkin' about" -

\- "Earle?" Carol said, confused.

"Yeah, I know," Rick said, "I don't know who he is either. But if there are threats within these walls, I'm gonna find them out, Alexis or not."

"We're going to have to do more than that," Carol said quietly.

"I know."

There was a long silence, Rick downing his bourbon in one mouthful, Carol almost automatically pouring him some more. "I thought Deanna was coming over today to talk about giving us jobs," she then said, leaning back against the kitchen counter, brow furrowing.

"Deanna Don't Preach," Rick said with a bitter laugh, nursing his drink.

"I know," Carol said darkly, echoing his earlier words.

"Look, about Alexis, I get what you're saying, how it looks," Rick said suddenly, startling her, "but you're wrong, okay?"

"She's broken, Rick, and so are you," Carol said, fixing her grey gaze on him, "and that's a dangerous combination, indifferent acquaintances or otherwise. Just... just be careful, alright?"

Rick nodded, not realizing the damage was already done.

_I'm searching for something that I can't reach…_


	16. My Heart Is Golden, My Hands Are Cold

**My Heart Is Golden, My Hands Are Cold **

Alexis tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, before smoothing down the front of her denim pinafore, the white t-shirt she'd layered it with setting off her tan. She paced Jessie's kitchen, on extreme edge, not just about being under her brother-in-law's roof again, or the approaching lunch, but of her behavior last night, the way Rick had reacted. She'd handled it all wrong, losing her cool, letting him see the storm inside her. But then again, he'd lain hands on her; yet hadn't she invaded his personal space from the word go, always breaching his barriers-

"Dime for your thoughts?" Jessie smiled as she set the table, eying her sister with some amusement.

"Rick ruffled up my hair," Alexis choked out, the memory humiliating her.

"Yeah, that whole thing last night edged on the bizarre," Jessie said, brow furrowing slightly, "but I would put it down to culture shock. The poor man doesn't know whether he's coming or going. From being out there to in here, it's going to take time to adjust, for them to adapt to being around normal people again."

"And I'm not exactly normal, am I?" Alexis said, exhaling sharply.

"Sometimes, you do come across as a bit... forceful," Jessie said tactfully, "and I do think you're overwhelming Rick a little, not that he can't handle himself of course, he looks to be quite capable of taking care of himself, but maybe you should give him some space, hmmm?" She raised her eyebrows at Alexis almost patronizingly, holding the stack of plates with the air of an expert, the epitome of domestic chic in her checked shirt and perfect pony-tail.

Alexis stared at her sister, the penny finally dropping. "I'm not trying to catch him, Jessie," she snapped, "I'll leave the husband-hunting to Olivia, thank you very much."

"Why not, Alex?" Jessie said tiredly, losing her poise as she set down the plates on the table. "He seems like a good man" -

\- "He's a goddamn psycho who held a gun at my head," Alexis snapped, startling Jessie, "I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot barge pole."

"Well, I'm sure he had his reasons," Jessie said tersely, shocking Alexis.

"What like Pete does!?" Alexis spat, making Jessie flinch. "I was just trying to help Rick and he turned like a snake on me!"

"Then why did you bring him back to Alexandria?" Jessie said quietly.

Alexis hesitated, wrongfooted. "Because... because I think he's a good man," she said brokenly.

"Is that why you were holding hands with him last night on that porch?" Jessie said gently, drawing Alexis to her.

"He... he understands," Alexis said, unable to meet her sister's eyes, "but I don't think he understands that he understands."

"And that makes a lot of sense," Jessie said, shaking her head, making Alexis smile despite herself. "But maybe he'll understand without... understanding."

Alexis studied her sister, her smile fading. "Jess," she said uncertainly, "why can't it be like this all the time?"

Jessie hesitated, before letting go of Alexis, a shadow crossing her face. "Pete's trying," she said uneasily, "but he's not trying enough. I... I'm seriously thinking of walking away, Alex, but I don't know how. There's nowhere to go except out there, beyond the walls, and you know that's not an option."

Again, Alexis stared at Jessie, shocked at this sudden turn of events. "But you said you wanted to make it work," she said stupidly, "that he'd change" -

\- "And I've always said that," Jessie flared up, the tears springing to her eyes, "but when you walked out of here, saying we were over, it was like a wake-up call, forcing me to think twice about who comes first, my family or Pete. He didn't want me to have this lunch you know," she said, straightening the lace table-cloth, "he twisted my arm up my back, trying to make me cancel it, but I didn't give in, even when I wanted to. I seriously thought he was going to break a bone" -

\- "Jess," Alexis said, her voice cracking, "listen to yourself, this isn't normal, but you're speaking as if it is. That's why you have to leave, and now. Forget the lunch, just pack a bag and leave – take the boys and come with me to Eric's" -

\- "I can't bring that kind of trouble to Eric's door," Jessie said, shaking her head. "I just can't."

"Just leave, Jess," Alexis pleaded, reaching for her, but Jessie turned away, lips trembling.

"Not yet," she whispered, "but soon, I swear."

_You can't wake up, this is not a dream__  
__You're part of a machine, you are not a human being__  
__With your face all made up, living on a screen__  
__Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline…_


	17. Soft Resurrection

**Soft Resurrection **

_Gargoyles standing at the front of your gate__  
__Trying to tell me to wait…_

Daryl clutched the casserole dish like it was a bomb, the palms of his hands sweating, wishing he was out in the woods instead of walking into what seemed like a PTA meeting, the squawking voices and sickly sweet smell of perfume setting him instantly on edge. It was Carol he blamed for this, blackmailing him into showing his face at this goddamn lunch with Rick, saying he was damaging Carl and Judith's chances in Alexandria with his surly behavior. She'd forced him to wash up before dragging a comb through his shaggy hair and turning him out of the house, ordering him to behave himself, making him flick the middle finger at her, a gesture Carol had cheerfully returned.

Rick edged around him, holding Judith in his arms, Carl at his heels, slightly taken aback at the sight before him. Jessie's living room was packed out with women, Alexis nowhere to be seen, an example he wished he could follow. As he and Daryl stood in the doorway, heads turned, conversations trailing to a stunned stop, the sheer amount of attention making the sweat bead on his neck. He felt like a chicken surrounded by foxes, making him take a step back, only to crash into Eugene.

"What the hell are you doin' here!?" Daryl hissed, trying to keep a grip on the casserole dish, but it was rapidly becoming a losing battle.

"Carol sent me over to attend this social luncheon," Eugene explained almost robotically, "I was impeding the progress of her cleaning of the kitchen so I thought it expedient to follow her advice and bring my person here" -

\- "Look what the cat dragged in," Pamela Scott, an overconfident divorcee from Charleston drawled, coming over to them, her overpowering tones drowning out Eugene, "three hunks for our delicate delectation" -

\- "Hands off, honey," Martha Evans boomed, "I saw Biceps first."

"Well, I'm claimin' Blue-Eyes here," Pamela said, slipping her arm through Rick's, "come and sit down beside me, darlin', and tell me all about yourself." Rick submitted to being led over to the sofa, glancing over his shoulder as the rest of the women descended on Daryl and Eugene, blocking them from his sight.

"So, you a friend of Jessie's?" Rick tried to say politely, silently cursing as Carl made a successful break for it, disappearing through the doorway.

"She's my _best _friend," Pamela said, tossing her head back, thrusting her padded chest out, "especially after introducin' me to you." She smiled at him, revealing buck teeth, making Rick grimace back, realizing too late that the lunch was just a husband trap, that all of Alexandria's single women must be in this room right now.

"Look what I picked up, Pammy," Sarah Marshall cackled, dragging Eugene over, looking old enough to be his mother, "it's the quiet ones you have to watch." She stroked Eugene's mullet like one would a cat, Rick repressing the hysterical urge to laugh. "I bet you've got a trick or two up your sleeve," she leered at Eugene, making him swallow hard.

"Who's the cherub?" Dana Alcott demanded, sitting down in the seat opposite, gesturing with her wine-glass at Judith.

"Uh, this is my daughter Judy," Rick said, tightening his arms around her, "and I have a son, Carl, he's about Jessie's son's age."

"Her correct rubric is Judith," Eugene said formally, "Judy is reminiscent of the puppet, a derogatory association" -

\- "And Pete's Punch," Samantha Wilkins laughed from behind them, making Rick's head snap up, only to see a middle-aged blonde with a bad perm, everybody within a four feet radius snorting into their wine-glasses at her wit.

"Who's Pete?" he asked, confused, not getting the joke.

"He's Jessie's husband," Pamela said, pinching Judith's cheek, making her rosebud mouth screw up threateningly, "knocks her about, y'know, like Punch and Judy? The sister too, but I don't have much sympathy for her, _Ms._ High and Mighty, actin' all look but don't touch, yet she's been literally around the Alexandrian block at least twice, includin' Deanna's darlin' boys, but not all at once, though who knows" -

\- "What's bein' done about it?" Rick demanded, fighting to control the almost illogical rage rising in him.

"Pete?" Pamela said astutely, raising a plucked eyebrow. "Nothin's been done, sugar. What can anybody do? He's our only doctor, we kind of need him."

"Where's the rest of your friends?" Samantha said to Rick, leaning down, threatening to fall out of her dress. "I heard Alex brought back a veritable barbarian horde."

But Rick didn't answer her, his attention unwillingly caught instead by Olivia's raised voice, recognizing her from last night. Her face was flushed, almost spilling out a spaghetti strap dress, her hands all over Daryl, squeezing his biceps, the other women following her example, Daryl cringing from them, making Rick see red. "Gonna call them off my friend," he said to Pamela, struggling to stay polite, jerking his head in Daryl's direction, "he doesn't do too well with strangers."

"Right gels, hands off the mountain man!" Pamela hollered across the room, the volume of her voice making Rick wince, Judith burying her face in the crook of his neck. But the women gave Daryl a wide berth, much to Rick's relief, Daryl still clutching that goddamn casserole dish like it was the Holy Grail.

"You fancy havin' some more of those critters?" a redhead asked from opposite Rick, waving her wine-glass at Judith, making his head snap up in shock. "It's our duty to repopulate the world, y'know."

"Hands off, Sue-Ellen," Pamela admonished, grabbing Rick's knee, "this one's mine."

Rick just grimaced again, mind awhirl with what he'd learned about Alexis, about who was really responsible for her black eye, dismissing the rest of Pamela's gossip as malicious bull-shit, not really caring either. What Alexis did in her private life was none of his business; it wasn't his place to judge. But if the only doctor within these walls was a violent woman-beating thug, well, that was more than his business.

Just as he was thinking this, Alexis popped her head round the door, her face pale and strained, making him realize that she had nothing to do with this circus, the knowledge unexpectedly filling him with surprised relief. Her eye caught his, and she shot him a desperate glance, anxiety mixed up with apology, her gaze then travelling across the rest of the room, the sight making her jaw tighten.

With a whirl of blonde hair, she was gone, leaving Rick staring stupidly at the space she just vacated, Pamela squeezing his knee, her fingers digging into his flesh, making him start violently. "I see you're sufferin' from the Alexis Effect," she said deadpan, "want me to run you a cold shower, sugar? Maybe I can join you, huh? Make you forget about Ms. Priss-Pants, hmmm?"

Rick just sat there, feeling like he was caught in the grip of some nightmare, unable to escape. Eugene was now waxing forth on the merits of solar power, his voice oddly high, Sarah's grey eyes glazing over, but her hand was on his fat thigh, staking her territory. Rick's gaze met Daryl's angry one, the redneck still surrounded by women, _still _clutching the casserole dish, not thinking of setting it down.

"_Who's _that?" Samantha gasped, her jaw dropping, as Abraham sauntered into the living room, chest puffed out, reeking alcohol fumes.

"Who's here for the strip-show!?" he boomed, before ripping open his shirt, revealing a broad expanse of ginger chest hair, a roar of approval rippling around the room, Daryl finally dropping the casserole dish.


	18. Shade My Eyes From The Sun

**Shade My Eyes From The Sun**

_Slow down little one__  
__You can't keep running away__  
__You mustn't go outside yet__  
__It's not your time to play…_

"Whoa, where's the fire?" Alexis asked, as Carl almost collided into her, automatically catching his arm to steady him.

Carl just stared at her with wide eyes, startled, before catching himself, shaking his head as though to clear it. "I'm escaping the circus downstairs," he said, making Alexis raise an eyebrow. "Sorry," he hastily amended, "they're your friends, I" -

\- "Don't be sorry, kid," Alexis said tiredly, half-heartedly punching him on the shoulder, "I was just messing. They're definitely not my friends, and they should definitely not be here."

"Then why are they?" Carl asked curiously.

"Because my brother-in-law got the wrong end of the stick," Alexis lied, knowing full well that Pete had coldly and deliberately set out to scupper her sister's plans as revenge for her going against his wishes. "He thought we were holding a sort of social mixer for your group, and he invited half of Alexandria over."

"The female half?" Carl hazarded, raising an eyebrow this time.

"The women here outnumber the men ten to one," Alexis pointed out reluctantly, "so maybe we can hardly blame them for being a little excited at the prospect of fresh meat."

"We're all fresh meat," Carl pointed out quietly in turn, "especially out there."

Alexis hesitated at this, before forcing a smile on her face. "Okay, before we give up on life entirely," she said, shaking her hair back, "why don't you come and meet my oldest nephew? Trust me," she said gently upon seeing the sceptical look on his face, "it's better than haring about my sister's house like a madman, and besides, Ron has a candy stash to make your eyes pop out."

"I like my eyes as they are," Carl said dourly, but all the same, he allowed Alexis to take him by the elbow and steer him down the hall in the direction of Ron's room. As she came to a stop in the doorway, Ron's head jerked up, his face turning red.

"Hey, Aunt Alex," Ron said, hastily clambering off the bed from where he'd been sitting beside Enid, nearly tripping over his skateboard in the process.

"What did I say about having Enid in your room, Ron?" Alexis snapped, not caring if Carl was there, too caught up in her annoyance to notice the way he was staring at Enid. The girl was like a ghost, appearing and disappearing at the drop of a hat, the thought of Enid creeping about Jessie's house unseen setting Alexis on edge.

"The door was open," Ron protested, "and we weren't doing anything anyways" -

\- "Then why are you sitting on the bed with her!?" Alexis flared up as Enid rolled her eyes and picked up a comic book, all but blocking Alexis out.

"Stop embarrassing me," Ron whined, his face turning red again at Alexis's insinuation, "you're not my mother!"

"Hey," Mikey said nervously, edging around Alexis as he came into the room, "is... is this a good time?" He glanced at Alexis, half torn between admiration and anxiousness, his crush on her colliding with his nervousness upon seeing he'd just walked in on a family row. He usually dropped by the Anderson house when nobody was about, particularly Pete, but just when he thought he was in the clear, here he was, in the middle of World War Three.

"It's okay," Alexis said, exhaling sharply, "you don't need to head for the hills just yet."

"Cool," Mikey tried to say nonchalantly, his gaze then falling on Carl, seeing and seizing on an opportunity to change the subject. "Who's the new guy?" he asked, making Alexis do a double-take, before hastily remembering Carl was there and why.

"This is Carl," she said, ushering him forwards, "he's part of the group I brought back – I thought he could hang out here, shoot the breeze, do whatever teenagers do at the end of the world."

"Getting embarrassed by their aunts?" Ron suggested.

"Very funny, Ron," Alexis retorted. "You're should be a comedian" -

\- "I'm Mikey," Mickey interjected awkwardly, holding his hand out to Carl, who shook it, "and that's Ron and his girlfriend Enid," he added, jerking his head at the pair, Enid ignoring him, turning the next page of her comic book with deliberate precision, Ron nodding at Carl, Carl nodding back. "You gonna go to school in Alexandria, then?" he then asked Carl, trying to keep the conversation on neutral lines.

"School?" Carl said in disbelief, glancing at Alexis in confusion.

"You'll be going in the afternoons," Alexis explained, leaning against the doorframe, "Sam, Ron's little brother, attends in the mornings. You'll like it."

"What's there to like about sitting in a garage, bored out of our skulls?" Ron said sulkily.

"Ron's the top of his class," Alexis said, ignoring him, "a veritable brainbox."

"Not that I have much competition," Ron muttered, unconsciously massaging his still sore arm.

"Maybe you do now," Alexis said smartly, elbowing Carl in the side, making him grin reluctantly.

There was a moment of silence, and then Carl hastily drew out a comic book from his back pocket, unfolding it before almost offering it to Mikey. "Is... is this yours?" he asked uneasily, glancing at Enid who continued to ignore him, Mikey taking the comic book from him.

"It's Enid's actually," Mikey said, throwing it over to her, "we... we used to hang out in that house, it was like our den, y'know?"

"I hope you didn't damage anything," Alexis said, straightening up.

"No, we just listened to music and stuff," Mikey said hastily.

"Stuff?"

"Yeah, stuff," Enid said, speaking up for the first time, snatching the comic book up from the bed, "like pole-dancing and drinking absinthe stuff."

There was a long silence, Alexis's face changing colours like a traffic light, and then Carl suddenly laughed, the sound startling everyone, ringing around the room. "Sorry," he said, ducking his head, embarrassed by the attention, "it was funny."

Silence.

"Do you want to play some videos games?" Mikey said to Carl, stepping into the breach again. "Or we can go over to my house and play pool? My dad's at work, so he won't be breathing down our necks" -

\- "Jeesh, Mike," Enid snapped, "chill out."

Carl just stared stupidly at Enid, making Ron lay a proprietary hand on Enid's shoulder, almost like he was staking his territory, his eyes narrowing in Carl's direction as he did.

"I forgot to say, Enid's from outside," Alexis explained uneasily, her brow furrowing at Ron's sudden shift of behaviour "like you, Carl" -

\- "Do you want to play video games or not?" Ron snapped at Carl, just wanting Alexis to leave now. "You can have first choice."

"You don't have to, if you don't want to," Alexis said, wondering if bringing Carl up here was such a good idea after all, "maybe we can go and see how your dad's surviving downstairs" -

\- "No, video games sounds cool," Carl interrupted her. "I'm in if you guys are," he added, glancing around at the others.

"Sweet," Mikey said, high-fiving him as Ron went over to the bookcase, Enid glancing at Carl curiously, holding his gaze for a long moment, before looking away, returning her attention back to her comic book.

For a moment, Carl just stood there, suddenly looking lost, overwhelmed even, before pulling himself back together, offering Alexis a wobbly smile that made her heart twist in her chest. Without thinking, she reached out and ruffled up his hair like he was Ron, and then she was gone, heading out into the hall, steeling herself for facing the circus downstairs. She popped her head round the doorway, scanning the room for Rick, her gaze finding his, blue on blue, his face strangely standing out from the others. For a moment they just stared at one another, making Alexis's heart thud erratically in her chest, understanding without understanding. She forced herself to look away, glancing across the rest of the room, before leaving in a whirl of blonde hair, seeking sanctuary in the hall instead.

"Alex," Jessie said, coming out of the kitchen, looking harassed, "could you give me a hand please?"

"You know I can't cook," Alexis almost whined, reverting back to being ten years old again.

"All I'm asking you to do is watch the oven," Jessie snapped, startling Alexis, "that's the least you can do after all the trouble I've taken" -

\- "Trouble for what?" Alexis snapped back. "I never asked you to invite Rick over."

"No, you didn't," Jessie said, advancing on Alexis, "but I did it for your benefit, to make the man feel welcome for your sake."

Alexis just stared at Jessie, all the colour draining from her face. "What part of not interested don't you understand, Jess?" she hissed. "So save the matchmaking for that lot in there – they're practically offering themselves on a plate" -

\- "And you aren't?" Jessie flared up. "You follow him around like a little dog – I heard he has to practically turf you off his property" -

\- "Screw you and your goddamn lunch," Alexis spat, snatching up her jacket hanging from the stair-post, "I hope you choke on it." And with that, she was gone, barging past Abraham, Jessie watching her go before tiredly gesturing Abraham to go through before heading back into the kitchen.

"They ain't gonna know what hit them," Abraham slurred, straightening his shoulders before striding through the doorway.


	19. It's A Long Way Down

**It's A Long Way Down **

_You fail you fail to see now__  
__What you need the most__  
__Making a meal of me now__  
__You're the perfect host…_

Rick picked up one of the framed photographs, studying its subject with narrowed eyes, finally putting a face to the threat he'd been hunting. Pete Anderson, the epitome of the all American dream, with a beautiful wife and home, raising a family in an elite neighborhood at the end of the world. The bastard had got lucky, and now he was throwing it all away, all because he was getting away with it.

"Rick."

He turned around, expecting to see Alexis, only to see Jessie instead, balancing Judith on her hip, the sisters sounding uncannily alike. Lunch had been a muted affair, Daryl disappearing after destroying Jessie's best carpet, Rick dragging Abraham outside and hosing him down, sobering him up fast, sending him home to Rosita for a rollicking, before going back inside and helping Jessie rig up refreshments for Eugene and the others in the dining room, a task quickly accomplished thanks to the various dishes brought over prior by Pamela and the rest of her coven.

Rick, Carl and Judith had eaten the promised Philly Cheesesteak in the kitchen with Jessie and her sons, along with Olivia, Mikey, Enid and Eric, but of Alexis, nothing had been seen, Aaron not present either, reportedly out hunting rabbits. The food itself had been delicious, Jessie obviously a good cook, but the undercurrent of tension had marred the meal, Alexis's absence almost overbearingly conspicuous, a silent fuck you.

Eric and Jessie had laboured to carry the occasion off, making jokes and offering everyone second and third helpings, Rick consoled by the fact Carl seemed to be making friends, swapping strained opinions on comic books with Ron, Mikey nodding almost absentmindedly in agreement, Enid interjecting with oddly bitter observations. Olivia had busied herself with stuffing her face, Jessie's youngest son fervently following her example, shooting Rick curious glances from under his fringe.

"Sorry," Rick said, breaking the silence, hastily setting the photo down, "I'm a nosy son of a bitch."

"It's okay," Jessie smiled crookedly, Alexis's smile, making Rick's heart jolt oddly at the recognition, "I just came up here to thank you for helping out today, and also to apologize for the carnival downstairs. My husband got the wrong end of the stick, he thought I was holding some sort of mixer, and spread the word. I didn't want to be rude when they turned up on the doorstep" -

\- "Don't," Rick said abruptly, startling Jessie, "just... don't."

She stared at him, for a long moment, before exhaling sharply, finally understanding. "I guess Alex told you about my dirty little secret, then," she said with uncharacteristic bitterness, "that my husband batters me behind closed doors" -

\- "No, she didn't," Rick snapped, "you can blame your so called friends for that." He turned away from her, running his hand across his stubbled cheek, remembering Carol's words, _she's making it your problem_. "Look, I don't know you," he said tiredly, facing her again, "and that I barely know your sister, but this," he gestured around him, "is a bomb ready to go off. I used to be a cop, and I saw shit like this all the time, whole families wiped out" -

\- "You're right, you don't know me," Jessie snapped back, balancing Judith higher on her hip, "so you don't have the right to waltz in here, telling me how to live my life under my own roof, pawing through my pictures like you're working on some case, putting a face and a name to a suspect" -

\- "Hey" -

\- "Don't hey me!" Jessie retorted, jabbing her finger at him. "I only invited you over because I thought it was nice Alexis had made friends with you, that maybe she was moving on from what happened with Earle – so Pete's my problem, not yours, okay!?"

\- "Pete is precisely my problem," Rick said dangerously, advancing on her, "I heard he's the only doctor around here. What happens if one of my kids gets sick? How do I know he isn't gonna hurt them?"

"He wouldn't!"

"Then how come your oldest boy can barely hold a fork?" Rick challenged, making Jessie turn away from him, the tears springing to her eyes. "Why are you puttin' your kids in danger, Jessie – why you askin' me to put my own kids' lives on the line!?"

"I've leaving him, okay!?"

"When?"

Jessie bit her lip, something in her face making Rick back down against his will, reminding him of Alexis at her most exposed.

"I made the decision to come to Alexandria against my better judgment," Rick said tiredly, spreading his hands out, "I had my doubts about it, but I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I took a chance on your sister, but now I don't know whether I made the right gamble or not, whether we should have kept walkin' " -

\- "Alexis said you held a gun to her head," Jessie said suddenly, startling him this time, "is that true?"

Rick hesitated, before nodding, not liking the look in her eyes.

"Then that makes you a hypocrite," Jessie said coldly, regaining her composure, "and us idiots, risking everything by even having you breathing within our walls" -

\- "What" -

\- What kind of a man points a gun at a young girl's head after she tries to help him and his family" -

\- "What kind of people threaten to rape my son in front of me!?" Rick yelled, making Jessie flinch. "What kind of people chop off one of my friends legs and eat it!? What kind of people decapitate an old man and tear down everything he and his family built, forcing them to hit the road, driving his youngest daughter to a death she didn't deserve!? What kind of people are we now, Jessie!? Tell me, cos I sure as hell don't know!"

To his own disgust, he was crying now, uglily and loudly, Jessie nervously putting her arm around his shoulders, trying to comfort both father and daughter as Judith began wailing, Rick burying his face in the crook of Jessie's neck, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair, finally finding home, except it was Alexis who held him, understanding without understanding.

_Open your arms in welcome__  
__To people to your town__  
__Look up look up look up now__  
__It's a long way down…_


	20. Only Human

**Only Human**

Rick hesitated outside Carl's bedroom door, still reeling from the way he'd broken down in Jessie's arms, almost recoiling from the memory. She'd handled it with admirable aplomb, especially after their argument, calming him down, giving him a glass of water and tissues, before taking Judith downstairs, discreetly granting him time to pull himself together before facing the others again.

But he'd left after that, taking Judith with him, leaving Carl to make his own way home, after he expressed an uneasy interest in checking out the makeshift school somebody had set up in their garage, Ron offering to show him round almost against his will, Mikey tagging after them, Enid characteristically disappearing into oblivion. As Rick had made his way down the sidewalk, he'd looked for Alexis, but she was nowhere to be seen, the knowledge making his heart strangely sink in his chest.

He'd hidden himself in the attic after that, sitting down on an old mattress long left behind, Judith falling asleep in his arms, Rick studying her small face, the sight restoring him to himself slightly, but even that wasn't enough to silence the storm roaring within him. Now he knew who was hurting Alexis, that irrational rage was threatening to overrule him, forcing him to face whatever he was beginning to feel.

If he had to be honest with himself, he didn't give a damn about Alexandria or its people, not even those who went out their way to make him feel welcome. Their walls were to serve to _his_ advantage, shielding_his _family, not theirs, from the world outside. But Alexis made his heart hesitate, because she was part of this place, building it with her bare hands, Alexandria and Alexis intertwined.

He barely knew her, but something in Alexis called to him, and he had no other option but to answer it. They were alike, both broken, but she had managed to save something of herself, whilst he'd sacrificed his soul to stay alive, to keep his family alive. Yet their fates had followed different roads, Alexis finding shelter from the storm, Rick trying and failing to outrun it. Adversity had strengthened him, whilst Alexandria's walls had weakened Alexis, and here they were, existing at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Rick leaned his forehead against the door, trying to reason with himself, why he would feel this way. He _wasn't _interested in Alexis, but then his thoughts drifted to the glint of her gold hair, the proud way she carried herself, remembering that night in the barn, how the sparks of the fire had been reflected in her eyes, and he straightened up, half turning away, not understanding when he already understood.

"You're losin' your mind, man," he hissed to himself, "you don't know her..." But he knew she was brave, possessing courage under fire, standing her ground even when she was terrified. She was stubborn, emotionally erratic, and oddly intense. Vulnerable as well, trying to hold herself together even when she was falling apart. But most of all she was defiant, defying him the most of all, breaking down his own walls.

Gritting his teeth, he went into Carl's room, making his son glance up from the comic book he'd been reading. "Everything okay, Dad?" Carl asked, instantly on the alert.

"Yeah," Rick said, forcing a smile, "how was school?"

Carl wrinkled his nose, the expression saying it all.

"You... you goin' over to Ron's house again?" Rick asked hesitantly, making Carl look sharply at him.

"Maybe, why?" Carl said, brow furrowing.

Rick took a deep breath, realising he had to tell the truth, that Carl would brook no bullshit. "You've seen Alexis's black eye, haven't you?" he said quietly, making Carl sit up, setting down his comic book on the bed beside him.

"Yeah," Carl said, "what of it?"

"Ron's dad did it," Rick said abruptly, "and he's hurting his wife as well, probably his sons too. So I don't want you to go over there again" -

\- "Until you deal with it?" Carl cut across him, making Rick half turn away, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "It's okay, Dad," he said slowly, making Rick look at him, "I get it. You've got to do what you've got to do. He's hurting people, so he has to be stopped."

"It's not as straightforward as that, son," Rick said reluctantly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "he's the only doctor within these walls. I can't just... take him out, not without thinking through the consequences."

"You're forcing yourself think about the consequences, aren't you?" Carl said astutely, reading his father like a book.

"I don't want, but I have to," Rick said, exhaling sharply, "if you or Judy get sick, who's goin' to treat you?"

Carl couldn't quite answer this, seeing the corner his father had been backed into, either risk lives by ending Pete's life, or continue to risk lives by letting Pete live. "There must be somebody else who could take over," he said, brow furrowing.

"I'm gonna find out," Rick said, "and I'm gonna deal with this. But until then, stay away from Ron's house, okay?"

Carl nodded, shifting uncomfortably on the spot. "I don't think Ron likes me very much anyways," he said, dropping his gaze to the ground.

"Why?"

"Because... because he has a hot girlfriend," Carl said in a rush, the tips of his ears turning red, making Rick grin despite everything.

"Were you checkin' her out?" Rick said slyly, poking Carl's arm, making him squirm.

"D-a-a-d," Carl almost whined, "don't say stuff like that."

"How do you think I felt this mornin'?" Rick retorted. "You threw me to the wolves, man."

"Hey, I didn't want to sit there with all of them," Carl said, jabbing his finger at his father, "having them pinch my cheeks and talk to me like a baby."

"Well, Judy did have more than her fair share of pinched cheeks," Rick admitted, "but bros before hos, dude."

"Did you seriously just say dude?" Carl said, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, I did," Rick said, wincing.

Carl studied his father for a moment, his amusement fading, blue eyes clouding over. "These people... they're weak," he said quietly, "and I don't want us to get weak too."

Rick nodded, unable to say anything else, remembering how he'd broken down, his walls wasted, weakening him.

* * *

"Deanna hasn't given me a job yet," Michonne said quietly, making Rick turn around from where he'd been watching the world outside, the moonlight turning the sidewalk silver.

He hesitated before answering, trying to figure out an angle to approach the subject, knowing Michonne had her hopes pinned on Alexandria being home. "She hasn't given any of us jobs yet," he said slowly, "I think she's observin' us before brokerin' a deal about us stayin' here. Jobs mean commitment, and I don't think Deanna's quite there yet."

"Then why make the proposition?"

"Because she's just puttin' the idea out there, waitin' to see how we react," Rick said tiredly. "Probably gaugin' whether we're prepared to contribute towards the keep of the community."

Michonne just nodded, her eyes becoming as distant as the night sky. "I heard you sent Abraham back here with a flea in his ear," she said suddenly, lips twitching. "Rosita gave him a right rollicking."

"Trouble in paradise, eh?" Rick said ruefully. "Well, maybe he should think twice about rippin' his shirt off in front of a room of desperate divorcees. I nearly had a riot on my hands - had to hose him down to make him see sense."

Michonne burst out laughing at this, making Rick reluctantly smile.

"He should save the stripshows for Rosita," Rick said, turning back to the window, "for her eyes only and all that shit."

Michonne shook back her dreadlocks, her mirth fading, the light leaving her eyes. "So if Deanna offers you a job, are you going to take it?" she said, returning to her original attack. "Make that final deal?"

"Like signin' the papers?" Rick said, still not looking at her. "Sayin' yes, that this is how it is, stuck here, behind these walls?"

"Are you afraid to do that?"

"Are you?"

"No."

"So then why are we both awake?" Rick said, finally looking at Michonne, but she dropped her gaze to the ground, Rick turning back to the window. "I'm gonna take a walk," he said, clasping her shoulder, and then he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him.

* * *

Rick tugged the collar of his jacket higher, before thrusting his hands into his pockets, the bite in the air heralding the approach of winter. He strode down the sidewalk, like a king walking incognito through his kingdom, surveying his surroundings. The world felt like it belonged to him, and only him, the thought crossing his mind not for the first time, of taking Alexandria for his own. But the sound of soft footsteps shattered the illusion, making his head snap round, only to see Alexis cross the road at the top of the street, the sight of her shadowed face making his heart speed up.

"Hey," he called over, "wait up."

Alexis slowed to a stop, jaw tightening, remembering Jessie's words, _you follow him around like a little dog_. "What's the score, Paul?" she said tersely, hooking her thumbs through her belt loops.

"I'm hardly Paul Newman," Rick said irritably, coming to a stop in front of her, "but thanks for the compliment."

"Who said it was?"

Rick raised his eyebrows, before setting off down the sidewalk again, Alexis falling into step beside him. "Why are you out here at this time of night anyways?" he asked as Alexis puffed out her cheeks, shoving her hands into her corduroy jacket pockets.

"I was over at Holly's," Alexis said, lengthening her stride to match his, "when the shit hits the fan, head over to Holly's."

"I'll remember that," Rick said wryly, before hesitantly offering her his arm, Alexis hesitating before linking her own through his, shoving her hand back into her pocket, some strange part of her drawing comfort from the curve of his arm around hers, almost holding her up.

"How was the lunch from hell?" she asked in an undertone, ducking her head slightly, making him glance down at her.

"Your sister's a good cook," Rick said honestly enough, "but other than that, I was... slightly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of neighbourly attention we received."

"Even Jessie can't re-invent Philly Cheesesteak," Alexis said tiredly, "not with goat's cheese and rabbit substituting the steak. As for the others, well... they gate-crashed the joint. But don't blame them for their exploding ovaries. It's the world's fault, telling them to breed" -

\- "Rick Grimes?"

Alexis's head snapped up at the sound of Pete's voice, having not realized they were passing Jessie's house, silently cursing herself for not noticing. Her brother-in-law was on the porch, splayed out on a deckchair, smoking a cigarette, the smoke curling around him like fog.

"It is Rick Grimes, isn't it?" Pete pressed, his voice carrying through the darkness, making Alexis tense up involuntarily.

"Yeah, it is," Rick said casually, every inch of him on alert, belying his nonchalance.

"My wife threw a dinner party for you," Pete said, leaning forwards, "and - well, well, here's Alexis," he said suddenly, as though seeing her for the first time, "my sweet baby sister-in-law. Didn't see you there, Alex, how's tricks?"

Alexis just stood there, silence her only answer, refusing to play his game.

"It's a nice night," Rick said, raising his voice as he drew Alexis closer to him, turning Pete's attention back onto its original path.

Pete studied Rick for a moment, eyes narrowing above his cigarette. "Yeah, it is," Pete parodied, echoing Rick's earlier words. "Welcome to Alexandria, then."

Rick just nodded, repressing the rage rising in him, before setting off down the sidewalk again, almost forcing Alexis forwards, propelling her along. It was when they were out of sight of Jessie's house, that Alexis suddenly tore her arm out of Rick's, disappearing into the darkness, Rick running after her, grabbing the back of her jacket, forcing her to face him, the two of them then struggling for several moments, Alexis's back hitting wall, Rick restraining her by the wrists as she lashed out at him.

"Look at me!" Rick hissed. "Just look at me! I know about Pete, what he's doin', but I'm goin' to make it right, okay? I'm not goin' to let him hurt you or your family anymore."

Alexis instantly fell still, his words hitting her like body blows. "Why do you care?" she whispered, her eyes searching his face. "What does it matter to you?"

Rick exhaled sharply, finally letting go of her. "I... I don't know," he said, half turning away from her, finally abandoning all his arguments about protecting his people. It wasn't just about them, it was about Alexis, and he wasn't going to admit that, least of all to her.

"Then why... why are you risking everything?" Alexis stuttered through the tears now falling down her face. "You've got it made it here, walls, a roof over your kids' heads. Why are you putting that all on the line" -

\- "Why did you risk your neck for me and mine that day out on the road?" Rick fired at her, making her flinch. "Why did you not just walk on? Why did you bring us back here after I held a gun to your head?"

"Because I wanted to help" -

\- "And maybe I want to help you," Rick retorted.

"Then why not say that" -

\- "I'm saying it now, okay!" Rick snapped, starting to see red.

Alexis just stared at him, her lips trembling.

"Look, I've only been in this place for a few days," Rick said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, "and I'm already up to my neck in shit"- He half turned away from Alexis, scrunching up his eyes. "You people - you – you don't give anybody space, do you?" he said suddenly, rounding on her. "You're all walled up in here together, sick of seein' the same faces, so when we waltz in through your gates, you're all on us like a duck on a June bug. The whole lot of you need to back off" -

\- "Rick" -

\- "A few days ago I was sittin' by the roadside eatin' somebody's pet dog," Rick said from between gritted teeth, "and now I'm sittin' in somebody's kitchen, eatin' Philly Cheesesteak like I'm a regular Joe, with plates and cutlery and everythin'. It's the ultimate mindfuck, Alexis, and I can't – I can't deal with it, I just can't." He turned away from her again, feeling like he was going to take a heart attack, the tension hitting him like tidal waves.

"We're trying to build something here, Rick," Alexis said, her voice cracking, "and like I said before, I understand it's going to take time for you to wrap your head around Alexandria – that yeah, it is like La-La Land in here sometimes. But you have to see past the shit, that there's something of worth within these walls. You have to try, Rick" -

\- "You lied to me," Rick said, rounding on her again, "you brought me and my people back here on the pretence it was safe, when your brother-in-law, the only medical authority within these walls, is a woman beatin' bastard who batters his family to make him feel like a man. Maybe you think he isn't a danger to anyone else, that he wouldn't dare, but I've seen what men like him are capable of – nobody's safe from them" -

\- "You and your little redneck roomie roughed me up in that barn," Alexis spat, rounding on him this time, "plus you held a gun to my head, and threatened to kill me more times than I care to remember – you make Pete look like a walk in the park" -

\- "We're never gonna get past this, are we?" Rick said, startling her, remembering his argument with Jessie, how she'd aimed similar albeit accurate accusations at his head. "We're just gonna keep playin' the same broken record, about what I did, what you did, not gettin' anywhere."

Alexis bit her lip, before dropping her gaze to the ground, shifting from one foot to the other.

"You say you don't fit in here," Rick said, making her glance up at him, "that you don't like playin' house, implyin' that everyone in Alexandria is talkin' out of their ass, yet you stand there and say that _I_ have to try, that _I _have to see past the shit?"

"You know what, you're right," Alexis said tiredly, shaking back her hair, "that we haven't given you space. So this is _me_ giving you space, but only if you back off in turn. My sister's said she's leaving Pete, that she's done, so you don't need to play the hero, okay? Just – just leave us alone." And with that, she turned and left, Rick watching her fade into the night.

_I'm only human, I need a god  
To show me what we want when we fought  
From morning to dusk  
Our tears causing rust on all of our weapons…_


	21. This House Is Awake

**This House Is Awake**

_I'm bigger than my body__  
__I'm colder than this home__  
__I'm meaner than my demons__  
__I'm bigger than these bones…_

"Still no sign of these so called jobs," Carol said from between gritted teeth, straightening her shirt collar, before turning to Rick who was holding Judith against his shoulder, his eyes distant, face pale against the backdrop of his denim shirt. "Rick?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

Rick started, startled. "What?" he said, brow creasing.

"She's just using you as her favourite scratching pole," Carol smiled sweetly, "so that means she'll come back to claw you some more."

Rick just looked at her, before reluctantly grinning, half turning away from her. He'd returned back to the house last night, only to find Carol in the kitchen, doing what he'd already done, carrying out an inventory of the knives they could use as weapons, and he'd told her what had passed between him and Alexis, almost talking her ear off. Carol still classed Alexis as one of 'them', but all the same, she had listened to Rick rant on, pouring him the rest of the bourbon as she did, before sending him off to bed like he was a little boy.

"Glenn, you need to tuck your shirt in!" she called as he passed the doorway, making him flap an uncharacteristically filthy hand at her, Carol shaking her head at him in turn, mockingly ruing the decline in his personal standards. "You got the flowers?" she then fired at Rick, making him brandish the bouquet she had put together. "Good. Well, I'll go and get the casserole, then," she said smartly, going into the kitchen, where Tara and Noah were washing the breakfast plates. Tara held up her hand, Carol high-fiving her, before nodding at Noah as she picked up the covered casserole dish.

When she went back into the hall, it was only to almost walk smack-bang into Abraham, who just grumbled an apology at her, Rosita following him into the kitchen, rolling her eyes at Carol as she passed her. Trailing at their heels, was Eugene and Father Gabriel, Carol never able to just call him Gabriel. She smiled at them both, concealing her contempt, before making her way back into the living room, holding the casserole dish aloft like it was the Holy Grail.

"That smells delicious," Maggie said, coming through the opposite doorway, "what's the occasion?"

"Just to thank Jessie for lunch, yesterday," Carol said, not disclosing the truth, Rick also having told her about what had transpired between him and Jessie after lunch. The flowers and the casserole were a way of apologizing, Carol thinking it wise to try and pour oil onto troubled waters - for the time being anyways. Trouble was coming regardless, but it would be only to their advantage, not the Alexandrians.

"Have any of you seen Sasha?" Maggie then asked, making Rick and Carol shake their heads.

"I was just going to ask the same thing," Michonne said from the doorway, something in her face making Rick frown.

"Why?" he said, instantly on the alert, shifting Judith to his other arm.

"I'm just worried about Sasha's state of mind," Michonne said uneasily, coming over, smoothing back Judith's downy hair with a maternal hand, "she's acting erratically – you saw her that day back at the bridge – she went apeshit."

"I know," Rick said, exhaling sharply, "just – just keep an eye on her, then, yeah?"

Michonne nodded, before eying the bouquet and casserole, raising her eyebrows in silent question.

"For Jessie," Carol reiterated, "as a thank you for lunch yesterday."

"Still no signs of these jobs," Michonne then said, sitting down on the sofa, casting her eye around for Carl. "Where's the boy?" she asked, pulling out a can of Crazy Cheese, the sight making Rick do a double-take.

"He's gone out," Rick said, "and where the hell did you get that?" He jerked his head at the Crazy Cheese, remembering Carl's impromptu impersonation of Michonne consuming it, uncannily reminding him of a Walker eating entrails.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Michonne said coolly, before spraying it into her mouth, much to Judith's wide-eyed interest.

"I was wondering what the score was with these jobs as well," Carol said, patting her hair into place, "Deanna's up to something, methinks."

"Obviously," Rick said scornfully, making Maggie glance at him, "she's got us under observation, watchin' our every move. She needs us for somethin' – why else is she sendin' out scouts to bring people back? If she's gonna make Wonderland work, she needs muscle, people who have been out there, who know what it's like" -

\- "Okay, we get the point," Michonne said through a mouthful of Crazy Cheese, "don't make me come over there and knock you out with this can."

Rick rolled his eyes, Carol clipping him round the back of the head. "C'mon, kid," she said, bustling him through the door, "time to make tracks." They went out onto the porch, Judith trying in vain to reach for a crow pecking on the lawn, Daryl glancing up from where he was wrestling with his crossbow, eyes scrunching up at the sight of Carol's suddenly preppy dress-sense.

"You look ridiculous," he said, eyeing her snazzy jumper and smart grey slacks with disdain.

"Have you taken a shower yet, muffin?" Carol said, tilting her head to the side.

"Mmm," Daryl said noncommittally, returning his attention back to the crossbow, reminding Rick of a little boy trying to avoid a bath.

Carol narrowed her eyes. "Take a shower and I'll wash that vest," she said abruptly, "we need to keep up appearances, even you."

Daryl just grunted, Carol rolling her eyes, before setting off down the porch steps, Rick trailing after her, carrying Judith and the bouquet.

"I was becoming rather fond of that casserole dish he broke," Carol said more to herself than Rick, "but what else can I expect? The man wouldn't know good crockery if it did a strip-tease in front of him."

"He wrecked Jessie's best carpet," Rick reminded her, casually glancing around him, pretending not to be looking for Alexis.

"Talking of strip-teases, I missed Abraham's rendition," Carol said as if he hadn't spoken, "was it any good?"

"Why, thinking of stealin' him from Rosita?"

"No, but I've heard it was show-stopping," Carol said, "it's all Olivia and the others can talk about."

"You makin' friends, then?" Rick asked, both of them knowing what he really meant by that.

"The biggest bunch of prattling mortals I ever had the misfortune to come across," Carol said smartly, craning her neck, "but that will play to our advantage."

Rick nodded, jaw tightening. "What's on your schedule today?" he said quietly, slowing down at seeing Jessie and her youngest son on the porch up ahead.

"Cooking for the older people," Carol said, forcing a smile onto her face as she waved at Jessie, who came down the porch steps towards them, her son running back into the house, "moms that need a break, people that can't cook and - oh, I_ love_ your shirt!" she gushed, enclosing Jessie in a one-armed embrace, clutching the casserole dish in the other. "The colour goes so well with your eyes!"

Rick watched the pantomime play out, having to concede that Carol played her part very well. Without words, they'd reached the understanding she would be their eyes in Alexandria, acting the den mother, oh so harmless and homely, the type of woman who took pride in having a homecooked meal on the table for her husband when he came home from work.

"Rick," Jessie said shortly, folding her arms across her chest, the sun glinting off her gold hair as she stood on the sidewalk in front of him, Carol glancing at them over her shoulder as she went into the house, taking the casserole into the kitchen.

"I owe you an apology," he said abruptly, holding out the flowers to her, "for everythin' – and for your carpet as well."

Jessie hesitated, before taking the flowers. "It's... okay," she said, avoiding his eyes, "and – and for what it's worth, I'm sorry too. I... I said some harsh things, true but harsh."

Rick nodded, before exhaling sharply. "The situation with Pete" - he began, only for Jessie half turn away from him, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Look, you seem like a decent guy, Rick," Jessie said, struggling to keep her temper under control, "and I know you're a friend of Alex's, but my marriage is none of your business. Me and Pete have been talking and... and I have it under control." She looked at him, almost daring him to contradict her, but Rick schooled his face into blank lines, hiding his bitter amusement at her delusions.

"Good," he said, "glad to hear it." Jessie nodded, before turning and heading back into the house, Rick standing there, watching her go, his mouth curling downwards.

_And all the kids cried out__  
__"Please stop, you're scaring me"__  
__I can't help this awful energy__  
__Goddamn right, you should be scared of me__  
__Who is in control?_


	22. Don't Get Cut On My Edges

**Author's Note: **In response to** tomilynmaggart6**, the actress I use for Alexis is called Emilie De Ravin, she is best known for being in_ Lost_.

* * *

**Don't Get Cut On My Edges**

Alexis waved good-bye to Eric, before making her way down the sidewalk, Aaron's continued avoiding of her cutting her to the quick. They fought like cat and dog, but for all this, they had each other's backs. Yet in breaking rank, she had somehow broken something in their friendship. After Earle, she'd stopped going on recruiting trips, Aaron and Eric taking over instead. Aaron had suggested a few times she come out with them, but she'd never had the stomach for it since until now, only to walk headfirst into hell.

She had come through the flames though, bringing Rick and his people to safe harbour, but it had cost her Aaron. When Alexis had apparently disappeared into thin air, Aaron had been terrified, panic paralysing him, making him uncharacteristically lose the plot. The thought foremost on his mind was Earle; it wasn't irrational to think the man might still be alive, and Aaron had almost torn the place apart trying to track Alexis down, only to end up headfirst in his own hell, before Rick's people had returned Alexis to him, earning Aaron a punch in the face in the process. Therefore to say he was pissed off at Alexis was an understatement.

Deanna had now barred Alexis from recruiting altogether, meaning there was now a vacancy, Eric still laid up with his leg, the original reason why Alexis had resumed her old duties. But there would be no more recruiting trips for the time being, Deanna suspending the searches, having her hands full with Rick and his people. Yet even though Deanna was angry at what Alexis had done, at the same time, Alexis had delivered right into Deanna's hands what she wanted for Alexandria, people who had been out there, who would make sure Alexandria would survive.

"Yo, Alex, what's up?" Aidan called over to Alexis, jerking his chin at her.

Alexis's jaw tightened, all her old dislike for Aidan rising to the surface again. Whilst she'd once been close to Spencer, she couldn't say the same for his little brother, hating the avarice in his eyes every time he looked at her. "What's the score, bitch?" she said, coming over, her dislike increasing at seeing Nicholas beside him, his rat-like face and matching attitude getting on her last nerve, being the last word in cowards. Mikey was a good enough kid, but his father was a whole other story.

"We're waiting for some of your barbarian horde to show up," Aidan said arrogantly, "gonna show them the ropes."

"Supply runs?" Alexis hazarded, grateful to see Holly coming towards them, Holly raising her hand in their direction, her grey eyes narrowing at the sight of them standing there, instantly seeing the status quo.

"Yeah," Aidan answered, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Holly, "you should come with." As well as Alexis, Holly was classed as another jewel in Alexandria's crown, even if her pixie faced beauty paled next to Alexis's ethereal charms. But both girls were oddly unaware of their looks, their personalities taking precedence over everything else, completely lacking vanity. Holly had hacked off all her blonde hair, making it look like it had been attacked by a lawnmower, and could almost always be found with the construction crew, having built Alexandria's walls alongside Alexis, now focusing on expanding its perimeter.

"I don't know," Alexis said, shifting from one foot to another, Holly hanging back, sensing a storm was going down, knowing Alexis too well.

"Come on, Alex," Aidan mock whined, instantly setting Alexis's teeth on edge, "you're the one who brought those bozos back in the first place" -

\- "Don't call them bozos," Alexis flared up, her cheeks flushing angrily.

"Then what do you call him?" Aidan smirked, gesturing at Eugene who was skulking nearby, watching them. "Brad Pitt?"

"Fuck off," Alexis snapped as Eugene beat a hasty exit, observing he was being observed, "you're the epitome of bozo, Aidan."

Nicholas let out a low whistle, Holly looking uncomfortable. "Come on guys," she said, almost wringing the ends of her tattered checked shirt, "let's keep it friendly."

"Maybe you should take your own advice, Hols," Aidan said coolly, "I heard you bawling my big brother out last night."

Holly looked away, the tips of her ears turning red. She'd wasted a lot of time on Spencer Monroe, but he'd refused to make their fooling around together official in Alexandria by going public about their so called relationship, and so sick of being his bit on the side, she'd kicked him to the kerb. But it hadn't stopped her from continuing to hook up with him, leading to further fights, only for Spencer to seduce her all over again.

"Wassup?" Tara said, coming up the side of them, offering her fist to Alexis whilst discreetly checking out Holly, admiring her uneven hair.

"Do people even say that anymore?" Alexis said, slightly startled, fist-bumping Tara almost automatically.

"I'm bringing it back, baby," Tara said deadpan, eying Alexis's long golden limbs with approval, her frayed denim shorts showcasing them to their best advantage.

"Hey," Glenn said, joining them, Noah nodding at everyone, "what's going down?"

"Yo," Aidan acknowledged, puffing out his chest for their benefit.

"Yo," Glenn said slowly, brow furrowing slightly, exchanging a pointed glance with Tara.

"So we've got Glenn, Tara and Noah," Aidan said loftily, pointing at each of them in turn instead. "This is Holly and Nicholas, who you met pulling gate duty, and Alex you already know."

Glenn just nodded, brow furrowing further.

"So I hear you've got experience doing supply runs," Aidan said, almost squaring up to Glenn, "could teach us a few tricks, huh?" He elbowed Nicholas, who just grinned, looking more rat-like than ever.

"I've seen your pantry," Glenn said coolly, "you guys seem to do pretty well."

"Well, I had some training before this," Aidan said, unbending a little, "R.O.T.C. Was nearing Lieutenant when this shit blew in."

"My dad did R.O.T.C," Noah said, speaking up for the first time.

"He didn't make it?" Aidan asked, acting almost human now.

Noah shook his head, looking away.

"Sorry," Aidan said, sounding like he meant it for once. "I'm sorry for a lot nowadays," he continued, his old arrogance returning as he set off down the sidewalk, the others following him, "but let's get this show on the road, huh? Take on that terrain outside our fair walls, see what you guys got..."

As he prattled on, sounding like a prick, Alexis slowed down, letting the others get ahead, grabbing Holly's arm as she did. "You seriously going out there with them?" she hissed, startling Holly. "Nicholas nearly got you killed!"

"And you as well," Holly reminded her, "which is why somebody's got to make sure they don't get the Nicholas treatment," she finished, jerking her head at Glenn and the others, Glenn glancing over his shoulder at them, brow furrowing again.

Alexis exhaled sharply, before letting of Holly, and chasing after Aidan. "Hey," she said, making them all slow to a stop, "I'll come, okay? But just let me check out my gun" -

\- "Sure sugar," Aidan drawled, cutting across her, making Nicholas snigger. "Take your sweet time, sweet thing."

Alexis set off for the armoury, ignoring Aidan, Holly falling into step beside her. "Dickhead," Alexis muttered under her breath, falling into her favourite habit of insulting Aidan.

"Douche bag."

"Bozo."

"Already said that."

"Asswipe."

"Classic if not imaginative."

"How about a jumped up little Mama's boy who still sleeps with his teddy bear?" Alexis offered, only to start violently as Rick spoke from behind her.

"I hope you're not talkin' about me," Rick said, eyes narrowing slightly.

"No, your taste runs to Raggedy Anns," Alexis countered, recovering herself, "deep down there's a little girl in a frilly dress just dying to be let out."

"You did say I'd win pageants," Rick said coolly.

"And I am Holly," Holly hastily interjected, holding out her hand to him.

"Rick," Rick said, taking it, "Rick Grimes."

"Cool," Holly said, enthusiastically shaking his hand, "Rick Grimes. I like that."

Alexis rolled her eyes, before striding ahead and stalking into Olivia's office, leaving Holly to it, the other girl having a thing for blue-eyed boys. "Hey," she said abruptly to Olivia, "I'm going out on a supply run."

"You got permission for that?" Olivia said, startling Alexis.

"Damn Deanna's permission! She can't stop me from going outside the gate" -

\- "I'd like to see her try," Rick said from behind Alexis again, making her whirl around. "It's okay," he said to Olivia, "Alexis is showin' my people what the score is in regards how you do your supply runs. I suspect our styles may differ slightly." He smiled at Olivia, the epitome of Southern charm, Holly's tongue practically hanging out her mouth.

"In that case..." Olivia said uneasily, dazzled into defeat, still not sure if Alexis had Deanna's permission or not, but too overwhelmed by Rick to oppose anything he said.

Alexis signed out her gun, taking her machete for good measure, shooting Rick a sidelong glance as she left the armoury, Holly following her.

"Hot damn, that's Rick the Prick?" Holly said in disbelief.

"Trust me, he acts like one," Alexis snapped, "so don't be suckered by his good ole Southern boy act."

_It's fine if you're hateful__  
__As long as all in all you remain grateful…_


	23. The Company We Keep

**The Company We Keep **

When Alexis and Holly came back over, Nicholas was handing round weapons to Glenn and the others, deeming the guns 'sweet-ass biscuits', Alexis not missing the way Glenn and Tara looked at each other again at this, whilst wondering why they hadn't signed out their own weapons.

"Got your gun, Lexie?" Aidan fired at Alexis, Spencer's sobriquet for her sitting ill on his lips.

"Yeah," Alexis said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"You want me really," Aidan smirked, reading her face like a book, making Nicholas snigger on cue again.

"No, I really don't," Alexis muttered.

"Come on troops," Aidan said, ignoring Alexis now, "let's get this show on the road." To Alexis's relief, Aidan didn't speak again until they were outwith shouting distance of Alexandria's walls, more focused on making sure their way was clear of roamers. "Mom's making plans on expanding our borders," he said, noticing Tara glancing over her shoulder at Alexandria's rooftops just visible beyond the walls, "though Holly probably knows more than I do on the subject."

"I definitely know more, sonny boy," Holly said, rolling her eyes, unable to resist the urge like Alexis, "especially since I'm going to be building that perimeter with my own pretty paws."

"Don't you fancy getting your hands dirty again, Alex?" Aidan aimed at Alexis. "You impressed even my dad with your DIY skills."

"Maybe," Alexis said, glancing around her, "it would make a change from doing dye jobs."

"Yeah, Mom's getting a bit edgy about her grey streaks," Aidan said, shouldering his rifle higher, "maybe you should take a look at them."

"So how do you plan out your supply runs?" Glenn asked Nicholas, changing the subject, not missing the way Aidan kept goading Alexis.

"We're increasing the radius mile by mile," Nicholas said self-importantly, "spreading in a semi-circle around the town – we've made it fifty three miles out so far."

"Slow down," Alexis suddenly admonished, seeing the way Noah was limping.

"If you can't handle the heat, keep out of the kitchen," Aidan sing-songed, striding ahead, "now when we step outside our vehicles, we break into two groups. When shit hits, we fire a flare. Group comes and gets the other" -

\- "Or they do a Nicholas and run," Alexis muttered under her breath, making Glenn glance sharply at her.

"Good system," Noah said, missing this bit of byplay.

"It is," Aidan acknowledged loftily, "still, you're only standing here because we lost four people last month" -

\- "And who's fault was that, I wonder?" Alexis drawled, rounding on Aidan.

"If you've got something to say, Alex, just spit it out," Aidan snapped, "instead of trying to undermine my authority" -

\- "_Your _authority?" Alexis scoffed. "Don't make me laugh" -

\- "Look, I know I'm a douche bag," Aidan said tiredly, making Holly turn a laugh into a cough, remembering her earlier conversation with Alexis, "that I can be a hard-ass, but somebody's gotta call the ball around here, and that someone is me. If you're on this crew, you do exactly as I say" -

\- "Hey, it's gone!" Nicholas exclaimed, startling everyone but Aidan.

"What's gone?" Tara asked, confused.

"We got one of the dead-heads who killed our people," Nicholas said, gesturing to a tree up ahead, "strung it up like a fucking piñata."

"Are you nuts, Nicholas!?" Holly said in disbelief.

"How can we expect someone like you to understand?" Nicholas flared up. "You weren't there" -

\- "Wait up," Holly said, " 'someone like me?' What the hell is that meant to mean? I'm out there every goddamn day, breaking my back to make sure those walls you hide behind stay standing. And yeah, I do understand actually, since I was on the original supply run crew until you nearly got us all ripped apart. The only reason you've not been struck off is because Mamma's boy here covered for you"-

\- "Calm the fuck down!" Aidan yelled, silencing Holly. "This isn't the time to start bitching at each other! Save it for the beauty parlour, people!" He strode ahead, pulling out his gun as he moved, Alexis exchanging a look with Holly before following, both girls drawing out their machetes, Glenn and the others hard on their heels, their own weapons at the ready.

As they reached the tree the roamer had been hung from, Alexis raising an eyebrow at the bloodstained chains, Nicholas suddenly let out a loud high pitched wolf-whistle, making Tara whirl around, face furious. "What the hell are you playing at?" she hissed, glancing wildly around her, only to reel back as a roamer suddenly appeared behind Aidan.

"Shit fuck!" Alexis bellowed, lunging forwards, raising her machete as she moved. But as she drew level with it, ready to sink the blade into its skull, Nicholas barged her aside, a rope of chain clanking behind him, Aidan sidestepping the roamer, trying to grab its arms from behind.

"Stay back!" Aidan ordered. "This bastard's mine!"

"Are you insane!?" Holly yelled, only to scream as another roamer suddenly blindsided her, nearly sinking its teeth into her arm, Glenn barrelling into it from behind, knocking it to the ground, Noah hastily kneeling and stabbing it through the back of its head.

Aidan finally managed to grab the roamer's arms from behind, Alexis circling him, not sure how to stop this insanity, Nicholas trying and failing to tie it up, Tara gunning down another two roamers emerging from the brush. "Just kill it!" she shouted, taking down another three in quick succession, Alexis turning wildly on the spot, losing her head.

Just as Tara spoke, the roamer's arms ripped free from Aidan's grip, wherein it lunged at Nicholas, who dived to the side, screaming like a girl, leaving Alexis exposed, whirling around, almost reacting too late, grabbing it by the throat just as its teeth went for her own. Tara rushed over to her, trying to drag it back, its skin peeling off in her hands, only for Glenn to rush up the side of them, plunging his knife into the side of its head.

Alexis staggered back, her crop top splattered with blood, Noah and Holly taking down another two walkers nearby, Glenn raising his gun and finishing off the final third. And then it was over, a shocked silence descending, Nicholas cringing on the ground, Aidan just standing there, mouth hanging stupidly open.

"What the hell!" Holly screamed, shoving him hard in the chest. "You nearly got us all killed – again!"

"No, that was fucking Nicholas last time," Alexis spat. "Seems like you've got a pretender to your throne, Nicky," she said, kicking up the leaves near his face, making him flinch.

"I told you all to stay back!" Aidan yelled, returning back to life. "I told you to obey every damn word I said!"

"I'm not gonna fucking sign my own suicide note by listening to you, jackass!" Holly snapped, shoving him again, only for Aidan to explode, suddenly knocking her onto her ass.

"Hey!" Glenn shouted, marching right up to him. "Keep your damn hands to yourself!"

"And you keep your gook nose out of my business," Aidan spat as Alexis helped Holly to her feet, "if you know what's good for you."

A terrible silence followed in the wake of his words, even Nicholas looking uneasy. "I'm done with this," Glenn then said, shaking his head, "come on guys." Everyone else but Alexis, Aidan and Nicholas made to leave, Glenn glancing at Alexis, only for her to signal him to go on. Hesitating, he then left, the others following him, Holly hanging back, Alexis motioning her to go as well, Holly reluctantly obeying. Alexis turned to Aidan, her dislike now hatred, her eyes full of contempt, making him involuntarily take a step back.

"Gook?" she hissed, stowing her machete away. "Where the _fuck _did that come from?"

"I didn't mean it" -

\- "Well, I mean this," Alexis said, now nose to nose with him, "if I hear that racist rhetoric from you one more time, I'll knock _you _onto your ass" - Before he could react, she shoved him, knocking him over, right into the pile of bloody limbs that was the roamer he'd tried to catch, covering his clothes in gore, his hand plunging into its intestines. "Y'know, they say you can always tell a man by the company he keeps," Alexis said smartly, before turning on her heel and leaving Aidan to stew in his own shit.

_Hey, there, what you doing?__  
__Would you like a little company?__  
__Hey man, how you doing?__  
__Would you like to sit next to me?_


	24. This Town Was Meant For Passing Through

**This Town Was Meant For Passing Through**

"What the hell are you doing out here?" Alexis said in disbelief, making Carl whirl around, his face colouring hotly at being caught sneaking out.

"Back off," he said, recovering himself, "you're not my mother."

"I don't think I'm old enough for starters," Alexis retorted, "now what's the story, cowboy?"

Carl just ignored Alexis, heading back in the direction of the gate, Alexis taking off after him, not believing what she was seeing. Even though she was more aware of the world outwith the walls than the average Alexandrian resident, she was still naïve enough to believe that a teenage boy was incapable of surviving out here for more than five minutes, even if the evidence proving otherwise was standing right in front of her. The ratio was simple, he was a child, she was the adult, and that meant making sure he reached the gate alive.

"Wait up!" Alexis hissed, pulling out her machete as she moved. "You're going to get yourself goddamn killed!"

"I can handle myself," Carl fired over his shoulder at her.

"I don't think so," Alexis spat, "now get your spotty ass back here!"

Carl slowed to a stop, his lips twitching despite himself. "I said I can handle myself," he said almost reasonably. "My dad made sure I could."

"Why are you out here?" Alexis demanded, dismissing these pieces of trivia.

Carl studied her for a moment, instantly deciding on the spot not to tell her about Enid, sensing she would throw a fit. After seeing Enid climb the wall, Carl following her into the surrounding woods, only for her to seemingly disappear into thin air, Carl had felt an odd calm descend upon him, that the walls weren't caging him in anymore. He wasn't going to allow Alexis to take that from him. "You aren't what I thought you were," he said quietly, startling her. "You're... more."

Alexis had a sudden flashback to the barn, when Carl had handed her the spoon, pity in his eyes for her plight. "More or less, I don't care," she spat, "now get your ass into gear!"

Carl eyed her blood-splattered appearance with mild interest before turning and continuing his trek in the direction of the gate. "Walkers?" he said as Alexis fell into step beside him.

"We call them roamers," Alexis said, "but yeah, there was a run-in."

Carl just nodded, the next few minutes passing in silence, only for him to freeze at the sight of his father up ahead, Alexis stumbling to a stop beside him. "Dad?" Carl said, stepping forwards.

"What are you doin' out here?" Rick asked, only for his head to snap up at the sound of Walkers, three of them rounding the side of the ruined house. "With me!" he ordered, pulling out his knife, Carl his machete, Alexis nervously following their example, remembering how she'd screwed up minutes earlier with the others.

As the Walkers drew level, Rick slammed his shoulder into one, knocking it back, giving him time to grab it and sink his knife into its skull. Carl shoved the other one onto the floor, Alexis grabbing the other's throat, both of them simultaneously stabbing their targets through the side of the head. But just as Alexis thought it was over, suddenly there were Walkers everywhere, and she was fighting like she'd never fought before, taking her frustration out on the undead, imagining each one was Aidan, Pete, Earle, battling back and winning when all she'd done was lose before.

"Alex," Rick said, grabbing her arm, making her whirl around. "Whoa!" he said, holding up his hands. "It's okay, it's me, it's over."

They just stared at one another, and then Rick almost fell over, a dead hand gripping his ankle, a Walker emerging from beneath the pile of rubbish behind him, using Rick almost like a rope to drag itself out from beneath the debris. Jaw tightening, Alexis went over and sank her boot into its skull, spewing blood and brain matter over the scrapheap.

"Thanks," Rick said deadpan, but as Carl came over, father and son looked at each other, Alexis observing the grim triumph, almost enjoyment in their eyes, before realising their emotion echoed her own, finding assuagement of ills in the execution.

* * *

Alexis was the first through the gate, just in time to see the fight starting, Glenn and Aidan squaring off to each other, Tara and the others watching, half amused, half affronted. Various residents of Alexandria were coming over, sensing the circus had come to town, Pamela and her partisans posing on the nearest porch, feigning fear.

"Look, we've got a way of doing things around here," Aidan was arguing, stooping down so he was on Glenn's eye-level, right in his face, "so you fall into line or we're gonna fall out" -

\- "You tie up Walkers," Glenn retorted, refusing to be intimidated, "and that sort of shit is just going to end up getting more people killed" -

\- "No, it's your attitude problem that's gonna do that" -

\- "Why don't you just shut that shit-hole you call a mouth, Aidan?" Alexis said in exasperation, making Aidan whirl around, face furious.

"Why don't you stop being such a prick tease?" Aidan hissed, making Alexis pale. "Flaunting yourself in front of everyone – Earle knew exactly what you were, and look where that led him, fucking exile" -

Alexis's fist collided with his face, the surprising force sending him flying backwards, Alexis staggering forwards, losing her balance. But before she could react, Aidan was suddenly on top of her, the two of them struggling, Alexis losing complete control, Aidan doing the same, only for Glenn to grab Aidan from behind, Nicholas abruptly blindsiding them both, Daryl throwing himself into the thick of the fray, rugby-tackling Nicholas up into the air and flinging him to the ground, shaking him like the rat he so resembled.

"Save it for your brother-in-law," Rick hissed in Alexis's ear, hauling her back, Michonne dragging Daryl off Nicholas. Alexis just stared at him, feeling like she'd fallen a thousand feet, her breath coming in ragged gasps, Rick staring back at her, looking at her like he'd never seen her before, his gaze searching her face as if he could find the answer there.

"What the _hell_ is going on here!?" Deanna bellowed, advancing on them, everybody from Alexandria falling back, even Alexis.

Aidan straightened up, trying to recover his cool. "Alexis tried to kick my ass," he said coldly, rubbing his jaw with a rueful hand, "and her new buddies are refusing to toe the line."

"Your people are hanging up Walkers like piñatas," Glenn said to Deanna, stepping forwards, "putting themselves and everyone else in danger."

"Is this true?" Deanna said, rounding on Aidan.

"It killed _our _people, Mom," Aidan said in disbelief, "it was payback" -

\- "Just go, Aidan," Deanna said firmly, "we'll continue this conversation in private."

Aidan just stared at her, unable to believe what he was hearing. "What the hell did you bring them back here for, Alex?" he fired at Alexis, making her flinch. "And why did you let them in, Mom?" he aimed at his mother before leaving, Nicholas following him, head bowed.

Deanna watched him go, her jaw tightening. "I want everyone to hear me, okay," she called out, glancing around at everybody, "Rick... Rick and his people are part of this community now, in all ways, as equals." She glanced at Alexis, seeing her shocked face, bitterly amused at the spectacle. Deanna had dreams for Alexandria, but she wasn't the fool some believed her to be. She needed people who make her dreams a reality, and these people couldn't be found within the walls of Alexandria, but outwith them. Alexis had found them for her, and now Deanna was ready to make her decision, publicly announcing her intentions.

* * *

"Take a seat," Deanna indicated, Rick and Michonne hesitating before sitting down on Deanna's favourite couch, remembering the last time they'd been here, the camera rolling, Deanna assuming her favourite David Attenborough attitude.

Alexis slunk over to the windowsill, Daryl loping at her heels, the two of them suddenly silent allies, both of them bracing themselves for the shit-storm ahead. Alexis sat down, Daryl standing, glancing around him, eying the shelves of books with bitter eyes. This wasn't his world, and he didn't want to be here, his disgust as plain to read on his face as tracks in the forest. He glanced down at Alexis, only to see Beth, the glint of her gold hair deliberately deceiving his heart into seeing only what it wanted to see, Alexis glancing up at him in turn, her blue gaze hitting him like a blow, shattering the illusion.

"What you lookin' at?" he muttered, turning away from her, but not before Alexis saw the rare softness in his face, showing another side of Daryl she didn't think could exist, sending a sudden pang of guilt through her. She'd told Olivia and Jessie to be careful around Rick and his people, implying they were animals, not to be trusted, even as she'd been the one to set them loose amongst civilization, but she knew now that the only difference between the Alexandrians and those from outside were the walls dividing them, that underneath it all, they were all the same.

"I said I had jobs for you," Deanna said, pouring herself a whisky, "so I would like you to be our constable," she said, turning to Rick, decanter in hand. "That's what you were, and that's what you are."

Rick just looked at her, brow furrowing slightly, the corners of his lips turning downwards almost mockingly.

"And you too, Michonne," Deanna continued, turning to her. "Will you accept?"

But as Michonne fervently said yes, Rick stood up, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops. "Why?" he said, brow furrowing further.

Deanna appraised him for a moment, before setting the decanter down. "Because Alexandria needs you and your people," she said simply, "but I waited and watched to see if _you _need Alexandria, and I believe that you do." She glanced over at Alexis, who met her gaze head-on, blue eyes becoming deliberately blank. "So do you accept the status quo?" Deanna said, turning back to Rick, spreading her hands wide in almost supplication. "Will you uphold and implement our laws?"

Rick exhaled sharply, before nodding, thinking of his family, his children, how they deserved a life better than what lay outside those walls. But as he too glanced at Alexis, his thoughts turned to Pete, and the threat he presented, making his jaw tighten. Yet he had the tools now to take down Pete from the inside, using Deanna's own laws against her. He correctly suspected Deanna was aware of what Pete was doing, that living as they all did, enclosed together, that nothing was missed, every breath and blink of the eye observed by a literally captive audience.

"I accept," he said abruptly, and then he was making for the door, Michonne standing up, shaking Deanna's hand before following Rick out into the hallway.

Deanna stood there, watching Michonne close the door behind her, not liking being so desultorily dismissed, but she recovered herself, turning to Alexis and Daryl, not missing the mutually mutinous expression in their eyes. "I'll keep it brief," she said abruptly, "which I'm sure you're secretly grateful for. Alexis, if you have problems with my sons, keep your hands to yourself and come to me instead. And Daryl... I've been speaking to some people about finding a job for you, but as of now, I haven't decided yet where to place you."

Daryl just shrugged his shoulders, Alexis looking down at her folded hands. "Can we go now?" Daryl growled, unconsciously including Alexis in his sentence.

Deanna gestured to the door, the pair making a wild break for it, acting like kids escaping school. "_I_ don't need you," Deanna said quietly, before picking up her glass of whisky and going over to the window, studying the church spire. "But _they _do," she whispered, her grip tightening on the glass, holding onto all she had left as Alexandria slipped through her fingers.

_But you always hold your head up high__  
__Cause it's a long, long, long way down__  
__This town was meant for passing through__  
__But it ain't nothing new__  
__Now go and show them__  
__That the world stayed round__  
__But it's a long, long, long way down…_


	25. Under Lock & Key

**Under Lock &amp; Key**

"Hey."

Alexis glanced up from her hands, startled to see Rick, having hidden behind Deanna's house, nursing her bruised knuckles, the pain now making itself felt as her anger at Aidan faded, leaving a dazed shock in its place. "Hey," she said uneasily, hastily hiding her hands behind her back.

"That was some right hook," Rick said, quiet amusement making his blue eyes twinkle uncharacteristically.

"Don't," Alexis said, turning away from him, only for Rick to grab her arm, forcing her to face him.

"Hey," he repeated quietly, "it's okay."

"Yeah, everything is oakly-doakly," Alexis snapped, "perfectly peachy."

"Can I see your hand?" Rick said abruptly, startling her again.

"No," Alexis said pettishly.

"Why not?"

"Because it's my hand," Alexis retorted. "Now go and arrest someone."

"Officer Grimes," Rick said wryly, letting go of her, "never thought I would hear that again."

Alexis just dropped her gaze to the ground, feeling like a recalcitrant schoolgirl. Dealing with Deanna always made her feel like that, like some truculent teenager.

"Let me see your hand," Rick said again, making Alexis glance up at him. Exhaling sharply, she held her hand up, Rick taking it, turning it over, before examining her reddened knuckles, raising an eyebrow at how swollen they were.

"I can get Denise to take a look at it," Alexis explained tiredly, "she went to medical school before switching to psychiatry."

Rick just nodded, hiding his interest at Alexis's information. Without a word, he held her gaze as he pressed his lips to her knuckles, before letting go, Alexis watching him turn and leave, her heart thudding strangely in her chest, ignoring the warning of its drumbeat.

_You're looking for a way out, I can feel it__  
__Come on, show me where it hurts, maybe I can heal it__  
__Your feelings are your own, now you keep them under lock and key__  
__You've got me driving through the streets for an answer to the mystery…_

* * *

Rick came up the porch steps, his new shoes squeaking as he moved, making him wince slightly. Daryl exhaled a long column of smoke, before tipping his ash over the side of the railing, eyes narrowing into slits. "So you're a cop again?" he said gruffly, glancing at Rick's new uniform.

Rick rammed his hands into the pockets of his black bomber jacket, shoulders hunching slightly, feeling like a fool. It was like playing dress-up. But this wasn't a game, this was life and death, and Deanna didn't seem to grasp that the old world was extinct and a new order existed. "Just tryin' it on for size," he said awkwardly, looking up as Carol came out onto the porch, quietly closing the kitchen door behind her.

"I heard about your promotion," she said, taking in Rick's new appearance with a swift assessing glance, "so does that mean we're staying?"

Rick's eyes narrowed, taking on a distant expression. "I... I think we can start sleepin' in our own homes," he said slowly, his thoughts unwillingly turning to Alexis, "settle in, start puttin' down roots."

Carol studied him for a long moment. "This sudden desire for domesticity doesn't have anything to do with a certain blonde, does it?" she said suddenly, folding her arms across her chest.

"If you're talkin' about Alexis, no," Rick said from between gritted teeth. "I just think it's time we put the past behind us. We can start again here, build a life for Carl and Judith, for all of us."

"But if we get comfortable here," Carol said quietly, "if we allow ourselves to be seduced by so called civilization, this place is going to make us weak."

"Carl said that," Rick said tiredly, "but it's not gonna happen." He walked over to the porch railing, before staring out at the silent street, his face hardening. "We won't get weak," he said, turning to face Carol, "that isn't in us anymore. We'll make it work. If they can't make it, then we'll just take this place."

"Will you take Alexis as well?" Carol said, raising an eyebrow. "Claim her as the spoils of war? This isn't as clear-cut as you're making out, Rick. You're getting too involved" -

Rick just strode into the house, not wanting to hear Carol's words, knowing them to be true. As the door slammed shut behind him, Carol stood there for a long moment, before suddenly kicking the wall in frustration, Daryl taking a long draw from his cigarette, eyes narrowing into slits again as he appraised her.

"You shouldn't keep goadin' him about the girl," Daryl said quietly, exhaling his smoke sideways. "Guy's lonely, and his kids need a mom. Mebbe you should back off a bit."

Carol ran her hand down her face, before exhaling sharply. "I know," she said, sitting down on the top porch step, "but this place is a house of cards just waiting to fall down. Rick has to have his head in the game, not up in the clouds. Alexis is distracting him" -

\- "Mebbe he needs that kind of distraction," Daryl reiterated, "hell, mebbe you do as well. Ain't none of Alexandria's bachelors caught your eye yet?"

"You know none of them can match up to you, Pookie," Carol pretended to pout, blowing him a kiss.

Daryl just looked at her before snorting. "Yeah, God broke the mould when he made me," he said dryly, picking up his crossbow before heading back into the house.

* * *

"Oh."

Alexis glanced up from her bowl of spaghetti bolognese, only to see Aaron standing in the doorway, Eric setting down his fork, looking nervous. "This is awkward," Alexis said lightly, ignoring her throbbing hand. She hadn't gone to see Denise after all, not seeing the point. She'd suffered worse at Pete's hands, her black eye the tip of the iceberg. Instead, she'd just taken some Tylenol, Eric applying an ice pack to her bruised knuckles, shaking his head all the while at this new turn of events.

"Awkward is an understatement," Aaron said dryly, coming over to the kitchen table, before sitting down across from Eric, pulling his own bowl of now cold spaghetti bolognese towards him. He had taken to avoiding meal-times, only eating after Alexis had left, unable to bear the prospect of facing her; still angry at what she'd did, even as he reluctantly understood why.

"You don't need to avoid me in your own home, Aaron," Alexis pointed out, hiding her intense relief that he was speaking to her again.

"I heard you went outside again," Aaron said abruptly, ignoring Eric's warning glance.

"Deanna might bar me from recruiting but she can't stop me from going outside the gate," Alexis snapped, both of them silently aware nobody could stop Deanna from barring Alexis altogether.

"I also heard that you knocked Aidan down on his ass," Aaron continued acerbically.

"Twice."

"What, once wasn't enough?" Aaron exploded. "Are you insane, Alex? You should be trying to keep a low profile, not rocking the boat any further than you are already!"

"Maybe we need someone to speak out, to stand up," Eric said quietly. "There's too much being swept under the table – you said that yourself, Aaron."

Aaron bowed his head. "I know," he said, exhaling sharply, "but I didn't say it had to be Alex."

"Why not?" Alexis flared up. "I can't think of anyone better qualified than me" -

\- "Because I don't want you banished, okay!?" Aaron exploded. "If Deanna tries that trick, I'm gonna have to do something about it, but I don't want to drag Eric into that kind of shit-storm, especially with his leg. He wouldn't last two minutes out there. I want to keep him safe. You too, Alex, so don't make me choose."

Alexis bit her lip, battling the tears springing to her eyes. "Fine, I won't," she said, her voice cracking, "if it goes down, it goes down. Don't get involved, Aaron."

"Nothing is going to go down," Eric said firmly, "I think we're all getting a bit carried away with ourselves."

Aaron's jaw tightened, but he didn't say anymore, focusing on eating his spaghetti bolognese with falsely fervent enthusiasm.

"What's going to happen to the recruiting?" Alexis then asked, making Aaron tense up.

"We... we talked about it again," Aaron said uneasily, "and Deanna's came off her high horse. She says she'll think about starting it up again."

"You'll need a recruiter, then."

"Alex" -

\- "I don't mean me," Alexis said tiredly, "I mean someone else."

"What, you have somebody in mind?" Aaron said, exchanging a glance with Eric

"I was thinking about Daryl from Rick's group," Alexis said, tracing a pattern on the table with her finger, "the guy with the crossbow; Deanna's always on a downer towards him – like she thinks he has no place here. But... but he does, y'know? Yet you can see he's good at being out _there_, and I think it would be good for him to be able to go out there, but to have a purpose for coming back _here_ at the same time. If he was helping you, it would solve the recruiting problem, plus it would get Deanna off Daryl's back."

"And yours as well," Aaron said dryly. "I also heard she hauled you and Daryl into her humble abode for a telling off."

Alexis just stuck her tongue out at him before taking her empty bowl over to the draining board. "So will you consider it?" she said smartly, setting it down.

"I think I will," Aaron said thoughtfully, brow furrowing. "Maybe you're onto something, Alex."

"Didn't I always say I was more than a pretty face?" Alexis said sarcastically, before turning and leaving the kitchen.


	26. Sticks & Stones

**Sticks &amp; Stones**

_Once in a lifetime, the suffering of fools__  
__To find our way home, to break in these bones…_

The next morning saw Jessie standing on Eric's doorstep, arms folded across her chest, tapping her foot impatiently. In Alexandrian time, it was the weekend, but whilst there was no school, it didn't mean the work stopped. Deanna had dropped by Jessie's house the evening before, asking if she and Olivia would do another inventory of basic essentials of the pantry, since with a slew of extra mouths to feed, they would need to rethink their supply runs and loot in bulk. Deanna had also requested Jessie enlisted Alexis's help, hinting that she might put Alexis to work in the pantry full-time, something that made Jessie feel uneasy, knowing her sister too well, that she wouldn't take too kindly to being imprisoned with Olivia.

"Jessie," Eric beamed as he opened the door, "how are you?"

"I'm good," Jessie said tensely, thinking of the fight she'd had with Pete last night. Pulling together the last remnants of her courage, she'd told him that this was his last chance, and for a moment, she'd thought he was going to hit her, but instead he'd just turned and left the room, heading out to sit on the porch again like he did night after night, drinking himself into a stupor.

"And the boys?" Eric asked, ushering her inside, clutching his crutch for support.

"They're doing well," Jessie said, relaxing slightly, "Ron's still top of his class."

Eric just nodded and smiled, the two of them glancing up as Alexis descended the stairs, wearing ripped jeans and a white t-shirt. Even without make-up and fancy clothes, she was still striking to look at, Jessie thinking not for the first time she should paint her sister, to try and immortalize that unearthly beauty. The end of the world hadn't touched her at all, but beneath the beautiful surface, her soul was scarred.

"Alex," Jessie said, folding her arms across her chest.

"What is it?" Alexis said, slowing to a stop.

"You've to come with me to the pantry," Jessie said abruptly, no standing on ceremony. "Deanna wants us and Olivia to do another inventory of the basics. With Rick's group, we need to reassess our stock-taking" -

\- "Okay, I'll come with," Alexis snapped, "you don't need to boss me into doing your dirty work."

"I can do my own dirty work," Jessie snapped back, tidying Alexis's hair, making her sister jerk her head back. "Now get moving, we've got a lot of stuff to sort out."

"I'm not a baby," Alexis whined as they left the house, Jessie and Eric exchanging eye-rolls behind her back.

"You are to me," Jessie said lightly, "now stop whinging." After their mother had died, it had just been their father, Jessie and Alexis, Jessie more or less raising Alexis, their father teaching them how to take care of themselves and not much else. As far as he was concerned, all they needed to know was how to hold their drink and throw a punch, things like periods and boys below his attention. It always made Alexis wonder if this was what made Jessie fall for somebody like Pete, and how'd she'd become so disastrously entangled with Earle, because their father hadn't taught them what a good man was.

As they went past Rick's house, it was only to see him standing on the porch with Judith balanced on his hip, his eyes distant as he studied the soaring blue sky overhead. "Nice uniform," Jessie called over, giving him the thumbs up, her attitude towards him having mellowed considerably after his apology.

Rick grinned, waving back, his gaze becoming automatically drawn to Alexis, who nodded at him, Rick nodding back, watching her until she was out of sight, Alexis all too aware of his blue gaze burning into her back.

"I spoke to Pete last night," Jessie said suddenly, startling Alexis, "I said this was his last chance."

"What did he do?" Alexis demanded, searching her sister's face for marks.

"Nothing," Jessie said tiredly, "he just went out on the porch. I... I think he realises this is it. This might be the turning point of our marriage."

Alexis just shook her head, unable to believe what she was hearing. She remembered the early days of Jessie and Pete, how madly in love they were until her sister had fallen pregnant with Ron. With a baby on the way, the fairy-tale was over and the pair had to face up to reality, Jessie doing so willingly, Pete less so. He'd started drinking, unable to apparently cope with the pressure of his new found responsibilities as a husband and father. He held down his job, but only just, and then the violence had started, beginning with Pete trashing everything they owned, from their house to the car, then Jessie, Alexis, then the children, even attacking Jessie when she was pregnant.

"He wanted to change before, Alex," Jessie argued, "and with the right help, he did. He can do it again. Things are different now."

"You said you would leave him" -

\- "And I will if he starts up his shit again," Jessie snapped, pushing the hair out of her face, "this is his last chance."

"You keep saying that, Jess," Alexis said, fists clenching in frustration. "It's like listening to a broken record."

Jessie just strode ahead, refusing to listen anymore. She knew Alexis was right, but she tried to convince herself that her sister was wrong, that she didn't understand, and how could she? Alexis had barely dated as a teenager and then as an adult, drifting through life and a procession of dead-end jobs, utterly lacking in ambition. But despite this, Alexis had been different back then, open and warm, strikingly without self-consciousness, even if she appeared to hold herself apart from the rest of the world at times. Yet it still came down to the fact Alexis couldn't understand Jessie's predicament; she wasn't a wife and mother, and she would probably never would be, her experience with Earle having crushed what little confidence she had in men.

As Alexis followed Jessie into the pantry, Olivia startled them by falling out of the armoury, face flushed. "You're starting the weekend early, aren't you?" Jessie joked, making Alexis roll her eyes.

"I need a stiff drink," Olivia exclaimed, fanning herself. "I woke up this morning with this terrible feeling I'd left the door unlocked. I rushed right over here" -

\- "Hey," Alexis said to Sasha as she stalked through the doorway, abruptly cutting across Olivia, "how are you?"

Sasha just looked at her like she'd sprung an extra head. "I want to check out my weapon," she snapped, turning to Olivia.

"Why?" Olivia asked curiously.

"I'm going out hunting," Sasha said abruptly.

"Oh!" Olivia squeaked, heading back into the armoury, immediately perking up. "If you happen to bag a boar while you're out there, can I have a leg?"

Sasha just stared at her, Jessie heading back into the pantry, beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable around Sasha, sensing she was like a powder keg ready to go off, reminding her of Pete.

"It's to make a prosciutto," Olivia explained, exchanging a glance with Alexis, who was playing about with the door handle. "I used to cure meats in my basement before the world went to waste," she continued, her voice cracking slightly at the memory of her old life, "I made some _kick-ass _pickles too."

"Sure Olivia," Sasha said, looking at Olivia like she was mad.

"Here, I'll get the gate," Alexis said hastily as Sasha then left the armoury, seeing a chance to escape doing inventory, even if it was only for five minutes.

They walked in silence, Sasha striding ahead, forcing Alexis to run, making her feel like a fool. She got to the gate first, high-fiving Holly who was on pulling-gate duty, before unlocking it and sliding it open, Sasha slipping through the gap without a backwards glance. But just as Alexis made to shut it, she heard somebody shout from behind her, making her and Holly turn around, only to see Rick accompanied by Daryl and Carol.

"Hold your horses," Daryl said gruffly, "we's takin' a stroll."

"Why?" Alexis asked suspiciously.

"I'm huntin', girl," Daryl snapped. "Do I need you to write me a hall pass?"

"No," Alexis snapped back, affronted. "I was just asking."

"Well, it can get pretty hairy out there," Holly said worriedly, glancing at Carol in her prim floral cardigan and frilly lace collar.

"Carol's a bit nervous around guns," Rick said coolly, stepping into the fray, "she's got good technique but the mental block's stoppin' her from uppin' her game, especially when she's out there, just freezes. I think it's best she get over this, that she practice gettin' her head in the game."

"That's a bit harsh," Holly said, taken aback. "She doesn't need to be out there anymore, not now."

"I want to be able to take care of myself," Carol said, her voice shaking slightly, "I know a little but not enough."

"You have your weapons?" Holly asked, looking even more worried now.

"Jessie checked them out for us," Carol tried to smile bravely. "Your sister is so helpful," she gushed to Alexis, who could only grimace back.

"I don't feel right about this," Holly said, shaking her head, "it's like sending a lamb out to the slaughter. Plus, I don't really see the need."

"Don't worry, I have Rick to protect me," Carol said, clasping Rick's shoulder, smiling fondly upon him, "and since he's been protecting me from the start, I think I'm in good hands. You might even say he's my guardian angel."

"Well, I think it's very brave of you to want to learn how to take care of yourself," Holly said, talking to Carol like she was a two year old. "But remember, you're safe now."

Carol just smiled, before suddenly hugging Holly who laughed and hugged her back. "Sorry," Carol said, apparently overcome with emotion, "I just never thought we'd find nice people again."

They left after that, Carol turning and waving at the two girls, fluttering her fingers like a fool. Rick took one last look at Alexis, almost absentmindedly thinking she looked angelic in white, before getting a grip of himself.

"I'm your guardian angel?" he snapped at Carol.

"You was layin' it on a bit thick," Daryl added, shooting Carol a sideways glance.

"Yeah, well they were asking too many questions," Carol said coldly, straightening her collar. It was until they were some distance from the walls, that they spoke again, picking up the threads of the plan they'd come up with last night in the kitchen, Rick having cooled down enough from Carol's comments about Alexis to come back and sit down to talk about strategy. He'd meant every word he'd said on the porch about taking Alexandria for their own, but he'd stressed at the same time only if it was absolutely necessary, Carol resisting the urge to roll her eyes, knowing Alexis was the reason for Rick's uncharacteristic holding back.

"So what do you think?" Rick asked, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops. "You all still up for hittin' the armoury?"

"I'll go in when it's empty," Carol said, glancing around her.

"But it's locked up at night" -

\- "The window has just a latch," Carol said, shrugging her shoulders, "I can leave it open. And anyways, you heard Olivia, how she thought she'd left the door unlocked last night. They're idiots."

"What happens though if one of those pricks shuts the window?" Daryl interjected.

"Hey," Rick admonished, suddenly angry. "Watch your mouth."

Daryl's jaw tightened, but he held his tongue, knowing that despite Rick's denials, the blonde piece of work that was the Pantry Princess's precious baby sister had Rick whipped good and proper. He might have defended Rick's interest in Alexis, but he still thought Rick was a fool to lose his head over a piece of tail he barely knew. Yet in a way he understood, and the thought made him suddenly turn away, the chasm that was his heart suddenly cracking into existence again.

"Well, we wait a couple of days, leave it open again," Carol said as though that solved everything, hiding her annoyance at Rick's reaction to Daryl's words. She wanted Rick to be happy, and she knew this desire was overtly influencing her, making her waver towards Alexis on occasion, humouring Rick at times whilst upbraiding him over Alexis at others.

"Well, we need to do it sooner or later before they start gettin' suspicious," Rick said, examining his cuffs.

"Your Alexis is already starting to ask questions," Carol pointed out acerbically.

"She's just sharpenin' her claws," Rick said coolly, "just like you said."

Carol folded her arms across her chest, raising her eyebrows.

"We might need the guns, we might not," Rick said tiredly. "We only make our move if they make theirs."

"We still need the guns, no matter what way it goes."

"Well, they're the luckiest damn people I've ever seen," Rick said, shaking his head, "and they just keep gettin' luckier."

"How's that?" Daryl asked curiously.

"We're here now," Rick said without a shred of arrogance.

"Alexis must feel like she's won the lottery, then," Carol said smartly, before turning and leaving, Daryl scoffing before heading off into the woods.


	27. The Trouble With You

**Author's Note:** A trailer for _As The World Falls Down _can be found on Youtube under **_girlinashipwreck _**or **'as the world falls down' the walking dead (alexis oc) fanfiction trailer**.

* * *

**The Trouble With You**

"Nice," Michonne said, glancing at Rick's get-up as she set down her sword, Rick doing a mock twirl, making Michonne wolf-whistle in exaggerated appreciation.

"I know I'm smokin' hot," Rick said sarcastically, closing the door behind him, "you don't need to tell me."

"Maybe I do," Michonne said mock suggestively, her face then suddenly becoming serious. "This is it, then?" she said, gesturing to their matching uniforms. "We're staying?"

"I s'pose we're sealin' the deal," Rick said wryly, sitting down on the window-ledge, "becomin' the bearers of law and order, the keepers of the keys."

Michonne nodded, studying her sword for a long moment, before half turning away from Rick, brown eyes suddenly becoming unreadable, Rick unable to work out their expression, whether she agreed or disagreed with his decision.

"I don't know if this is some kind of play," he said uneasily, fiddling with his cuff, "handin' authority to strangers, or if they're just bein' idiots."

"I don't know if it's for us or for them," Michonne said slowly, "or if Deanna's trying to get rid of the concept of 'us and them' by putting these jackets on me and you - to have the people see it, ours and theirs. You heard what she said, how she waited to see if _we _needed Alexandria. She said in front of everyone that we were equals, that there was no distinction between those within the walls or outwith them."

"Deanna's a politician first and foremost," Rick said quietly, "she needs all the votes she can get, whether from those outside or inside the walls, but most of all she needs _us_. To keep this kind of place standin' requires a certain... expertise."

"What, we're heavies for hire?" Michonne said, raising an eyebrow.

Rick plucked at the front of his bomber jacket. "Yeah, he said bluntly, "just look at us."

"Maybe I don't like what I see."

"Neither do I, but the payoff isn't bad, is it?" he said, exhaling sharply. "We have food and shelter and security. As long as there's no bullshit, I'll uphold my end of the deal." _Until I deal with Pete_, he silently added, hiding his brutal resolve under a bland face, Michonne studying him like she had her sword, almost like she was trying to see through his facade.

"This is a deal, then?" she said, hiding her hope at his words. In her eyes, they desperately needed this place, not just for what it could give them materially, but for what it represented, that they could claw back something of the old world.

"We're stayin'," Rick said simply.

* * *

"Auntie Alex! Auntie Alex!"

Alexis turned around, the sound of Sam's excited voice grating on her ears slightly, the sheer volume of it almost deafening her. "Hey up, little man," she said, hastily hiding her annoyance, only for Sam to nearly knock her over, flinging his arms around her waist, Alexis wrapping her arm around his shoulders, steadying both of them. "Where's the fire, short stuff?" she said, ruffling up his hair, affection replacing irritation. "You look like you've got somewhere to be."

"I seen Buttons!" Sam said, looking up at her, eyes shining. "He ran past the gate again!"

"Really?" Alexis said, every inch of her suddenly alert.

"Mister Aaron went out after him," Sam babbled, "maybe he'll catch him this time!"

"Maybe _I'll _catch him this time," Alexis said, ruffling up his hair again, before detaching his arms from around her waist. "Run and tell your mom," she said. "I've got some horse-wrangling to do."

"Yes sir," Sam said smartly, saluting her, before taking off in the direction of home, Alexis watching him go, her heart twisting in her chest, because his home wasn't her home, not anymore.

Turning on her heel, she headed in the direction of the armoury, glad she was done with the extreme inventory Deanna had ordered, not knowing Deanna had her name down for pantry detail, Jessie choosing to withhold this little fact, warning Olivia to do the same, Olivia obeying, knowing how Alexis would react.

But as she stepped through the doorway, it was only to come face to face with Pete, the sight making her come to an abrupt stop, her heart stilling at the same time. Pete raised his eyebrows mockingly at her, enjoying the sight of her suddenly white face, a prelude to the payback he owed her for interfering in his private affairs. His marriage was none of her business, yet time after time she stuck her nose in where it wasn't wanted whilst living off his largesse and under his roof.

"Just who I wanted to see," he said abruptly, grabbing her arm, "I've got a bone to pick with you."

Before Alexis could do anything, he hauled her through the doorway and into the pantry, Olivia whirling around, her eyes widening behind her glasses. Pete shot her a warning glance, Olivia hurriedly making her escape, determinedly ignoring the way Pete was almost twisting Alexis's arm up her back.

"I heard you knocked down Aidan Monroe," he said, looming over Alexis, "pot calling kettle black, eh?"

"Let me go," Alexis hissed, trying and failing to stand her ground, fear threatening to overwhelm her.

Pete grinned down at her, relishing destroying the domestic peace of the pantry, taking back control over Alexis again. She had to learn her place, the spinster sister spoiling the connubial sanctity of his home and hearth. "I heard you hurt your hand," he said, feigning concern, glancing down at her scraped knuckles, "you should have let me take a look at it instead of suffering" -

\- "I've suffered enough at your hands," Alexis spat, yanking her arm out of his grip, painfully jerking it in the process, "and so has my family" -

\- "Your family happens to be_ my_ family," Pete spat back, stooping down so he was eye to eye with Alexis, "something you seem to keep making a deliberate point of forgetting." His gaze bored into Alexis's, forcing her to look away, glancing at the ground instead. "You've been pouring poison in my precious wife's ear – she says she's going to walk if I don't toe the line, that she'll take my children away from me – _my _children!" he yelled in her face, making Alexis flinch, his words striking her like blows. "You don't seem to understand that I'm _trying_, Alexis," he said, lowering his voice, his breath brushing her ear almost intimately, "that I'm struggling here – you don't know what it's like, Alexis, to be" -

\- "To be what?" Rick said, rounding the corner, face thoughtful, Pete starting violently, eyes almost bulging.

Pete stared at him, taking in Rick's constable uniform, fists clenching by his sides. "To be misunderstood," he said through gritted teeth. the words being wrung from him.

"We've all been there, buddy," Rick said casually, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops, an almost sympathetic smile playing on his lips, but his eyes were like ice, cutting right through Pete who nodded awkwardly, not sure where he stood, before turning and leaving, barging aside Olivia who was bobbing nervously back and forth in the doorway, Alexis realising Olivia hadn't abandoned her after all.

"You okay?" Rick asked quietly, almost looming over Alexis, forcing her to look up at him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Alexis said smartly, before stalking past him, not wanting him see the fear scored on her soul.

_Tired of fighting you__  
__Seems like everything I do__  
__Even when I win, I lose with you, man__  
__And it's not something you choose__  
__You say trouble follows you__  
__It's been like that since the day you began…_

* * *

"GODDAMN SHOW YOURSELf!" Daryl bellowed, rounding on Alexis, raising his crossbow as he moved. For the past ten minutes, he'd been aware he wasn't alone, feeling eyes on him, someone or something unseen following him through the trees, Daryl reluctantly deigning to give them the chance to reveal themselves, characteristically reacting violently when they didn't.

"You really have to stop doing that," Alexis said tiredly, stepping forwards, gesturing to his crossbow. She'd fled the walls for the woods outside, still feeling Pete's fingers digging into her arm, trying to force herself to forget, knowing she couldn't and wouldn't.

"Well stop fuckin' stalkin' me, then," Daryl snapped, lowering his crossbow, "save that shit for Rick."

To his reluctant admiration, Alexis didn't lose her composure, neither blushing or acting insulted by the insinuation. The only sign his words had made an impact was by the faint tightening of her jaw, but other than that, she appeared outwardly unaffected, belying the storm brewing beneath her still surface.

Glaring at her, Daryl set off amongst the trees once more, only to hear Alexis's soft footfall behind him, making him whirl around again. "What part of piss off don't you understand!?" he spat, jabbing his finger in her face.

"What part of stop getting your frilly panties in a twist, don't _you _understand?" Alexis said coldly, some subconscious part of her understanding Daryl's defensive attitude to be just that, a defence against the rest of the world.

"What the hell you doin' out here anyways?" Daryl demanded, ignoring her insult, looming over her instead. "SHOW ME YOUR ASS!" he suddenly yelled, startling Alexis, whirling around for the umpteenth time, crossbow raised once more.

"You can tell the difference between Walkers and humans by sound?" Aaron said as he emerged from behind a tree, hands raised in mock surrender. "Can you tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy though?" he added lightly. "Rick doesn't seem to be an expert on that particular subject."

Daryl just looked at him, lips curling downwards. "Ain't much of a difference no more," he growled, eyes narrowing into slits.

"Maybe there is," Aaron said quietly.

Again, Daryl just looked at him, face scornful.

Aaron turned to Alexis, seeing Daryl was a dead end. "Alex," he said, inclining his head at her.

"Aaron," Alexis acknowledged just as formally.

Daryl rolled his eyes before stalking ahead, Aaron and Alexis exchanging glances before following, forming an unlikely three. "Keep up and keep quiet," Daryl hissed over his shoulder at them, not knowing why they were following him, and not caring either, only knowing it didn't look like he would be getting rid of them any time soon.

Aaron just nodded and smiled, studying the stitched angel's wings on the back of Daryl's leather vest, remembering Alexis's suggestion from last night, seeing the potential she had seen. Daryl obviously belonged out here, almost like he was made for this world, but there was something buried deep down in Daryl that most people passed over, Aaron observing when others didn't.

They walked in silence for the next ten minutes, Daryl glancing down at the ground now and again, looking over his shoulder at Aaron and Alexis as he did, brow furrowing. "A horse?" he finally spat, gesturing to the hoof tracks on the dirt path with a filthy hand.

"Obviously," Alexis said sarcastically. Any fool could see a horse had passed through here, it didn't take a tracker to see that.

"Buttons to be precise," Aaron said, speaking up.

"Buttons my ass," Daryl scoffed, striding ahead.


	28. Mills & Horses

**Mills &amp; Horses**

Rick paced the floor, hands behind his back, face doubtful. "So what are our duties?" he asked with a shrug of his shoulder.

"You protect and serve," Deanna declaimed with an elegant flourish of her hand, "you patrol – walk the walls, watch out for the kids. If there's a conflict, solve it. People will listen to you."

"Because we're wearing windbreakers?" Michonne said, raising an eyebrow.

"Because they believe in _this_," Deanna smiled, patting Jessie's arm as she went past, bearing a tray of cold beverages and biscuits. "Because _I'm_ telling them to."

"And when Deanna tells you to do something, you _do_ it," Jessie joked, setting the tray down, the sunlight streaming through the window glinting off her gold hair, reminding Rick of Alexis, making him shift uncomfortably on the spot.

Maggie smiled, ever the diplomat, Michonne taking a tumbler of iced lemonade, Deanna sitting down, motioning Jessie to take a seat beside her.

"This was a policeman's house," Deanna explained, gesturing around them, "so I appropriated the uniforms."

"Waste not, want not," Jessie said lightly, picking up a chocolate cookie. "Mmm," she said, delicately nibbling on it, "Sam would love these."

"I'll be sure to send some over for him," Deanna said, patting Jessie's arm again, her maternal attitude making Rick's hackles rise. He knew she knew what was happening behind closed doors to Jessie and her family, but she let it happen for the sake of the greater good, endangering innocent lives in exchange for others, Pete playing on his position as the only medical authority within Alexandria's walls to perhaps literally get away with murder.

"So you have plans for Alexandria, then?" Maggie said, folding her hands in front of her, paving the way for Deanna to launch into her favourite theme. Deanna had appointed her to act as a sort of liaison between the newcomers and residents of Alexandria, having taken a liking to Maggie's frank face and direct green gaze, so Maggie had started spending most of her time dogging Deanna's footsteps, showing an earnest attitude to learn that Deanna appreciated.

"There's going to be a government here, one day," Deanna said seriously, "a police force, everything that was lost during the Turn. I see a vibrant community here, somewhere we can raise our children, teaching them to take the past and turn it into the present in order to build a future for themselves within these walls. Industry, commerce, civilization - _real lives_." She smiled round at them all, Jessie looking like she was going to burst into fervent applause, making Rick's lips twitch with bitter amusement. "What?" Deanna said sharply, making him glance down at her. "Does it sound like pie in the sky to you?"

"It might be mills and horses, but we all have to begin somewhere," Jessie said, shooting Rick a reproving glance, earning herself yet another fond pat from Deanna. As Deanna began to hold forth again, Rick raised his eyebrows at Jessie, not having put her down as somebody to brook bullshit, remembering the dressing down she'd given him after the ill-fated lunch. She raised an eyebrow back at him, reminding him of Alexis again, and he looked away, pretending to be suddenly interested in the shining crowns of his boots, uncomfortably aware he was wearing dead man's shoes.

* * *

Daryl drew to a halt, battering aside a low hanging branch as he emerged into the clearing, the sight of the black horse slowing him to a stop, his grey eyes narrowing against the glare of the sun. Alexis and Aaron followed him, flanking him on either side, watching Buttons throw back his head, his mane rippling across his back like ebony fire, making sudden tears spring to Alexis's eyes at how something so beautiful could still exist out here, involuntarily remembering the first glimpse she'd got of Rick and his group spread out in a line as they staggered towards her, the row of roamers trailing at their heels, the living and the dead indistinguishable from one another.

"We've been trying to catch him for a month or so now," Aaron said quietly, making Daryl glance over at him, "Alexis almost earning a kick in the head for her pains."

"Shame he didn't," Daryl said dryly, "might have knocked some sense into her."

"Don't worry, somebody else tried to," Alexis spat, gesturing to her black eye, making Daryl study her for a long moment, eyes narrowing even further.

"Want me to knock the shit out of them?" he said suddenly, shouldering his crossbow higher. Like Rick, he hadn't believed Alexis's bullshit about walking into a door, but it hadn't been something he'd dwelt upon.

Alexis stared at him, before shaking her head, Aaron clearing his throat, thinking this conversation had continued far enough, edging too close to dangerous territory. Without a word, he stepped forwards, taking out a coil of rope from his backpack as he moved, Daryl hesitating before halting him, motioning for Aaron to hand the rope over to him.

Aaron obeyed, brow furrowing, gesturing for Alexis to stay back as Daryl approached Buttons, sensing he might succeed where they'd failed, realising that the horse and Daryl were cut from the same cloth; that the longer they were out here, the more they became what they really were. But this might be the day both horse and man were brought back from the brink.

"That's right, just keep on eatin'," Daryl said quietly as he drew closer, the horse tossing its head back before bending down and beginning to chew some grass. "I ain't gonna hurt ya." He edged even closer, the horse too intent on eating to escape. "You used to be somebody's, huh?" he said softly, uncoiling the rope. "Now you're just yours..."

* * *

Rick led the way along the inside of the walls, Deanna, Michonne, Maggie and Jessie following him, Sam holding his mother's hand, having ran up to them, babbling about a black horse called Buttons running past the gate again. Deanna had ruffled up his hair, before stooping down and saying conspiratorially she had chocolate chip cookies and she would send some over to his house, sending Sam into childish paroxysms of glee in turn. It was almost more than Rick could stand, and he forced himself to focus on the matter at hand, extolling at length about the security measures he had in mind for Alexandria.

"We need a constant patrol along the walls," he said seriously, his eye oddly catching Jessie's for a moment, "not just lookin' for damage – anybody could climb in from outside. You can move right up the supports - it's what I would do." He held Deanna's gaze for a long moment, taking some grim satisfaction from the shocked look on her face, not letting on that it was one of her own who was breaching the barriers, Enid inadvertently enlightening him on this form of exit and entrance after Carl had confided in him about following her over the wall.

"What, people are the real threat now?" Jessie said astutely, shielding her eyes with the back of her hand.

Rick just looked at her, the expression in her eyes striking a nerve, and she glanced down at the ground instead, her face hardening, knowing what his look implied, people translating into Pete, the threat too close to home.

"Look, I know you think we should all be armed within the walls, but it's not happening," Deanna said, shaking her head, uncharacteristically missing this bit of byplay between Rick and Jessie.

Rick scrunched up his eyes, feigning to think about it. "Okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "if you make these changes I'm askin' for, we won't need to carry weapons within the walls." _Yet_, he silently added, glancing up as Sasha came striding over to them, brown eyes almost wild. "Sasha," he said lightly, "how can I help you?"

"I was wanting to speak to Deanna about taking up sentry position in the clock tower," she explained, turning to Deanna as she spoke, Maggie, Rick and Michonne exchanging glances behind her back, Maggie and Michonne worried, Rick watchful. "I want to be a look-out," she said, putting it into layman's terms for Deanna's benefit, "for as many shifts as possible."

"There are no look-outs in the clock tower," Deanna said, confused.

Rick did a double-take. "What!?" he hissed, nostrils flaring.

"We saw some up there earlier," Michonne said, brow furrowing.

"Spencer mans it sometimes, but not often," Jessie said slowly, smoothing back Sam's brown hair, "otherwise, it's only an empty rifle up there for show."

Rick half turned away from her, rage contorting his features at their stupidity, Jessie spontaneously grabbing his arm, Rick reacting like she'd just burned him, making her abruptly let go.

"Look, there's no need for these kind of measures," Jessie tried to say reasonably, Deanna nodding in fervent agreement, even as she looked taken aback at Rick's virulent reaction. "There's never been the need" -

\- "We need a look-out in that tower, _now_," Rick said, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "Twenty-four seven" -

\- "It's the only way to see if someone's coming at us," Michonne interjected hurriedly, seeking to reassure, only to cause further alarm, Jessie and Deanna looking horrified, Sam clinging to his mother's leg, eyes wide with terror.

"I'll go and start," Sasha said abruptly, not bothering to wait for permission, turning and leaving, her head held high, every step suddenly full of purpose.

"Sasha's one of our best shots," Maggie said smoothly, speaking up for the first time, patting Deanna's arm, mimicking her mentor, pouring oil on troubled waters. "You're in good hands."

Deanna just nodded, face grim, obviously not liking being outmaneuvered. "Now business has been dealt with," she said abruptly, tucking her hair behind her ear, "I want to invite you all to a welcome party I'm holding in your honour at my house tonight. I know Jessie got the jump on me," she smiled at Jessie, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "but I want to make your induction into Alexandria official. So how about it?" It was issued almost as a challenge, one Rick accepted with a brusque nod of his head, laying down the gauntlet.

_We hope you enjoy your stay__  
__Outside the sun is shining__  
__It seems like heaven ain't far away…_


	29. Weeds Or Wildflowers

**Weeds Or Wildflowers**

_I've lived enough to know the battle's never through_  
_you pass something down, no matter where or how  
will there be weeds or wildflowers affixed upon your bows..._

Rick strode down the sidewalk, fists thrust into the pockets of his police uniform, shoulders hunched. Again, the walls of Alexandria were beginning to feel like they were closing in on him, the stupidity of its civilians getting on his last nerve, making him wonder exactly how the hell they'd survived so far. Sasha was now up in the look-out, but even if Rick supposed it was better late than never, it just served to show how much work had to be done to alter Alexandria in order to ensure its survival.

"Here's my hunk," Pamela said, straightening up from where she was posing on the porch, the other women tittering into their glasses. On the porch opposite, was Carol and what Pamela called the smug marrieds and merry widows, deliberately separating themselves from the divorcees and perennial débutantes, society belles that would never see sixteen again. "Yoo-hoo, handsome!" she called, waggling her fingers at Rick, who glanced up, startled.

"Such a smart uniform," Dana almost heckled, the other women calling out in a chorus of exaggerated appreciation.

Rick recovered himself, putting on his public face, sweeping his audience a mock bow, secretly feeling like a fool, Pamela blowing him a kiss, Rick pretending to catch it and putting it into his pocket.

"I think I have to save Rick from his fan club," Carol said in an undertone to her own clique, making a ripple of genteel laughter ring around the porch.

"If you need anything else, hit me up, girl," one of the women said, patting Carol on the arm as she got up to leave.

"Thank you," Carol smiled warmly, before sashaying down the steps, waving at Tobin as he strode past, one of the residents she'd run into on her rounds, Tobin nodding in acknowledgement, ducking his head to hide his burning cheeks.

"I think you've made a hit there," Rick said in a low voice, glancing over at Tobin with mild interest, noting his powerful build and capable hands, the exterior at odds with the interior, Tobin coming across as shy and strangely pliable.

"How can he resist?" Carol said dryly, fluttering her fingers at Pamela and her posse, who just turned their backs on her, drawing the line in the sand.

"What were you and your girl gang gossipin' about, then?" Rick asked, running his hand down the side of his face. "You all looked like you were plottin' somethin' serious."

"Mashed lima beans, cocoa powder and a little sweetener," Carol reeled off, "a recipe concocted to satisfy capricious appetites during the apocalypse. Full of protein and fills you up."

"Sounds delicious," Rick said darkly. "You heard about Deanna's shin-dig?" he asked abruptly, ramming his fists further into his pockets.

"Deanna issued me a personal invitation," Carol said, patting her hair into place, the pantomime not fooling Rick one whit. "You going?"

"We're all goin'," Rick corrected her, "gotta keep up appearances, remember?"

Carol nodded, secretly relieved he agreed with following her example. "So tonight, then?" she said quietly.

"The armoury's right next to Deanna's," Rick said just as quietly, "I'll back you up."

"Just don't make it obvious," Carol warned, "and don't get distracted by Alexis, okay?"

"Why are you always on a downer about Alexis?" Rick suddenly snapped, her words striking a sore spot. "What she ever done to you?"

"I'm not against Alexis," Carol said, exhaling sharply, "I just... I just don't want you getting hurt, okay?"

"And you want me to keep my head in the game as well, don't you?" Rick said astutely, touched by her admission against his will, sensing her words to be sincere.

"That as well," Carol said, "but I mean it, Rick. I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye, but I think we've got past all that, haven't we?"

Rick stared into the distance, before patting her shoulder. "Yeah," he said softly, before turning and heading into the house, reasoning it was best she didn't discover he was going to ask Alexis to Deanna's welcome party.

* * *

Alexis took a step back, feeling a quiet sense of satisfaction, she and Aaron exchanging smiles as Daryl awkwardly fended Sam's million questions, Deanna, Jessie and Maggie admiring Buttons newly installed in his stall, the horse tossing its head impatiently. Daryl had managed to do what nobody else in Alexandria had been able to, securing and leading Buttons back to Alexandria, Holly opening the gate with wide eyes.

One of the bigger houses near the back of Alexandria had a stable attached to its extensive grounds, along with all the requisite equipment and supplies, all nearly brand new or never used, making Alexis uneasily wonder if they had just brought Buttons back to his old abode, the horse either escaping or his former owner letting him loose as the world fell apart. It would explain why he'd kept running past the gate, remembering his former life, drawing him back time and time again.

Daryl's shoulders were now hunched up to his ears, not liking the amount of attention he was receiving, just wanting to be left alone. But at the same time, the perverse part of him secretly liked the way everyone was looking at him with almost awe, like he mattered and meant something. Hiding his unease, he muttered something about a cigarette before stalking out of the stable, Deanna watching him go, her gaze contemplative.

"Would you mind if I helped out here?" Maggie asked Deanna, making the older woman turn around to face her. "My family used to keep horses before the Turn," she explained, glancing over at Buttons with longing, "I miss it, y'know?"

"Sure," Deanna agreed, "Daryl as well, if he wanted to. It might be a way... to reach him."

"Daryl's a good man," Maggie said quietly, "you just need to give him time."

Deanna nodded, her face thoughtful before turning to Buttons again. "Caring for this creature will help bring the community closer together," she said to Maggie in an undertone, "I want to ensure we use this opportunity to do so."

"Maybe we can organize an outin' for the kids to come here," Maggie suggested, "but under strict supervision of course. Buttons is a bit brisk, so maybe give him time to settle in before lettin' the kids loose on him."

"Can we see him?" Ron asked from behind them, making everybody glance up, only to see him and Enid standing hand in hand in the doorway.

"Just don't get too close," Jessie warned, drawing Sam back, the little boy's eyes wide with rapt worship as he gazed at the horse.

"You're a big beast, aren't you?" Ron said under his breath, ignoring his mother's warning as he approached the stall, the horse edging away from him, breath coming in abrupt bursts, ears twitching back.

"Hey," Enid snapped, yanking him back by the arm. "Give him space."

"Okay," Ron said, holding up his hands, rolling his eyes. "I'll give him space. Jeesh, calm down."

Enid just narrowed her eyes at him, Alexis stepping forwards and into the fray. "Yeah, back off, Ron," she said to her nephew, "he's been out there for a while. It's gonna take time for him to get used to being in here."

"I get it," Ron snapped, "so get off my back, Alex. You're not my mother."

Alexis just shook her head at him before turning and leaving, Aaron intercepting Deanna as she made to follow Alexis, wanting to speak to her about Daryl working as a recruiter, having not missed the way Deanna had looked at Daryl, as if she had never seen him before, Aaron wanting to exploit this interlude for the benefit of everyone.

As Alexis went past Daryl, he nodded at her, the gesture brusque, almost offhand, Alexis nodding back, sensing something had shifted in the balance between them. Making her way to Aaron and Eric's house, she slowed down at seeing Spencer on the porch, her brow furrowing, not understanding why he would be here.

"Hey," she said, coming up the steps, "what's up?"

"Nothing much," Spencer said, ramming his hands into his pockets, "just thought I'd drop by and say hi."

Alexis just looked at him, still not understanding, whilst half registering not for the first time how pretty Spencer was, the epitome of the romantic hero, looking like he'd stepped out of a Calvin Klein advert in his tight white t-shirt and jeans. But it was a beauty that left her cold, even liking Spencer as she had.

"You heard about the party my mom is holding?" Spencer said awkwardly, not liking the way Alexis was looking at him, like he was wasting her time. Normally the women within Alexandria's walls would look at him like he was their every desire come to life, but not Alexis. Yet deep down this was what drew him to Alexis, that she could see past the pretty front and to who he was inside.

"Yeah," Alexis said uneasily. Deanna's parties were always accompanied by automatically open invitations, everybody welcome to attend or not, but Deanna had an uncomfortable trick of personally inviting people who were her pets, making them feel like they were on some secret VIP list, creating an undercurrent of an 'us and them' atmosphere. Alexis had been one of Deanna's pets, but that was before, and this was now, Deanna deliberately making a point of personally inviting people in front of Alexis, including Jessie and Sam, almost ignoring Alexis as if she didn't exist.

"Are you going then?" Spencer asked, leaning against the porch railing.

"No."

"Oh," Spencer said, wrongfooted.

"What's it to you?" Alexis asked, shifting from one foot to the other. She and Spencer had been good friends once, but as she'd drifted from Deanna, so she had from Spencer, not realising the rift between her and Spencer had begun and ended with Earle, Spencer almost insanely jealous of the other man, even after his exile.

"I was going to ask you to come with me to the party," Spencer said, startling Alexis.

There was a long drawn out silence, Alexis glancing down at the ground, wishing it would open up and swallow her whole, Spencer staring at her expectantly, probably waiting for the part where she fell at his feet. "What about Holly?" Alexis said quietly, knowing what his words entailed, what he wanted for and from her, to stop defying Deanna and allow him to bring her back into the fold, uniting Deanna's desires with his own.

"What about Holly?" Spencer snapped. "Me and her are over, Alex. It would never have worked out in the first place. We're too different."

"What, you're a spoilt little rich boy still tied to your mama's apron strings and she's from the projects without a trust fund to her name?" Alexis said abruptly. "None of that matters now, Spencer, and it never did. Holly's nuts about you, and I think you feel the same way, except you haven't got the balls to admit it. That's why you keep going back to her, because you can't let her go."

Spencer exhaled sharply, turning away from Alexis. He didn't care to examine his heart too closely in regards to Holly, but he knew Alexis was right, that Holly meant more to him than he would admit. But his mother had expectations, and Holly didn't meet them. Despite Deanna's plans to build an inclusive society, they didn't extend to her own family. Only the best would do for her boys and Holly with her hacked off hair and Brooklyn burr didn't cut it. Alexis might be odd and unpredictable, with a bohemian background, but she had breeding and beauty that Deanna approved of, her family well-educated and cultured, all evidence of bloodlines that put Holly's to shame.

"Just go, Spencer," Alexis said tiredly, "and we'll forget we had this conversation, okay?"

* * *

Rick ran up the porch steps, his heart thudding hard in his chest, making him feel like he was back in high school again. With Carl reading a comic book and Judith taking her afternoon nap, Rick had seized the chance to go and speak to Alexis about allowing him to escort her to the party. What would come after that, he didn't know, only knowing he was crossing a line now, finally admitting he was interested in Alexis, the knowledge making him feel like he was standing on the edge of a precipice.

Taking a deep breath, he rapped on the back door, shoulders hunching as he glanced about him, the palms of his hands sweating. There was a silence, and then the sound of footsteps, Eric then opening the door, looking surprised at seeing Rick on the doorstep.

"Hi," he said, "how can I help you? You've not come to arrest me, have you?"

Rick studied Eric, not missing the bitter note in his voice, sensing Eric was expecting judgement over his relationship with Aaron. "I was actually wantin' to speak with Alexis if she's about," Rick said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sure, she's up in her room," Eric said, gesturing for Rick to come in. "First door on the left, second floor."

Rick nodded, before going into the kitchen, Eric closing the door behind him. "You have a beautiful home," Rick said in honest admiration as Eric limped ahead, leading the way to the sweeping staircase, various vehicular number-plates lining the walls.

"Thanks," Eric said with an embarrassed smile, relaxing slightly, "I'm a nesting freak. IKEA is my idea of heaven."

Rick cracked a grin before going up the steps, taking two at a time, his heart almost bursting out his chest, wondering at himself over what the hell he was doing. He slowed to a stop outside Alexis's door, leaning his hands on his knees for a brief moment before straightening up, biting the bullet and knocking on her door.

"Come in," Alexis called out, expecting Eric, only to freeze at the sight of Rick standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" he asked, his heart sinking at seeing her reaction, whilst already expecting it. "Or do you want me to go?"

"Why are you here?" Alexis asked, swinging her legs over the side of her canopied bed, knocking over a cuddly toy cow.

"I just..." Rick began, before suddenly losing his nerve. "It's okay, I'll just go," he said, just as suddenly turning and making to leave, thinking himself a fool.

"No, wait up," Alexis said, tripping over the cuddly toy cow in her haste to follow him. "What is it?" she said, grabbing his arm, forcing him to face her.

"I – Look, I know you don't like me," Rick said in a rush, feeling the tips of his ears turning red, "that we butt heads, but – but I was – Deanna's party – I was – I wanted – I was goin' to ask you to come with me." He closed his eyes, wishing the floor would swallow him whole, echoing Alexis's earlier sentiment outside with Spencer, Rick kicking himself for coming here and losing his cool. He had been married, for chrissake, and had two kids, so why was he acting like some hick trying to ask the head cheerleader to prom?

"What, like a date?" Alexis said, looking at him like he was mad.

Rick opened his eyes, staring at her like she'd sprung an extra head.

"Are you asking me out on a date, Rick?" she said impatiently, putting him on the spot, Rick suddenly freezing, feeling like the ground had been ripped out from under his feet. He couldn't do this, and he wouldn't, and with this realisation, he was suddenly in control of himself again.

"No," he said, twisting his wedding ring around his finger, "I just... I just want us to be friends, okay? So I'm askin' you to come with me as a... friend."

Alexis studied him for a long moment, before shrugging her shoulders. "Sure," she said, his words sending a surprisingly disappointed pang darting through her, "I wasn't going to go, but if you want, I'll come with you."

Rick stared at her, shocked, before recovering himself. "Great," he said, rubbing the back of his neck again, "uh, do I come here or what?"

"What, you want to walk me over to Deanna's?" Alexis asked, amused against her will.

"I could walk you over to my place, and then meet up with my kids and the others," Rick said, trying to keep his cool, "so here, then?"

"Meet me by the back door," Alexis said, before giving him a time. "Be there or be square." And with that, she went back into her room, holding his gaze for a long moment as she turned to close the door behind her, Rick nodding before leaving. But as he reached the bottom of the stairs, it was only for Rick to realise he was smiling.

_Remember you traveled through the desert, you traveled to the sea_  
_lookin' out on some horizon, asking what you mean to me_  
_and we all hang around with a free or toiled mind_  
_while all of our branches entwine..._


	30. Gods & Monsters

**Gods &amp; Monsters**

"You really substitute apple sauce for eggs?" Jessie asked curiously as she led Carol into the pantry, Olivia glancing up from where she was counting out their cans of tinned fruit, a task she'd already done that morning, but unable to think of a better way to kill time until Deanna's party started, she had pulled out all the peaches and pineapple chunks again, still stinging over Sasha's failure to bring back meat.

"That sounds like something that could change my life," Olivia joked, getting to her feet.

"I'd really appreciate it if you kept it just between us girls," Carol simpered to Jessie, bestowing a fond smile in Olivia's direction, "it's kind of a secret."

"Sure," Jessie smiled, before turning away, Carol catching a glimpse of an owl tattoo on her shoulder, her forearm bearing the marks of faint bruises, the sight making Carol's jaw tighten, striking too close to home.

"What do you need apple sauce for anyways?" Olivia asked as Jessie handed over two jars to Carol, who took them, handling them like they were rare diamonds.

"I'm making cookies," Carol chirped. "Like proper home-baked cookies, not the manufactured rubbish I hear Deanna's handing round."

"I don't hear my son complaining," Jessie smiled, straightening the row of jars. She should have really been at home, but she used the pantry as a refuge from Pete, unaware he had been looking for her here that morning, assaulting Alexis instead.

"If you're needing chocolate, there's a trick," Olivia said, biting her lip.

"You actually have it?" Carol said, feigning shock.

"I can only ration you a quarter bar," Olivia said, leading the way out of the pantry, Carol following, swaying her hips on cue as Tobin and another man came stooping through the doorway and into the hall, Tobin's cheeks flushing on cue as well.

"I'll make it work," Carol said, darting a coquettish glance at Tobin from under her lashes, as if all she wanted from life was a big burly man to save her from it.

"Hey, Olivia," Tobin said, flustered, "we're here to make a withdrawal."

"Late start?"

"Boss lady wants us to check that strut of the east wall before the party," Tobin explained, daring another glance at Carol, who demurely looked away.

"Head on back," Olivia said, waving them through. "Carol, the chocolate's in the hall freezer," she said over her shoulder to Carol. "Just grab what you need."

Carol did so, feeling like a spanner had been thrown in the works, biting her tongue before wandering nervously into the armoury, Olivia and the others glancing up as she came in, Carol shrinking into herself.

"You afraid of guns, ma'am?" Tobin asked, brow creasing in concern.

"Rick took me out this morning," Carol explained, shoulders hunching slightly as she glanced around her, noting the window's position, "but I got so scared I had to come back in."

"Well, my name is Tobin," he said, ruffling up his thinning hair, "so if you want, I'd be happy to help you out with gunlore and whatnot."

"I know your name," Carol smiled, ducking her head, "but that would be nice. Thank you, Tobin."

Tobin just nodded, before turning his back on her, hiding his furious blush, another fool falling into Carol's trap.

* * *

Rick paced the porch, rumpling up his carefully combed hair, half wishing he was back at the house where the delicious smell of baking was filling the air. He had taken a quick shower, deliberating over what he should wear to Deanna's welcome party, feeling like a fool as he did, as if all he had to worry about was his appearance, acting as though the apocalypse had never happened. He was becoming infected by Alexandria, succumbing to its shallowness, but as the back door opened, Rick realised with a sudden stab to his heart he would put up with a lot worse to be around Alexis, the sight of her slow smile striking him like a physical blow.

She stepped out onto the porch, hiding her awkward unease by smoothing down the front of her faded sun-dress, the bleached blue setting off her eyes. She hadn't bothered to brush her blonde hair, letting it aureole around her make-up free face like a halo, her bare feet enclosed in gold Grecian sandals. She lacked her usual luminosity, looking strangely plain and tired, but as Rick studied her slightly unkempt appearance, he thought he liked the fact she wore her beauty carelessly more than she was beautiful.

"Hey," she said, waving her hand at him, wincing as she did. He looked well-put together in his crisp white shirt and pressed jeans, his blue eyes almost blazing against the backdrop of his tanned face.

"Hey yourself," Rick said, repressing a smile at how awkward Alexis seemed, suddenly gawky like a teenage girl on her first date.

"Ready to go, then?" Alexis said, trying to act cool by being brusque.

"Eric and Aaron not comin'?" Rick asked, glancing at the back door as he offered her his arm.

"No," Alexis said, shaking her head as she took his arm. "They don't do Deanna's shin-digs, and with Eric's ankle, they have a cast-iron excuse not to go to this one."

"And you don't do Deanna's shin-digs either?" Rick hazarded as they went down the porch steps.

"Not since my fall from grace," Alexis said, face darkening.

"What happened?" Rick asked quietly, slowing down his stride to match hers.

Alexis stared into the distance, thinking of that day she'd driven Earle back to Alexandria, deaf to his pleas for her to listen to him, that he hadn't meant to hurt her. He had only stopped when she'd pulled his own gun on him, and she'd regretted not pulling the trigger when she had the chance. He had lied to Deanna, to everyone, casting Alexis in the role of temptress, that she'd led him on and shot him down, starting up a shit-storm to exile him from Alexandria.

"Is it to do with Earle?" Rick asked astutely.

"I destroyed Deanna's idyll," Alexis said suddenly, "I brought the bogeyman back here. She didn't want to believe that bad people didn't exist anymore. She thought the apocalypse was selective in who it slaughtered, that we were alive because we were different, that we were special, that there was a reason we were still here. We were the Chosen Ones when in reality we were just goddamn lucky."

"What did Earle do, Alex?" Rick said, making her glance sharply at him.

"He... he tried to..." she began, before bowing her blonde head. "I think I asked for it," she suddenly blurted out, startling Rick. "Earle was my best friend, I thought he was safe – we used to flirt outrageously and it didn't mean anything. We would hold hands and I would sit in his lap, but it never went any further than that. That day outside the walls, I told him I was sorry, that I didn't mean anything by it, that I shouldn't have done it, but he didn't listen, he – he" -

\- "Alex, look at me," Rick said, swinging her round to face him, taking her face between his hands, "it wasn't your fault, do you hear me? You didn't ask for it, and you didn't do anythin' to deserve it. Earle is a monster, nothin' more, nothin' less."

Alexis stared at Rick, feeling like the bottom of her world had fallen out. Even Jessie had silently judged her; she had seen it in her sister's eyes, that Jessie had thought Alexis had brought it upon herself. For all their adult life, Jessie had watched Alexis keep most of her admirers at arm's length, but it didn't stop her from wanting them to fall at her feet, flirting theatrically with them, Jessie warning Alexis that this was how she'd end up alone. She had to settle instead of drifting through life, or she would be old before she knew it, her last chance long gone.

"You are safe now," Rick said quietly, his blue eyes boring into hers, "with me, always."

And Alexis nodded, finding the foothold she had so desperately been searching for.

_In the land of gods and monsters__  
__I was an angel__  
__Living in the garden of evil…__  
_

* * *

Carol opened the door to Deanna's house, a covered plate of cookies tucked under her arm, Rick at her heels, cradling Judith in his arms, Alexis behind him, Carl bringing up the rear, the rest of the group some distance back. Outside, Alexis had taken Rick's arm again, before detaching herself as they approached his house, Abraham and the others milling about on the porch, Carol's jaw tightening at the sight of Alexis with Rick, but she'd held her tongue, plastering a smile on her face instead. Deep down, she felt sorry for Alexis and the terrible situation with her sister, but the group came first, and Rick had to remember that.

As they stepped into the hallway, the strains of an old record filled the air, its crackling notes rising above the noisy chatter, Rick tightening his grip around Judith, using her almost like a comfort blanket. He'd never been much good at social events, letting Lori lead the way whilst he nursed a beer and smiled and nodded at the appropriate moments. But now was even worse, everybody expecting him to act as if the world hadn't ended.

"Welcome," Deanna exclaimed, her arms held out in wide welcome, as though she longed to enfold them all in her embrace. "Darling," she drawled, air-kissing Carol's cheeks, "and Carl," she added, nodding at him, bestowing a tight smile on Alexis before turning to Rick. "Thank you for coming," she said, her gaze lingering too long on his tanned face. "I didn't get a chance to interview this one," she smiled, her gaze becoming predictably drawn to Judith who was reaching for Alexis's gold chain again. "I envy her, you know," she said, raising her gaze to Rick's, holding it for a long moment, making Alexis suddenly realise with a jealous jolt that the woman was trying to flirt with him.

"Why?" Rick said, not exactly sounding interested, still seething over Alexis's admission about what Earle had done, and Deanna's reaction to it.

"She'll get to see what this place will become," Deanna said almost mystically, holding Rick's gaze again for a fraction too long, Carol discreetly taking her leave and heading for the kitchen instead. "I hope you're not going to spoil us with a striptease," Deanna suddenly fired over Rick's shoulder at Abraham as he came through the doorway with Rosita.

"Only if you ask me nicely," Abraham smirked, before steering Rosita over in the direction of the beer.

"Come and meet my husband," Deanna then said to Rick, taking him by the arm, Carl disappearing into the throng, Rick casting Alexis an almost anguished glance, one that made her trail helplessly after him. "I know you've already met, but this shall be a proper introduction," Deanna said, tossing her head back, reminding Rick of Pamela for a terrible moment. "Reg, honey," she trilled, making a man standing by the window turn around, a smile lighting up his face at the sight of his irascible wife.

"Hello, Deanna dearest," Reg said, pulling her in for a kiss, one that knocked his spectacles askew, Deanna standing up on tip-toe. "And Alexis," he said, nodding kindly at her, before turning to Rick, studying him for a long moment, remembering the Rick from before, how hunted he'd looked with his wild beard and shaking hands.

"I'm Rick," Rick said uneasily, shifting Judith to his other arm, "we met before."

"I know," Reg smiled, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. "I remember thinking you're a pretty remarkable guy," he said, startling Rick. "I watched the tapes," he explained, noticing Rick's bewildered expression, "all of them. The things your people said about you, what you did for them..." Reg shook his head in silent admiration, Deanna beaming up at them both, threading her arm through her husband's.

"Didn't you build that wall out there?" Rick said, ducking his head, not wanting to be having this conversation.

"I did," Reg said, "we all did, Alexis included." He nodded at her again, trying to include her in the conversation, Alexis glancing down at the ground instead. She liked Reg, but he was his wife's lapdog, adoring to obey her every whim. "It's a damn incredible achievement, I suppose," Reg said awkwardly, "but it's just a wall." He studied Rick again for a long moment, his eyes narrowing slightly behind his spectacles, suddenly serious. "Fourteen lives in this world," he said quietly, "that can't compare to a wall, Rick."

"Well, we're standing behind that wall right now, darling," Deanna smiled, leaning her head against his arm. "So let's call it a tie." She took her leave then, waving at Glenn, Maggie and Noah as they came in, Reg watching her go with fond eyes, before turning back to Rick and Alexis.

"I'm glad you're here, Rick," Reg said, straightening his glasses, "that Alexis brought you back." And with a nod to both of them, he went over to his wife, Rick turning to Alexis, glad that he was here, with her.


	31. It's The Darkest Of Grey

**It's The Darkest Of Grey**

"She's here."

Rick pretended to glance around the room, taking in the sight of Olivia standing in the doorway, an uncertain smile playing on her lips. He took a swift sip of brandy, knowing what her presence pertained, setting off the tripwire to his taking over of Alexandria. "I'll go with you, if you want," he said to Carol under his breath, "Officer Friendly lendin' you a helpin' hand."

Carol repressed a smirk. "Stay here," she said in his ear, leaning over as she spoke, "keep an eye on the crowd. Make sure nobody slips out."

Rick nodded, before taking another sip of brandy, the glass clinking against his teeth. As Carol slipped into the shadows, he made his way over to the window, feigning interest in the pile of books haphazardly stacked up on the sill, ensuring he had an unobstructed view of the pantry entrance. But a shadow suddenly fell across Rick, intruding, making Rick glance up sharply.

"I didn't take you for a bookworm," Pete said, swaying slightly on the spot, "I figured you were more a man of action."

"I garnered the same impression of you earlier," Rick said, forcing a smile, "back in the pantry, with Alexis. Havin' problems in that quarter?"

Pete studied Rick, not fooled by his friendliness, sensing a storm in the air. "Alexis and I have a... rocky relationship," he said, nursing his glass, "sometimes it gets too hot to handle." He exhaled sharply, wondering if he'd said too much, the alcohol loosening his tongue, but Rick had seen too much to hide the truth from, Pete drunkenly deciding to play his game. "We have our differences," he slurred slightly, "but deep down, we stick together. We're family, we have to."

"I totally agree," Rick said, glancing up as Jessie came over, Alexis trailing morosely at her heels, both of them nursing glasses of bourbon. "How are you ladies enjoyin' the party?" Rick said, feeling like a fool, mundane civilities sitting ill on his shoulders

"We're enjoying it just fine," Jessie said with a strained smile, instantly apprehensive at seeing her husband and Rick talking together, sensing the tension in the air. She had asked Pete earlier to keep his alcohol intake to a minimum, but even though it was only early evening, Pete was already dancing dangerously close to the edge of drunkenness. His response to her request had been to shove her roughly aside, a warning sign that Jessie didn't want to take heed off, only wanting a pleasant evening out with her family.

"Don't let us interrupt the male bonding," Alexis said, an edge entering her voice, making Rick glance sharply at her.

"We were just talking about you actually," Pete said, hiccoughing, "that even though you and I fight like cat and dog, deep _deep _down, we love each other really."

"I'm thinking fathoms deep," Alexis said sarcastically, her grip tightening on her glass.

"Ah, the incomparable Alexis," Pete said just as sarcastically, suddenly sober, "what would life be like without your wit?" He reached out to ruffle her hair, making Alexis flinch, Pete instantly dropping his hand to his side. "Jeesh," he snapped, "you're like a cat on a hot tin roof. You should learn to relax more. All that tension isn't good for you" -

\- "Rick, would you like another drink?" Jessie said brightly, too brightly, cutting across Pete, who glared at her.

"Drinks are a man's business," Pete spat, snatching Rick's glass out of his hand, "so let me, Rick, I won't do you wrong."

"I put myself in your hands," Rick said with another forced smile, Pete nodding before stalking off into the crowd, Rick watching him go with hooded eyes.

"Thank fucking God," Alexis said under her breath, making Jessie round on her.

"He's trying, okay?" Jessie snapped. "At least give him credit for making the effort."

Alexis just turned away, Jessie's words playing like a broken record in her mind, a refrain she'd heard to many times. When Jessie had arrived at the party with her family in tow, Alexis had been torn in two, wanting to join them, whilst wanting to stay away as far as possible, Pete's presence dividing them.

"I apologise for my little sister's foul language," Jessie said to Rick, "she really needs to rinse out her mouth with soap." Jessie elbowed Alexis gently in the side to indicate she was just joking, but there was no answering response from Alexis, who just stared off into the distance, mouth moody.

"I'm a big boy," Rick said lightly, "I can handle the air turnin' blue. But a sister's gotta keep her siblin's in line, am I right?" He offered Jessie a sideways grin, the type Shane used to bestow on strangers, charming the men, whilst literally charming the pants off the women, Rick wondering with a sudden sickening jolt if he was turning into Shane, adopting his anarchistic attitude.

"Too darn right," Jessie said, shaking her head. "I'm constantly keeping an eye on Alexis."

"Good," Rick said, carelessly glancing out of the window, ensuring Carol's way was still clear, "but it seems like you missed a trick with Alexis and this Earle I keep hearin' about. Sounds like you should have put a bullet between his eyes."

Jessie paled, suddenly looking guilty, making Rick just as suddenly suspect she had sat on judgement on Alexis over Earle, all but allying herself with the enemy. In that moment, he finally saw Jessie for what she really was, a woman that endured abuse to secure her position in the Alexandria social scene, blaming her sister for spurning an admirer's apparent advances, bringing scandal to her sacred doorstep.

But at the same time, Rick knew very well it wasn't as straightforward as that, that Jessie was playing the game to protect her family, not wanting to be exiled from Alexandria's walls. If people got sick or injured, it wasn't Jessie or her sons who would save them, it would be Pete, deciding Deanna there and then.

Yet over Earle, Rick surmised Alexis was entitled to a sister's loyalty, that Jessie should have stood up against Earle's accusations. Even as Deanna had believed Alexis in the end, exiling Earle and his friends, the whole situation had scarred Alexandria's serene surface, everybody blaming Alexis for shattering the illusion. There was the reprehensible quarter who felt Alexis had asked for it, and she had no right to demand justice, forcing Deanna to deliver it. And all the while, Jessie had sat in judgement, implying Alexis should have known better.

As Rick studied Jessie, the knowledge made him feel disappointed in her, even as he reluctantly understood why she put up with Pete, trying to hold her broken family together in a broken world, to stay within the walls by upholding Alexandria's image. But what Earle had done was inexcusable, and Jessie seemed to see his sins as something Alexis had brought down on herself. "I know why you put up with Pete," he said in a low voice, giving voice to his inner turmoil, knowing he should shut up but unable to, tired of staying silent, "why you keep puttin' off leavin' him, sayin' you will when you won't. It's so you don't rock the boat, so Deanna doesn't have to choose. I get it. You don't wanna drag your dirty laundry into the light, forcing all these stupid fucks to finally see it out in the open. But there's gonna come a day when _you'll_ have to choose, Jessie, so I suggest you pick the right side."

Jessie just shook her head, before turning on her heel and leaving. Rick watched Pamela and her partisans waylay her, before glancing out of the window again, everything in the all clear for now. He knew he was playing with fire by provoking Jessie, but too much had been said between them for false acts, Rick knowing too much, becoming too involved.

"You shouldn't have said that," Alexis said, her voice cracking, making Rick turn to her. "You don't know damn all."

"I know everythin' I need to know," Rick said, rounding on her, careful to keep his voice low, "I know that you're walkin' a thin line, Jessie shit scared in case you take her and her family down with you. She's tryin' to save face by bein' Deanna's lapdog, actin' as though her husband's not using her as a punchbag. She can save face all she wants though, I seen the look on her face when I brought Earle to the table - she's takin' a trip to Guilt City over that lil slip-up."

"She didn't take his side" -

\- "Don't bullshit me, Alex," Rick hissed, stooping down so he was eye-level with her, the abrupt movement attracting unwanted attention, "anythin' you do that jeopardizes Jessie's place in Alexandria, she will all but bail on you. She has her sons to think about. No matter how much she loves you, she will kill for her kids. You brought a shitstorm to her doorstep, so she stood apart, all but flingin' you to the Walkers alongside Earle. I might not have been there, but I am a damn good judge of human nature. Jessie's just keepin' her head above water, but you're drownin', draggin' her and hers down with you."

All the blood drained from Alexis's face, reminding Rick of Jessie's reaction to his reference of Earle, throwing into relief the resemblance between the sisters. As he studied her, he knew Carol would be cursing him for what he was doing, almost undoing their efforts to secure Alexandria, but in that moment, rage ruled Rick, making him forget all he was fighting for.

"Deep down, Jessie's already made her choice," Rick snapped, straightening up, ignoring the curious glances aimed in their direction, "look what she did there, blackenin' you and defendin' Pete – because in protectin' Pete she's protectin' her sons" -

\- "Fuck you, Rick Grimes," Alexis spat, suddenly flinging her drink in his face, before turning on her heel and leaving.

_I watched your fingers point at the blame__  
__It's the darkest of grey when you explain__  
__I'm not a follower and I won't follow you down…_


	32. The Fire Running Through My Veins

**The Fire Running Through My Veins**

"Alexis."

Slowing to a stop, Alexis forced herself to face Deanna, the blood still boiling through her veins. "Yes?" she said through gritted teeth, struggling to keep her voice steady, Deanna raising an eyebrow at her response.

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave my house, Alexis," Deanna said coldly, glancing over at where Jessie was dabbing uselessly at Rick's soaking shirt, Rick holding his arms aloft, looking resigned to his ruin, Pete just standing there, knocking back Rick's drink and then his own, making the best of a bad situation.

"Fine, you'd be doing me a favour" -

-"Well, you've really gone and done it now, haven't you, Peaches?" Pamela declared as she came over, knocking back her own glass of Scotch with a well-practised flick of the wrist.

"Pamela, I would really like your opinion on the new dining table we got the other day," Reg said deferentially, suddenly appearing at Pamela's elbow out of thin air, "we swapped it over from one of the other houses but I'm not sure it's working. Deanna deems it perfect, but I think it's crowding us out. I think we could really benefit from an expert eye."

"Well, all my friends say I have exquisite taste," Pamela drawled, "so if you fetch me another drink, Reggie, I'm all yours."

"Lead the way, my lady," Reg almost but not quite flirted, gallantly gesturing her to go first, Pamela sweeping him a curtsey before obliging.

"Thank you," Deanna mouthed at Reg, who pretended to tip an imaginary hat at her, before following Pamela into the throng. "Spencer," she then called, seeing her son appearing in the doorway, unaware of the drama unfolding, "would you come here, please?"

"What's up?" Spencer asked as he came over, glancing around with some confusion at the shocked stares being aimed in Alexis's direction, everybody talking behind their hands, the music having now been switched off.

"Could you escort Alexis home?" Deanna said, struggling to keep her voice civil. "She's a little upset."

Spencer studied Alexis for a moment, holding her mutinous gaze for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders. "Sure," he said with a frown, glancing over his shoulder at Rick, his brow furrowing further at the sight of Rick's sodden shirt.

"Now?" Deanna prompted.

* * *

_And I feel it running through my veins_  
_And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake_  
_Erased, I missed till the break of day_  
_And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake_...

"You don't need to walk me over," Alexis said as they went down the sidewalk. "I'll be fine from here."

"Trying to make a getaway huh?" Spencer said with a smile, but there was hurt in his eyes, hurt that made Alexis uncomfortable. Ever since Spencer had asked her to the party, she now actively wanted to avoid him, not liking the way he was beginning to look at her, as if all his heart's desires hinged on her slightest word. He was Holly's, whether he wanted to or not, disastrous desire constantly drawing them back together, Alexis naturally having no inclination come between her best friend and Spencer.

"I'd rather be alone," Alexis said tiredly, "it's been a long day."

"That why you threw a drink over our resident sheriff?" Spencer said astutely, having made his own deductions. "Was he really such a shitty date?"

"He wasn't my date."

"That's not what I heard," Spencer said, shrugging his shoulders again, "but who am I to listen to idle gossip?"

Alexis turned away, biting back her bitter retort, arguing with Spencer only keeping him around longer.

"Oh, come on, Lexie," Spencer said, grabbing her arm, forcing her to face him, "don't be like that with me. We're old buddies, aren't we?"

"Don't touch me."

"Hey, I'm just" -

The next thing he knew was Alexis's fist in his face, sending him staggering, Alexis immediately doubling up, clutching her hand that was still bruised from punching his brother. "Shit," she hissed through her teeth, "_shit_."

"What the hell's wrong with you, Alexis?" Spencer said in disbelief, touching his cut lip, before looking at the blood on his fingertips with stunned incredulity. "First Aidan, now me?"

Alexis turned her back on him, cradling her aching hand, struggling to subdue the storm rising in her. She didn't know what was wrong with her, except that she was exhausted from accepting what served as existence within Alexandria's walls. She might seem to rail against Deanna's rule, but in the end, she fell into line like everyone else. But whilst she lashed out at Aidan and the others, she never seemed to have the nerve to strike who was hurting her most, something about Pete paralysing her into immobility.

"I don't know you anymore, Alexis," Spencer said, staring at her like he'd never seen her before, "I don't recognize you at all."

"You never knew me, Spencer," Alexis snapped, rounding on him, "you only knew what you wanted to know. It's the same with Alexandria; you see what you want to see, shutting everything else out. It's all surface and nothing else with you."

Spencer just shook his head before turning and leaving, holding the back of his hand up to his lips. Alexis watched him go, refusing to feel guilt at overreacting so, only feeling a terrible relief instead. For a terrible moment, she wondered if this was how Pete felt, enjoying inflicting his pain on others, almost purging himself of it, but she crushed the thought down, refusing to face it. Just as she was about to head over to Eric and Aaron's house, there was a brief burst of light in one of the pantry windows, making Alexis freeze, not quite sure of what she'd seen. Then it happened again, Alexis realising it was the flash of a torch, curiosity attracting her over.

As Alexis quietly and quickly entered the pantry under the cover of darkness, using the spare key Olivia kept hidden under a nearby gnome, she heard the sound of muted movement coming from within the armoury, confirming her suspicions. But as her fingers fumbled for the handle, turning it, it was only to find the door almost defiantly locked, making her realise whoever it was had entered the armoury through one of the windows on the other side of the building, right where she'd seen the flash of light. As Alexis let go of the doorhandle, she noticed everything had suddenly gone very quiet inside the armoury. Cursing her own idiocy, Alexis turned and ran outside, flinging herself around the corner, only to collide with Carol.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alexis hissed, dragging the other woman around the back of the building with her uninjured hand, pulling her into the shadows.

"Protecting me and mine," Carol hissed back, tightly clutching the pillowcase she was carrying. "I'm sure I can't be the only one who thinks the 'no weapons within the walls' rule is ridiculous."

Alexis just stared at Carol in her sweet fluffy jumper and slacks combination. "Did Rick put you up to this?" she asked abruptly.

"No, he didn't," Carol said coldly, lying through her teeth, not missing a beat. "He would flip if he found out what I'm doing."

"What exactly are you doing?"

Carol studied Alexis for a long moment, caught between covering her own back and trying to right the same wrongs that had once been inflicted on her so long ago, her grey gaze lingering on Alexis's fading black eye. "I was you once," she said, her voice cracking, "but not anymore, and I refuse to become you. I won't let anyone hurt me or my family again."

Alexis held Carol's gaze, her grip tightening around the spare pantry key, the metal digging into her flesh. "I could go to Deanna about this," she said quietly, struggling to keep her voice steady, "I should go to Deanna about this."

"But you won't."

"How do you know I won't?"

"Because I can help you protect your family," Carol said simply, "when Deanna bluntly refuses to; when your sister doesn't have the guts to; whilst Rick wastes too much time playing it safe; when you're too crippled by fear and indecision to do anything, anything at all. I can end _this_, Alexis, but only if you let me."

Alexis backed away from Carol, but suddenly Carol's hand was on her arm, restraining her.

"Olivia doesn't keep a correct inventory of your guns," Carol said swiftly, "she won't notice they're missing."

"She might."

"This is the woman who sleeps with the keys to the armoury under her pillow but is blind to a window latch being left open in the same armoury," Carol pointed out, "who hides the spare pantry key under a goddamn garden gnome for chrissake. Do the math, Alexis, it's not hard."

Alexis bit her lip, reluctantly remembering Olivia's keeper of the keys routine, the big show she made of locking up and taking the keys home every evening. With windows being left open and spare keys being hidden in plain sight, it only served to highlight Olivia's idea of security was almost imbecilic. "Didn't she leave the door unlocked the other night?" Alexis asked, brow furrowing.

"Does it matter?" Carol said. "Olivia's an idiot. You're not. So make up your mind what side you're on."

"I didn't realise we were going to war."

"Honey, that's the way of the world now. But what matters is that you pick the right side to fight for."

"What, you?"

"I can help you, Alexis," Carol snapped. "But only if you_ let_ me."

Alexis hesitated before nodding, finally making her final choice, taking that leap into the unknown, half wondering at herself.

"I'll get you the guns and ammo tomorrow," Carol said, taking control, sensing Alexi's almost indecision, "when I'm bringing around Eric's laundry. You will volunteer to put it away, and then you'll make a detour to your own room, hiding the guns and ammo wherever you see fit. Aaron will be out hunting so the house should be clear. With Eric incapacitated, he will be downstairs, so he won't disturb you."

Alexis just stared at Carol again, almost incredulous. "What then?" she said in disbelief.

"You leave Pete to me," Carol said sweetly, "but until then, you need to protect yourself and your family."

* * *

"Alex?"

Alexis froze in the kitchen doorway, startled to see Daryl sitting with Eric and Aaron, the redneck loudly slurping up his spaghetti Bolognese, unperturbed by her presence.

"You're back rather early," Aaron observed, exchanging a glance with Eric, "alarmingly early might I add."

"I may have threw a drink over Rick," Alexis said evasively, unconsciously massaging her aching knuckles.

"Why?" Daryl asked dryly, winding a long strand of spaghetti around his fork.

"Why not?" Alexis said lightly, shrugging her shoulders, feigning a flippancy she didn't feel.

"Sit and have dinner with us," Eric interjected, "you must be starving. Deanna goes heavy on the drinks but light on the nibbles."

"I was just going to grab something and go," Alexis said uneasily, glancing at Daryl, not wanting to intrude.

"Sit," Eric ordered, "since you've been promoted from sleeping on the sofa to having your own room, you _know_ it's now compulsory for you to have all your meals with us, guests or not."

"I guess that's me told - again," Alexis muttered, sliding into a seat, Aaron getting up to get her a bowl. "I didn't take you as a fan of Italian food," she aimed at Daryl, who was all but shoving his head into his own bowl. "I see you more as a peanut butter jelly and pigs-feet kind of guy."

Daryl just looked at her from beneath his shaggy hair, something flickering strangely behind his eyes, Alexis's words resurrecting the ghost of a memory he'd rather forget. "We have Spaghetti Tuesdays," he said carelessly, taking a sip of soda, making Alexis raise an eyebrow.

"Spaghetti Tuesdays?" Alexis pressed, nodding her thanks to Aaron as he set down the spaghetti in front of her, along with a glass of orange juice, knowing her preference for fruit juice over fizzy drinks.

"Back at the prison, Maggie's pa started up this Spaghetti Tuesday thin'," Daryl said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, uneasy at being the sudden centre of attention, "'cos all we had to eat for a spell was spaghetti. But we never knew what day it was, so every day was Spaghetti Tuesday for some reason. Why it wasn't Wednesday or shit, I dunno. Tuesday it was. Stupid, but it stuck."

"You lived in a prison?" Alexis asked, her curiosity caught, fiddling with her fork as she spoke. She didn't recall Rick having mentioned living in a prison with his people, her knowledge of his life before Alexandria very little.

Daryl just grunted, suddenly focusing on shovelling his spaghetti into his mouth with fervent enthusiasm, Aaron kicking Alexis gently under the table, shaking his head slightly at her to indicate she drop the subject, Alexis obliging, remembering Carol's bitter words, _I won't let anyone hurt me or my family again_.

"Would you like some wine with that, Daryl?" Eric offered, Aaron getting up again, heading over to the wine rack. "When in Rome and all that jazz."

"Sure," Daryl said thickly, his answer obscured by spaghetti, "hit me with it."

"Fancy a glass, Alex?" Aaron asked, coming back over, the wine bottle tucked under his arm, the glasses clinking together in his grip.

"Why not?" Alexis said. "Let's live dangerously."

"When don't we?" Eric joked.

Alexis laughed, the sound strangely grating, making Aaron glance curiously at her, his attention caught by her reddened knuckles.

As he poured her wine, he also didn't miss the high colour in her cheeks or the way she kept picking up her fork before setting it down again, her body language defensive, her behaviour bordering on agitated. "Is your hand okay?" Aaron asked Alexis, setting the wine bottle down, gesturing to her other hand lying prone on the table. "It looks a bit sore."

"I may have punched Spencer," Alexis admitted against her will. "I bust his lip."

"You're on a roll tonight, girl," Daryl said dryly, picking up his wine glass. "Tryin' to set a world record or somethin'?"

"What did he do?" Eric asked, looking worried, exchanging a glance with Aaron, both of them thinking of Earle.

"He was getting up on my grill," Alexis snapped, snatching up her own glass, "that's all."

"So you decked him?"

"He wouldn't let go of me" -

\- "What do you mean he wouldn't let go of you?" Aaron demanded, suddenly making the kitchen go silent, Daryl rigid in his seat, Eric tensing up in turn.

"Shit, it wasn't like that, Aaron," Alexis said, setting down her glass.

"It better not have been," Aaron said dangerously.

"Well, it wasn't."

Aaron studied Alexis for a long moment. "Was he just being an asinine ass, then?" he said stiffly, digging his fork into his spaghetti Bolognese with too much force, nearly upsetting the bowl. "Usually it's Aidan being the ass," Aaron continued, taking a sip of wine, his grip almost breaking the glass, "but I suppose Spencer wants in on the act as well."

"There's gorra be a reason she's tryin' to bag both brothers, innit?" Daryl offered, pouring himself more wine, the alcohol making him relax a little. "So why w'ld it not be for them bein' a prick and a dick respectiv'ly?"

"Well said," Aaron agreed.

"Hear hear," Eric pretended to applaud.

"And so say all of us," Alexis finished darkly.


	33. I'm Indebted To You

**I'm Indebted To You**

Daryl loudly slurped down his last strand of spaghetti, making Alexis wince against her will. "Fanks," he then grunted, wiping his mouth with his shirt sleeve, before making to get up, abruptly making his exit.

As his chair scraped across the floor, Eric glanced up at Daryl, his lips twitching. "You and your stomach calling it a night, then?" Eric asked Daryl as he took another sip of wine, looking more amused than ever.

"Yeah," Daryl said awkwardly, "some good grub, man."

Eric inclined his head at the compliment. "You know, I can pack you some lunch if you'd like," he then offered, his voice becoming hesitant, "I always used to rustle up Alexis a little something when she went out" -

\- "Eric!" Aaron hissed, shaking his head vehemently, making Alexis glance curiously at him.

"Eric what?" Daryl said, face suddenly suspicious.

Eric looked at Aaron for a long moment, not understanding. "_Oh_," he then said, the penny finally dropping. "I thought it was done."

"What was done?" Alexis asked, confused.

"I haven't asked him yet," Aaron admitted to Eric, shooting Alexis a sidelong glance, confusing her even further.

"Asked me what?" Daryl demanded, narrowing his eyes.

Aaron bit his lip. "C'mon," he said, rising to his feet, indicating for Alexis and Daryl to follow. Exchanging a glance with Eric, Alexis obeyed, following Aaron out into the hall, Daryl trailing behind her, Eric limping at his heels, looking nervous and excited all at once.

"What's this all about, Aaron?" Alexis asked as he opened the side-door that led into the garage, craning her neck past his shoulder, only to see a stack of motorcycle parts she'd never seen before. "Wait," she said, slowing to a stop, "where did you get all that gear from? Is that what was underneath the tarpaulin out back?"

Aaron allowed himself a small smile, remembering how he and Alexis had first met, and not under the most auspicious of circumstances. Back at the beginning, just after the walls were completed, Alexis had been exploring Alexandria, only to end up poking about Aaron's backyard, tentatively inching up a tarpaulin to see what lay underneath, only to nearly jump out of her skin when Aaron caught her trespassing. He had just moved in, and his understandable nervousness about his new neighbours at the end of the world had not been dispelled by his odd encounter with Alexis. She had never found out what the tarpaulin concealed, but as Alexis's gaze travelled over the garage, not recognizing it anymore, Aaron reasoned with hidden amusement, that at least for Alexis, that small mystery had now been solved.

"Hey," Alexis said, punching Aaron on the arm, "what's with the not answering me?"

"This is Daryl's show, not mine," Aaron explained, gesturing Daryl to step through, "although you're the one who got it rolling."

"Got what rollin'?" Daryl asked, starting to look put out.

"When I first got this place," Aaron said, taking Eric's hand, "there was that frame," he gestured to the motorcycle propped up against the wall, a green cloth flung over it, "and some parts and equipment – I originally kept them out back under some tarpaulin," he continued, sparing Alexis another amused glance. "I was gonna turn the garage into a man-cave, but I never quite got round to it, much to Eric's relief." The two men shared a smile. "So whenever I came across more parts outside on runs," Aaron continued, "I brought them back, and built up quite the collection, as you can see. But I felt they needed a more... permanent base and moved them in here."

"And there thankfully endeth the dream of the man cave," Eric interjected, earning a roll of the eyes from Aaron.

"But what's all this for, man?" Daryl said in confusion, glancing around him, eyeing it all avariciously, still not understanding how he fitted into this.

"Well, you're going to need a bike, Daryl," Aaron said lightly, glancing at Alexis, who suddenly understood, "for when you go out there."

"Go out there why?"

"Alexis suggested the other night that you become a recruiter," Aaron said quietly, making Daryl glance sharply at Alexis, "and I suggested it to Deanna, who agrees with me, that you have the right qualities to go out there and help those in need." Deanna hadn't quite put it like that, only glad to finally give Daryl a job, but the fact she was starting to see Daryl in a new light was good enough for Aaron.

Daryl just scoffed, shaking his shaggy head in disbelief.

"I saw you with that horse, Daryl," Aaron snapped, "you managed to gain its trust when none of us could. I think that says something, don't you?"

Daryl just narrowed his eyes again.

"You have all the right practical skills, Daryl," Alexis said hesitantly, speaking up as she stepped forwards, "when we go out there, we're really going in blind. You can track and everything. But more importantly, you've been out there in a way we haven't – there's - there's a whole other world beyond these walls where the living are more dangerous than the dead. When we recruit, we have to sit in judgment on those we find, and sometimes our judgment has been... wrong."

Daryl studied Alexis's bowed head, suspecting somebody had made the wrong call somewhere, the fallout affecting Alexis the most. "You want me to separate the shit from the gold?" he said astutely, making Alexis raise her head, something sparking behind her blue eyes.

"I think you can tell the difference between a good person and a bad one," Aaron said, stepping forwards this time, answering for Alexis, "you don't rush in like Rick does."

"Where angels fear to tread, huh?" Daryl said gruffly, ramming his fists into the pockets of his leather vest, almost clinging to it for comfort.

"You think I'm fooling around?" Aaron said, brow furrowing, reading Daryl's defensive body language. "That I'm making a fool of you?"

"Why ask me?" Daryl said simply. "I'm nothin'."

"Look, Daryl, I know people look down their noses at you because you're a right goddamn redneck," Alexis snapped, answering for Aaron this time, "but for chrissake, can't you see you should be looking down your noses at us, instead of the other way around? All that stuff you can do, the hunting and the tracking and everything - all that knowledge and your experience – it's – it's _priceless_, Daryl. You might not have a college degree or any of that shit, but you're a hundred times smarter than everyone in Alexandria put together."

"You can stop the sweet-talk, Goldilocks," Daryl snapped, suddenly making for the side-door, startling Alexis, "I know's what youse want. You just want to use me for your own ends until somethin' or someone better comes along. Desperate times call for desperate measures, huh?"

"What the hell are you on about?" Aaron snapped back, exchanging incredulous glances with Alexis. "You are the best person for this job, Daryl, nobody else. It's not about using you, it's about helping you help yourself by helping others, like we all help one another help each other, and yeah, I am aware that made no sense whatsoever."

As an awkward silence fell, Daryl just stood there, his fingers closing around the door handle, caught between leaving and staying.

"I _want _you out there with me, Daryl," Aaron then said more quietly, exhaling sharply as he spoke, "not just because of your skills, but because I trust your judgment – Alexis and Eric too. Maybe we're coming across as wrong – we just mean, we think you're a good man, and I personally would like to work with you on that basis alone, okay?"

Alexis studied Daryl, waiting for him to make his decision, remembering the times she'd caught a glimpse of something else behind his brutal front, a strange gentleness that belied his aggressive exterior. She realized in that moment her opinion of him had been evolving all this time, always at the back of her mind, ever changing, leading her to recommend him as a recruiter, not just to include him in Alexandria and get Deanna off his back, but because as Aaron had said, he was a good man and that made him the best man for the job.

Daryl dropped his gaze to the ground, shifting awkwardly on the spot, wanting to believe Aaron but not daring to. Ever since arriving in Alexandria, he had felt increasingly isolated, everybody within the walls eying him like he was some wild animal who would attack them any second, the women with apprehensive curiosity, something like a strange lust flickering behind their stares, the men with aggressive suspicion.

"You can survive out _there_, Daryl," Eric said gently, something in his face making Daryl finally let go of the door handle, "but you can start living _here_."

* * *

Alexis lay on her canopied bed, her arm slung across her forehead, staring up at the silken hangings curving above her, her mind replaying the evening's events, darting from Rick to Daryl to Spencer, only to return to Rick all over again, then to Carol and her promise to take care of Pete. The thought of finally finding freedom was strangely frightening, Pete having long cast a shadow over their lives, but the idea of a fluffy jumpered Carol being the liberator of their prison was almost preposterous, if not for that cold gleam in her eye when she unwittingly let her guard down.

Exhaling sharply, Alexis lowered her arm, only to freeze at the sound of a shower of pebbles striking her window, not enough to break the glass, but enough to attract attention. When it immediately happened again, Alexis suddenly sat bolt upright, getting entangled in the befrilled bedding in her haste to reach the window. Ducking under the lacy white curtain, she peered out into the darkness below, only to see Rick standing in the back yard, Judith in his arms, her head tucked under his chin.

As he bent down to scoop up another handful of pebbles, Alexis quickly knocked on the glass, making Rick's head snap up. Their eyes met, Rick straightening up, lifting his hand in hesitant greeting as he did, Alexis just as hesitantly returning the gesture, ruthlessly suppressing the surge of relief that arose in her at seeing him. Instead, she signalled him to wait, before turning and disappearing from his sight, the curtain falling back into position with a clang.

Pulling on her battered denim jacket over her faded sun-dress, Alexis having not bothered to get changed, she then made her way downstairs to the kitchen, careful not to wake Aaron and Eric. A quick glance at the kitchen clock told her that Deanna's party would be drawing to a close, that Jessie and the boys would probably be at home now, Jessie almost always paranoid of sticking to the strict routine of Sam's bedtimes. Alexis would have staked a small fortune on Pete being the last guest to leave, taking advantage of Deanna's supply of free alcohol, using the social occasion as cover to indulge his alcoholism in full view.

"Hey," Rick said quietly, shifting Judith to his other arm as Alexis opened the back door, eying him with approbation. "Can... can we talk?"

"About what?" Alexis said, folding her arms across her chest as she stepped out into the yard, the back door softly clicking shut behind her.

"Have you just locked yourself out?" Rick said, jerking his head at the door, brow furrowing.

"No," Alexis said abruptly, "at least credit me with some intelligence."

Rick bowed his head, before exhaling sharply. "I came to apologize," he then said awkwardly, no standing on ceremony, holding her hostile gaze. "That wasn't the right time or place to say what I said."

"Well, I threw a drink over you," Alexis said offhandedly, glancing at his stained shirt, "so I'd say we were even."

Rick nodded, running his hand over Judith's fair hair, Alexis watching the tender gesture with hooded eyes, wondering yet again at the contradiction Rick presented, brutal one moment, then gentle the next. The baby stirred, murmuring in protest, her tiny fingers flexing, and before Alexis could stop herself, she was right in front of Rick, stooping down so she was eye-level with Judith.

"Hey there, sweetheart," Alexis said softly, stroking Judith's cheek, making the baby's eyes flutter open sleepily, "you look like a very tired chickadee. You should be tucked up in bed, baby girl." She shot Rick a wry glance, one he parried with a pained smile.

"Yeah, I'm headin' home to do just that," Rick said tiredly, "but we made a pit-stop here."

Alexis straightened up, her hand falling to her side. "Well, I'm glad you did," she said abruptly, before half turning away from him, realising she'd said too much

Rick looked at her for a long moment, something in his stare forcing Alexis to face him, but as she did, his gaze met and held hers once more, the expression in his eyes almost unreadable. Before she could react, Rick suddenly bent down and kissed her cheek, before just as suddenly drawing back, the tips of his ears turning red.

Alexis stared at him, feeling the heat rising in her own face, Rick turning even redder, the two of them blushing like bumbling fools.

"Well, uh, good-night, then," Rick stammered, before turning and almost fleeing into the night, Alexis just standing there, listening to the sound of his footsteps fading into silence.

_And she said, how do you know me so well__  
__After only one night?__  
__How do I love you, tell me__  
__With all of my might…_

* * *

"You're a happy camper this morning," Eric said as he limped into the kitchen, making Alexis abruptly fall silent, her off-key rendition of 'Walking in Memphis' thankfully muted.

"It's a nice day," Alexis said defensively, putting away the last of the bowls she'd been washing. She'd fallen asleep with a strangely light heart, awakening with the same sensation of quiet happiness, an odd anticipation stirring in her veins, looking forward to the day ahead for once. It had taken some time for her to realise it was a happiness stemming from security, that for the first time in a long time she felt safe, an emotion Earle had robbed her of.

"I'm going on guard-duty," Eric then said, startling Alexis, "so would you mind helping Carol with the laundry when she comes over?"

Alexis stared at Eric, his announcement altering all her own plans, Eric unaware he was making Carol's deception easier to execute. With him out of the house, Alexis wouldn't have to waste time arguing with him to step back and let her take charge of the laundry, Eric not liking to be a burden on anyone, despite his obvious incapacity. "Why you taking watch?" she asked curiously, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. "Are you even allowed to?" She had heard second-hand about Sasha acting as look-out, Rick's rage at Alexandria not having one before their arrival, and she suspected Sasha would just be the start in the changes to Alexandria's security.

"Rick has the right idea," Eric said, drawing himself to his full height with some difficulty, "this place is wide-open to attack. I want to contribute, so I can do that by keeping watch. I'll be covering for Sasha, then" -

\- "I don't want the whole itinerary," Alexis snapped. "As long as your ankle is okay, I don't really care."

"Thanks for your heartfelt concern, but I'll be _fine_," Eric uncharacteristically snapped back, only to glance up with surprise at seeing Holly standing at the back door, clutching a casserole dish, "and I see we have company," he then said, limping over to let Holly in. "What do I owe the pleasure?" he asked, gesturing Holly to come in, something she did with a weak smile.

"Um, I actually came to see Alex," Holly said, hunching up her shoulders slightly, "only if I'm not interrupting? Plus, I bring food," she added quickly, proffering the casserole dish.

"What, opposed to gold, myrrh and frankincense?" Alexis said, taking the casserole dish, carefully setting it down on the kitchen counter.

Holly just rolled her eyes. "Okay, I didn't cook up that casserole on my own," she said, sinking down into a seat, "you know I burn everything, even water. I was helping Carol deliver the meals she made up for the golden oldies, and there was a casserole going spare, so Carol said I could have it, and here I am."

"Carol is an angel," Eric said fervently, slipping on his corduroy jacket, "she cooks and cleans for everyone, she's doing my laundry – I don't know how she finds the time. I think it's really good you're helping her out."

"It's no sweat off my back," Holly said, shrugging her shoulder, always uncomfortable with compliments, "but she said to tell you she'll bring over your laundry later this morning."

"Alexis will be here," Eric said, making for the back door, "I'm going to be on guard-duty."

"Rendezvousing with Rick, are we?" Holly asked, shooting Alexis a pointed glance, making her instantly stiffen.

"He wishes," Eric parried, "he _so_ can't afford this sweet ass." With a final waggle of his fingers, he was gone, the door clicking shut behind him, leaving a suddenly deafening silence in his wake, only broken by the incessant tick of the kitchen clock.

"So you and Rick, huh?" Holly then said, leaning back in her seat, folding her arms behind her head. "I heard you threw a drink over him."

"What, did Spencer drop by last night?" Alexis said with venomous sweetness. "I hope you made him sleep on the sofa."

"You know what I call this weird thing between you and Rick?" Holly said as if Alexis hadn't spoken. "Negative attraction or by its more common or garden name, Mr. Darcy Syndrome."

"Mr. What Syndrome!?" Alexis scoffed, taking a bite of bitter apple.

"Hey, all the way through _Pride and Prejudice_, Mr. D and Elizabeth Bennet are always at each other's throats, when really they're digging each other - _big-style_," Holly said, lowering her arms, "hence Mr. Darcy Syndrome. You're a hater when it comes to Rick of Grimes when really you want to shack up with him and his sexy Southern ass, maybe shake out some sweet little sprogs" -

\- "Are you insane!?" Alexis exclaimed, almost spitting out her piece of apple, spraying flecks everywhere. "First things first, I barely know the bastard, and two, when the fuck did you start reading Jane Austen!? You barely know your alphabet never mind tackling a book with proper sentences and no pictures!"

"It's the end of the world and I'm bored, okay?" Holly said pettishly. "There's only so many shelves I can put up" -

\- "I don't care about your sudden literacy ambitions," Alexis cut across her, "but I do care you have this _delusion_" -

\- "Has he kissed you yet?" Holly cut across her in turn. "He has, hasn't he?" she suddenly squealed upon seeing Alexis flush hotly afresh at the memory of Rick's awkward kiss on her cheek last night.

"No, he hasn't," Alexis said, not exactly lying, even as she was unwilling to admit what had constituted a kiss of sorts.

"He was your date to Deanna's party, Alexis," Holly said, rolling her eyes again, "which means he must have kissed you at some point during the evening, probably before you tipped a drink over his head – or was it because he kissed you that you tipped said drink over his head? Was he really that bad a kisser? Or was he all octopus hands?"

Alexis just deliberately took another bite of apple, hiding her turmoil at the turn in conversation, remembering Spencer and his alarming request she accompany him to the party as his date instead of Holly, then the humiliating scene afterwards when she had punched him in the face, probably wrecking what had remained of their fragile friendship, even as Alexis couldn't bring herself to mourn its passing.

"I see Alexis is going to be as annoyingly silent as the grave," Holly observed, steepling her fingers, "so let's talk about my charming self for a change. Aren't you going to ask me why I'm gracing Eric's fine establishment at this early hour?"

Alexis looked at Holly, properly this time, noting the hectic high colour in her cheeks, the wild way her shorn blonde hair stood up at all angles, the agitated expression in her eyes despite her apparent ease. "Stop bullshitting and tell me what's rattling your cage," Alexis said abruptly, leaning over the kitchen table, "something's obviously up.""

"Yeah, knocked up, to be precise," Holly said with a bitter laugh, startling Alexis, "courtesy of Spencer Monroe. We're founding a dynasty, man."

"What, you're pregnant?" Alexis said stupidly. "You're having a baby?"

"No, I'm having a party and you're all invited," Holly drawled, waving her arm in a wild circle, indicating all of Alexandria, "no shit, Sherlock, I'm fucking pregnant, Alexis."

Alexis just sat there, her mouth hanging open slightly. "Does Spencer know?" she managed to choke out.

"He doesn't want to know," Holly said with another bitter laugh, "but don't worry, I'm going to make him step up. I'm going to go right round to his fancy-ass residence and tell Momma Monroe her precious princeling now has an heir to the throne. Deanna's a bitch, but she's fair for all her faults. She'll make it right and she'll make Spencer man up and stand by me, even as she hates the idea of Brooklyn's finest fucking up her precious bloodline."

"Do – do you want me to come with you?" Alexis said, hesitating before reaching over and taking Holly's shaking hand, feeling like the world had been turned upside down.

"Thanks but no thanks," Holly said, shaking her head, "you're hardly Deanna's favourite person right now according to Suck-Ass Spencer."

"I can still" -

\- "Wake up and smell the coffee, Alexis," Holly flared up, startling Alexis again, "do you think I want you there when I tell Deanna I'm carrying her grand-child, when she'll be wishing it was you instead?"

"What?"

"Come on," Holly snapped, "she loves you, Alex, you were her favourite, the daughter she never had. You and Spencer together was all she wanted and instead she got me. But that's the way the cookie crumbles, right?"

"But – but she blames me" -

\- "What, she blames you for Earle and screwing up Stepford?" Holly said abruptly. "Yeah, she does, but she blames herself more for not protecting you. Spencer says she sometimes doubts she did the right thing sending Earle and the others away, that he seemed so plausible, even when all his asswipe buddies said all that sick shit, but she did it anyways, right or wrong, because of you, because she loved you."

"That is a croc of shit, Holly," Alexis said, voice cracking, tears burning the backs of her eyes, "Earle attacked me, and I didn't lie about it or exaggerate or anything. I didn't – I didn't lead him on. I – I didn't deserve it. I should have shot him when I had the chance, and Deanna should have strung him and his buddies up when she had the chance, rather than thinking about the fucking idyll that is fucking Alexandria!"

"Deanna is in over her head," Holly said bluntly, "playing White House at the end of the world. She thinks she can lead us all to the Promised Land, but she can't, and she won't. But even all that, even though she screwed up over Earle, and deep down, Deanna knows she screwed up – I... I can't be seen taking sides, Alex. I – I love you like my own sister, but I have to think about the baby now. I need Deanna onside, whether I want it or not."

"You just said Deanna would make Spencer step up," Alexis said through gritted teeth, letting go of Holly's hand as she spoke, her friend's defection to Deanna's side hurting her even as she understood why, "that she was fair despite her faults."

"You actually believe that bullshit!?" Holly said mockingly. "Because I definitely don't."

Alexis bowed her head. "Deanna will do the right thing," she said uneasily, "even if Spencer won't."

"He will," Holly said defiantly, getting to her feet, "even if it's the last thing I ever do."


End file.
